Call me pretentious.

I hope everyone had themselves a holly jolly one this year and will have a happy new year coming up. I got to have a good time at home with family and friends (except for Jaime, because I couldn't find Marinesco on a map, apparently.) The best part? I'm still eating leftovers.

Puttin in some extra hours this week to pay off some of the holiday fun. This full time, real world job for all its perks, sure takes a lot of work. Hmmm. Maybe I need to start looking for that newspaper column job. Something I can do when I get around to it at three in the morning. Plus, then I could tell everyone how I got a $20,000+ degree in Economic theory and I write stories...with horrendous punctuation.

This is also the first year in a long time that I don't have any solid plans for New Year's. In years past I have planned parties for New Year's like an architect lays out the plans for a building. I've mastered the art of beer aquisition in the same way a fisherman masters bait.

(The one year stands out, when Eazy-E and I hit up every buyer we knew for booze and our tally between the "I need a six of Bass Ale" and the "Might as well get a half gallon of whiskey!" ended up being over 100.00d. For one night. Only ever topped by "Everyone in Marquette drinks on Nate's tab night" which took place this past St. Patty's day.)

By the way, when has the phrase, "...get a half gallon of whiskey" ever turned out good? For me it's usually followed by incoherency and stories about when I was in the CIA. This year I'm going to play it by ear, maybe stay up until midnight and be a designated driver for any of my friends that prefer to partake in some holiday spirits. Yeah, sure I won't.

Oh, and I want everyone who reads this to post something on this message. Now that Jaime is leaving for Costa Rica, I need to evaluate my readers. You don't have to sign up, just leave an anonymous message with your name.

I'm finished,
Nate

It's beginning to look a lot like...

T-minus one day until Christmas vacation! OK, that so sounded like a third grader.
Sorry bout that. I don't think I have been this excited about 4 days off in my entire life. I've got a lot of places to go, hopefully a lot of people to see. My
whirlwind tour will kick off Wednesday night in the MQT with a visit to Upfront
and Co. to see Delta County's finest, Tripod perform. It's been far too long
since I've taken in the dulcet tones of Joey Russo and it will definitely be worth the drive through the darkness from the A Town. Thursday will be spent catching up
with old friends and doing some last minute shopping starting at about 7AM. Yeah right, I'm gonna be hung over like a mother. I don't have to return to the Fox Valley until Sunday and all signs point to a delightful Christmas time.

Good showing by the Patriots last night, with Tom Brady doing his best Aaron Brooks impression and throwing away the game in Miami. Just a really un-Patriotic night if you will.

I've been seeing a commercial for the GM Red Tag sale where the sticker price is the actual price you pay for the car. The commercial ends with the narrator stating:
"Holiday shopping just got a lot easier!" Wait, what? Unless your name is Oprah, has
buying a car as part of your Christmas shopping ever come into play?

And the jewelry commercials down here! Egad! "Get a necklace for your sister!" "A pendant for your aunt!" "A bracelet for your dog!" Listen. Jewelry is strictly for
girlfriends, wives and mistresses. That is it, Mr. Kreiger Jewlers! You buy friends
DVD's and cartons of cigs, not jewelry.

Off the top of my head, it has been 59 years since WWII ended, 13 years since the
Soviet Union collapsed, and Tupac has been "dead" for 8 years. Time flies.

And guess what we got the last two days! Snow! I learned a couple things about here:

a) 3-4 inches of snow is considered a crippling storm in Wisconsin.
b) Snow plowing skill is suspect at best down here.
c) I remember why I used to say, "Damned Wisconsin drivers!"

I'll hopefully get to see my sister this weekend for the first time in about two months. She is apparently carrying on the Holtslander tradition started by me of
working every Christmas and the days around it for good measure. It's awesome when work and money conflict with your family at the holidays. But, somebody has to answer the phones and man the cash registers and work the desk at the hotels. If not a Holtslander, then who?

That's all I've got for now. Oh! Wait! I almost forgot the triumphant return of:
RANDOM MOVIE QUOTE!!!

[on her wardrobe]
Walter Kresby: Only castrating, Manhattan career bitches wear black. Is that what you want to be?
Joanna Eberhart: Ever since I was a little girl.
-The Stepford Wives (2004)

I'm finished,
Nate

New! Sleep juice!

Do you ever wish you could capture "tired" in a bottle? Like when you wake up for work at 6am and you're like, "Wow, I can't wait to get home from work so I can go back to bed." Of course by the time you get home from work you are wide awake. I would love to invoke the tired feeling as I see fit. Like at 2:00am when I'm still drinking beer and I know I have to get up in like 6 hours to be functional. I could just take a shot of sleep juice and be super duper tired! I'm sure I'll be thinking this tomorrow when I work my once quarterly Saturday shift at 9am.

I am getting a little more stoked for Christmas. I should have all my shopping complete soon. Fox River Mall is simply unbearable right now and Best Buy is craaaazzy busy. We have been busy with the little holiday spirit we are producing as the tree finally got put up last Sunday. Well, hopefully it will be slow tomorrow so I can get another installment up.

I'm finished,
Nate

Let it snow, let it snow...no, seriously some snow...please.

Pop quiz, hotshot: Which area of the world has its rainy season in December?

A)Northwest Territories, CN
B)Siberia
C)Australia
D)Fox Valley, WI

I'll give you a moment to think it over.

OK. The correct answer is apparently the Fox Valley and more specifically, the Appleton area. It was raining steady this morning...steady...on December 10. Hopefully I'll see some real actual snow in the U.P. this weekend but I don't really know what the weather has been like up there. It definately is craptastic down here.

Tis the season to do my holiday shopping tonight. Tommy needs a new skateboard so he can go out and be a hooligan like that gosh darned Bam Margera character. Becky needs a dolly so that she can have unrealistic expectations of the female form that will scar her self esteem for life. Stevie wants a train set so that he can experience the shallow and empty life of the model railroader. OK, none of those people actually exist, but I do have to go shopping for Ashley, Ma and Pa Holtslander, and the T-Puppy. That's it. That's my whole Christmas list. I heard on the radio last week that you should never give your boss a Christmas present. Nobody told us that last year at Range when I think I pitched in on presents for anybody that had an office with a door on it. The Range owners were so appreciative that this year they cut back and laid off about half the people that work there some with less than a week's notice. Eek. Although I will never forget the Christmas bonus from last year. Very top shelf. Plus I can't really talk bad about a company that 12 short months ago awarded me Operator of the Year (an honor that still puts a smile on my face even today :-).

I would also like to take a moment to recognize the hard working men and women of the Cheese Hut gas station for allowing me to inadvertantly clean out the meager $15 that existed in my checking account on Wednesday. They really went the extra mile to not only a) Not accept my card at the pump, but also to b) Commence fueling while I obeyed the order to "See attendant." Now I've got a $25 gas bill and $20 to pay it and I have to be to work in five minutes. Your tireless efforts to complicate my life will not go unnoticed... as I am filling up at the Express Station.

Just a brutal work day today. I've gotta go home.

I'm finished,
Nate

No particular reason for this post.

Well, we made it through the week previous and all the anger and madness that came with it. Last week was particularily rank due to the increased number of calls we recieved regarding our small account fees that investors did not in fact take lightly. That should be the last big call generating event of the year until the bustling and almost dreaded tax season starts.

The weekend was a good one, with Friday night being spent playing a heated game of Monopoly between Ashley and I. I found out that apparently I take winning at board games a scoach too seriously, but come on, how would you feel if you owned the entire side of the board that included Park Place, Boardwalk, and all three green properties with multiple houses for most of the game and still lose? Not very pleasant.

Saturday was pretty lazy with the exception of a trip to the seventh circle of hell or as most people call it, "Old Navy on a Saturday before Christmas." I watched as they had an associate from Old Navy on a stepladder doing scavenger hunts with customers in line. "Hey first one to show me a picture of their pet wins a prize!" So that begs the question: Why is she not on a register checking people out, and for that matter, why don't they have more registers? I'll do my X-mas shopping during the week, thanks.

We then had our the Thrivent Christmas party Saturday night. It was a pretty good time, but both Ashley and I "punked out" early, much to some of our cohort's chagrine. Have I really become that guy? The one who is like, "I gotta go home, guys. It's getting late." Anyone that knows me from my legendary drinking days at Northern Michigan, knows that I preferred to be like Eddie Murphy and party all the time. Now I feel like my buddies in college who were foolishly wasting their time "sleeping" and "graduating in a respectable time frame." Wait a minute... those are good things!

We also got a hockey sweep this weekend, putting the Kitties from Marquette City in third place in the CCHA. I knew they would be good this year, but to be playing at this level is extrordinary. The Cats end up on the road until next year and I can't wait to go to the next game with Mojo and the crew. I also have to get that picture of Jaime in the Puckhead construction gear framed and put up somewhere in Flanigan's as a permanent tribute to Puckheads and they ladies. You're one step from being a legend, kid!

I'm finished,
Nate.

Next stop, Christmas!

Another holiday is in the books for the year. You know the routine, eat with your family, watch football, and get a wee bit snockered in the process. At least that's me. Not this year, sunshine! Due to work schedules and my family's trek over the river and through the Lansing to visit my grandmother downstate, I was left kind of on an island. Luckily, Ashley's family was good enough to take in a Thanksgiving refugee to feed turkey and football to. This was my first Turkey day that I can remember when I haven't seen my family. Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve have always been sacred to me and the fact that I spent this last one away from John, Cindy, and T-Dogg kinda got me choked up.

On the bright side, I did get PAID for Thursday, even though it is my scheduled day off, putting my total hours for the week at 48. I love this paid holiday stuff, I'm not gonna lie to you.

Suddenly, I've forgotten how much I like snow. Absolutely not snow drifts and icy slush, I'm talking about that early winter snow that kinda floats ever so gently to the turf and makes streetlamps look glow with serenity. Apparently we are never going to get any white stuff here in the Fox Valley. This whole winter should seem like vacation for me after four long winters in the MQT. Bring it on, fool! Short one today. To quote one of my esteemed acquaintances and former roommates: "What? Green Bay is on Monday Night again? I hate the Packers."

I'm finished,
Nate

Fight!!!

I will always remember the period of time Nov 14-21, 2004 as the week everybody lost they damned mind.

Last Sunday, before an NFL game had even started two players got into a fight for seemingly no reason.

The week started with a huge brawl at the Vibe Awards (reason number 10456 why rappers should not have awards shows) in which Young Buck from G-Unit decided that a good career move after winning a Vibe award would be to join a melee and stab somebody. I can just see him getting yelled at by his handlers later on: "What do you mean you didn't think there would be cameras there?" The donnybrook started after somebody walked up to Dr. Dre and punched him in the face. Doesn't get any wierder than that, right?

Right?

Fast forward to Friday night at the Palace of Auburn Hills for the Pacers-Pistons game. It was ESPN's marquee matchup game for the night and on the pregame show they broke down the matchup between Ron Artest and Ben Wallace, two premier defenders. By the end of the night, Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson of Indiana are way off their medication, fighting in the stands with fans and in some cases punching random spectators in the face. Then as one fan who foolishly ran on the court is getting up, Jermaine O'Neal from the Pacers comes up and levels him with a running punch. Then the Pacers and ESPN make a huge deal about Pistons fans being idiots. OK, let me explain something, when players from a visiting team start PHYSICALLY BATTLING spectators, all bets on fan behavior are off. Could you imagine if Ron Artest did this in a European soccer match? That night would turn into Ron Artest limb giveaway night: "First 100 people to get into the fray get a piece of Artest's arm or leg!" We're not likely to see a fight of that magnitude in sports again, at least not for a long time.

Right?

Saturday there is a huge fight at the end of the South Carolina-Clemson game involving just about every player on the field. OK, I think we just need to take a step back and take a deep breath.

Not a chance. President Bush had stepped into a tussle between one of his Secret Service agents and a Chilean security guard(s). Come on! Do we really want the president throwing down when he's supposed to have the best security on earth? We need to learn to deal with each other and at least try to let cooler heads prevail.

And then there was this:

In northern Wisconsin on Sunday, a group of hunters got in a dispute with a man that they said was using their tree stand illegally and told him to leave. Then, in possibly the most irrational response in history that hunter, ordered to leave, SHOT EIGHT PEOPLE. He killed five people and put three in the hospital, one of them critical. Senseless. I don't think there could be a punishment fitting enough. I know people like Carrie that are against the death penalty, but in this case how can something as tragic and inexcusable be dealt with any other way?

Excuse me, I need to go lock myself in a room to get away from humanity.

I'm finished,
Nate

TO

OK. Seriously. This Terrell Owens - Desperate Housewives thing has got to stop. For those of you that don't know, T.O. and Nicolette Sheridan starred in a skit before the Monday Night Football game in which Sheridan (from the show Desperate Housewives) dropped her towel in front of T.o. exposing her naked back to the camera. The point was she was attempting to seduce T.O. to not play in the game and was successful. Not very creative or funny and an example of seemingly harmless cross promotion.

People just friggin lost it.

With all the shameless content that comes through on the television today, people are up in arms about someone's naked BACK. The FCC has already launched an investigation to determine if they will fine ABC, which is owned by Disney (the family company that brought us a penis drawn on the cover of The Little Mermaid), for this outrage. An officer from the FCC scolded them much like an adult scolds a child when they get caught smoking saying, "I wonder what Walt Disney would think of this if he were alive?" which is the equivalent of: "You're lucky your father isn't alive to see this!" The FCC needs to be stopped. They treated the Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident as if CBS had broadcast the Spice channel by accident for half an hour. This of course was in response to gargantuan public outrage...outrage I say! It leads me to this: This nation has to lighten up. It was a naked B-A-C-K. People have to jump out of that extreme family values station wagon and take a deep breath in the sometimes smoggy air of modern entertainment. Better yet, parents could have watched this presentation with there kids and explained the situation. "Now Jimmy that's what happens when you get famous. Women will like you more if you have money and play professional football.. which of course you will never do. Because you run a 5.2 forty. And you're soft like ice cream." Just giving the kid realistic expectations.

So I was thinking that was bad enough, BUT THEN a bunch of people come out and say that the spot was racist because Terrell owens happens to be African American and apparently it perpetuated racial stereotypes.

(Crickets chirping...)

WHAT?! It was a star from ABC's hottest new show (which is pretty cool by the way) and the star and MVP of the league so far this year! That is it. End of list! No innuendos, no stereotypes, none of that. When I see stuff like this, it makes me hate life. Aight, gotta roll out for the weekend. Take care, peeps.

BTW- Jaime, when you read this my email is nholtsla@alumni.nmu.edu I didn't get your previous email, so try again.

I'm finished,
Nate

I don't want YOU...for the Salvation Army.

Okay, I let this slide every year around this time, but I am finished. Done. Fine! I'm tired of being shamed and badgered by people that I just can't get away from, as they are everywhere. And the bells! The bells! The bells, bells, bells, bells! Of course, I am talking about the foot soldiers of the Salvation Army. They encamp themselves at Shopko, Wal-Mart, K-Mart (or K-Mart/Sears if you've read today's financial news), bars, gas stations, your living room, EVERYWHERE!

Now This is what I want: A card that you can buy from the Salvation Army indicating fufillment of annual contributions. Oh you know the situation, you walk out of the store and there's that volunteer standing out in the cold with a red bucket and that town crier type bell who looks at you like a Scrooge McDuck if you don't give any money. Wouldn't it be nice to whip out a "Salvation Card" to show that you're not miserly, just a plan-ahead-type of person. There could be a huge market for this! No more shame for not giving to whatever cause the Salvation Army supports! No more retirees glaring at you for not doing your part! It will be awesome! Maybe we should think bigger: A card that takes care of anyone begging for change, or telemarketers, or tax collectors or...

I'm finished,
Nate

From dusk til dawn.

Well cheery news from this here burg they call Appleton: The body of a 20 year old woman was found in the trunk of a car in the Copp's Foods parking lot in Neenah. Tragic and scary at the same time. But hey, Neenah's a scary town, in fact I believe Neenah is an Ojibwa word meaning "Ishpeming." The good new is they arrested a guy who confessed to strangling her in his apartment. This was apparently after she had expressed a crush on the suspect that went unreciprocated. He was, however using her as his own personal taxi and for "other things." My point of course is: Women are idiots sometimes. For every good hearted independent woman who buys her own clothes and pays her own rent there's always at least two girls who get hung up on some drainpipe of society that disregards them no matter how unworthy they may be of said affection.

In other news, I am now officially in the middle of 10 hour work days. There's something about getting up in the morning when the sun is barely out yet and driving home in the pitch dark. Also because of our lovely time zone here in Wisconsin, it is completely dark by about 5pm. I feel very nocturnal. The advantage of course is that I only work four days a week. The downside is that my day off is Thursday, just a wee little break before 10 hours on Friday. Well, my shift is almost complete and I need to start packing up my cares and woes (and get a tape ready for Scrubs. I'm not kidding, watch that show tonight. Grrr.)

I'm finished,
Nate

On Rapid River...

I recieved a pleasant surprise this last week as my buddy Corey from high school left me a message on one of my previous postings. It made me whistful for the days back at old RRHS when we was just little punks. It brought back the good times when we would go to football games in the Dome, using Dick LaChapelle's computer to download all kinds of copywrited content over that blazing 13.3 k/ps dial up line, or when we won that track championship...wait, I wasn't in track. Nevermind on that last one. Gotta say that those deinately were the days.

Ponder this when you get a chance today: Do you remember when we didn't live in an on demand world? In 1988 if you told your phone company, "Hey, I'd like you to just pay my bill out of my checking account and next time, I'd like to do it on my computer...in my pajamas. And I'd like that to be free."

Silence.

"Riiiiggghhhtt, and you can certainly get home in your flying car. Goodbye, freak!"

I'm finished,
Nate

Check Local Listings

Ahh...fall. It means football, leaves turning colors in the crisp winter air, delightful little scamps getting dressed up for Halloween, and most importantly: New seasons on TV!!! Sometimes the season's anticipation is legendary like the season after someone capped Mr. Burns on "The Simpsons" or when "10 Simple Rules" came back even after John Ritter had passed away. Some could stand to somehow get lost in the summer like "Wildboyz" on MTV (seriously, name someone who likes that show. Go ahead.) Others leave you saying, "NBC is going to base its weekly rotation on the last legs of ER, Will and Grace, and Law & Order? Really? Do they plan to show "The Apprentice" six nights a week next fall?" Here are some TV highlights for all who maybe have real lives and don't sit around and watch TV every night.

Scrubs- Watch this show. Watch this show. Watch this show. It's on Tuesdays at 9:30/8:30C. Watch this show. On NBC. I will not tell you again.

NYPD Blue- I have a soft spot for this show. One of my very guiltiest pleasures. If I had the time everyday I would watch the two episodes that are on TNT early afternoon...oh, wait, that was my last semester in college. I love the characters for their flaws as well as the heroism they display in cleaning up the streets of New York. That being said, when you subtitle the show in its last season "NYPD BLUE: The Final Season," you know this is going to be a train wreck. And then last week I see this on a preview: "When a friend from the past returns... Jimmy Smits guest stars on an all new Blue." Gulp. They killed him off the show!!! His ghost is returning? Is this Days of Our Freakin Lives?

Joey- I never really got into Friends. You take a small, played out, NYC accented part of that show and create a spin off and it's a recipe for disaster, right? Not so fast. This show is not that bad. I can't believe I just said that. Joey is still the same as he was on Friends, just more of the focal point of the show rather than occassional comic relief. Of course, on the obligatory hottie side Drea de Matteo who plays his sister is downright scrumptious.

Scrubs- Seriously, watch this show.

King of the Pride- Pixar animation and the voice of John Goodman. That's like saying ketchup with brats...you can't go wrong.

Will and Grace- This show is like an old boxer that doesn't know when to retire. When it becomes painfully obvious that the reruns of a show are exponentially better than the new episodes, it's timeto hang it up. Alas, I still like this show. I think we can all agree that Karen is one of the finest supporting sitcom characters ever created, right up there with Kramer and Andy Kaufman in Taxi.

JAG- This show has flown under the radar (teehee) for years and it's still great.

Things I don't care about- The OC, The Apprentice, Survivor, The Biggest Loser, CSI's: Miami, New York, Detroit, Negaunee.

I'm finished,
Nate

victory.

So darned much has happened since the last time I blogged on, I don’t know where to start! I saw Northern beat Michigan State two times (scratching their way up to 11th in the nation as of 11/01), the Red Sox won the World Series (the Curse that never existed is finally over), I started on the phones at work, etc…

Oh, yeah, some guy named Bush won the election too. I’m sure he’ll do a very good job in his second term.

Four.
More.
Years.

I’m finished,
Nate

Boston's Independence Day

FYI- This will not be a completely sports related post.

I can only imagine how it feels, to wait your entire life for this to happen. Wednesday, October 20, 2004: The day the Yankee dominance over the Red Sox Nation finally ended. Other teams had beaten the Yankees in the playoffs over the years, but not like this. Nobody had ever beaten the Evil Empire like this. Nobody had ever beaten anyone like this. As a newer Red Sox fan of about 3 years, I can’t claim this as the defining sports moment of my lifetime (Patriots 1st Super Bowl and the Av’s most recent Cup), but it was monumental and inspiring, like watching a team version of “Rocky.” The Yankees won 3 out of the first 3 games, meaning Boston won 4 of 4 to take the Series. It’d be like Dubya catching Osama Bin Laden, getting us pulled out of Iraq, curing cancer and STILL losing the election. Four more wins and 1918 (the last BoSox championship) becomes 2004.

By the way, this has been one of the worst weeks ever. I have a punishingly painful canker sore on my tongue the size of a large county. I know what you’re saying: “Quit cryin, you baby!” No. Everyone who’s seen it has told me it’s the worst and largest canker in history. Wednesday I had to go to the doctor (who apparently had seen bigger as she wasn’t that impressed) she gave me a prescription for a mouthwash (that included an “oral steroid” which will apparently allow my jaw to power lift.) that she faxed over to Walgreen’s on Northland Ave. Upon going to pick up this prescription, I was told this by Mr. Walgreen:

“That’s gonna take about 24-48 hours for us to mix up.”

Are you serious? It’s 2004 and you are the largest drug store chain in the world and you need two days to put this scrip together. Thankfully the Walgreen’s on College Ave was able to accommodate my immediate need (after about 13 fax failures and 3 phone calls) and I had my prescription. Now all I need is some Anbesol and a new toothpaste.

“We’re out of Anbesol.”

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I just want my prescription, toothpaste and Anbesol and I want it right now, that’s all I want to do! I turned into a cross between Veruca Salt and Ben Stiller talking to the flight attendant in “Meet the Parents.” There I am in a ”drug store” where I can by the Sopranos Trivia Game, but I can’t get Anbesol. There’s just a big open space where it’s supposed to be, forcing another stop at Target (where Anbesol is actually cheaper than Walgreen’s sale price.) Good job, Walgreen’s. Way to lead the industry.

This lead me to have this thought. Why can’t I ever just get mild stuff?

Some people get canker sores. I get one with its own zip code.
Some people get cold sores. Earlier this year I got one that I ended up having to go to a doctor for because it had infected a gland in my throat.
Some people get sinus infections. I get ones in which my sinuses bleed out for two days.

OK, now I am complaining…like a little A-Rod, but the fact remains that I could use some good luck when it comes to bodily afflictions. Hopefully I won’t ever get athlete’s foot, as they would probably have to amputate. Well, that’s me signing off for the week (heading to MQT tomorrow for the hockey series!)

I'm finished,
Nate

The best movies ever.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… Wow! To see that one sentence, that blue type on the black screen, it’s something that borders on spiritual and divine. Star Wars. You know this is gonna be good. And yes, I am going to write about the holy trinity because I got the idea where most good ideas for blogs come from: Jaime. Thanks. No other movies get me going like these. They made Mark Hammill look like a legitimate actor, introduced James Earl Jones as the “Guy with the coolest voice of all time”, and, get this, made Carrie Fisher the second highest grossing actress ever, behind only Julia Roberts (and this is a woman who did “Hollywood Vice Squad” and “From Here to Maternity.”) A few things about these movies:

a) The special effects are unrivaled. Even today, the visual and sound effects look legit in all of the movies. My personal favorites are the space battle scenes, especially those at the end of Jedi, accompanied by a stellar John Williams score driving the action. This is the late 70’s early 80’s we’re talking about here. Sure, every kid with a computer can do these effects today, but back then Lucas was doing this stuff with model Millennium Falcon’s and such. They actually had to dress people up as Ewoks. You can’t CGI an Ewok and have the same effect! In addition, the locations were phenomenal: Endor, Hoth, Tattooine and Dagobah? Are you kidding me! Just a kick ass collection of exquisite locales.

b) The acting. The trilogy got every single bit of talent out of what they had. Seriously, Mark Hammill isn’t playing with a stacked deck and he just nailed the role of Luke. They went the same route in the prequels casting Hayden Christiansen as Anakin, a semi-unknown in a huge role, except for one difference: Hayden Cristiansen can’t act. Harrison Ford was ready for superstardom, Carrie Fisher was awesome as well as becoming the adolescent fantasy of 3 out of 5 young males, Billie Dee Williams (and his gheri curl), and of course Obi Wan, Sir Alec Guinness. The astonishing part about this is that, besides Harrison Ford, nobody was really ever heard from again. Except for Billy Dee, who loves him some Colt 45 malt liquor.

c) The story. Honestly, looking at George Lucas, do you think that would be a guy that could write a story including so many various themes? He looks like the guy who’d be writing a screenplay for D&D: The Movie. The love story was actually believable: the rugged loner and the princess. He eventually did basically the same story for Anakin and Princess Amadala in the prequels and has fallen flat on his face so far. Han & Leia were the odd couple that we all rooted for. Anakin and Amadala talk like two whiny kids who’ve read too much poetry. The other story lines are solid: The redemption of Han and Lando, Luke’s coming of age, Leia’s ascension from spoiled princess to freedom fighter, the opression imposed by and eventual overthrow of an evil empire, and of course the relationship of father and son. We get it, we can feel for the characters, we want the rebels to win. When a movie makes you feel like that, it’s a winner.

d) The posters. Check them out on IMDB.com sometime. The best artwork on any movie posters…ever.

e) Darth Vader. He is without a doubt, the most ruthless villain of all time. He’s just a straight up bad ass. Finally, just when he’s about to allow and even help some old wizard kill his kid, he snaps and saves him. Awesome.

I’m finished (for now),
May the force be with you.
Nate

And later, on "Health Watch..."

A medical report I saw last week proclaimed a “breakthrough in the fight against Alzheimer’s.” I’m sure there were many a scientist pouring over years and years of empirical data and case studies, working tirelessly to discover and develop new ways to promote this breakthrough. Do you want to know the secret in the fight against this dreadful affliction?

Jogging.

Yep, a big study by the University of California-Irvine came up with…jogging. Let me just save all these researchers a ton of time. I have come out with a study, analyzing data I have seen on the news in the “Health Watch” portion over many years and Dr. Nathan Holtslander has come up with this theory: “JOGGING IS GOOD FOR YOU. It can prevent heart disease, Alzheimer’s, lung cancer, kidney disease, osteoporosis, gout, common cold, *deep breath*, arthritis, brain tumors, herpes, turf toe, carpal tunnel, and of course bad breath.” There. We don’t need any more studies to tell us that jogging is good. I think that fact has been established by every health organization and gym teacher in the country. I’m sure there’s never been a segment, “Next on Health Watch, eating potato chips and being inactive may be more beneficial than you think. We’ll explain after the break…” Supposedly exercise cures anything. Let me get this straight, when you get the heart working, increasing stamina, and enlarging lung capacity so as to better circulation through the body, that’s GOOD for you? Get out of here! Next your gonna be telling me that cigarettes are bad for me!

Speaking of Health Watch, is there a more useless portion of the news broadcast than Health Watch. How many people want to sit through a 5 minute story about how their fat ass is going to die young because they eat garbage and don’t get enough exercise? It’s depressing, just one more thing to get in the way of the Sports. Also, are they required to call it Health Watch? Maybe they call it different things on different stations, but as far as I know, that portion of the news carries no other name.

Finally, how can you believe any of these studies that come out on what seems like a twice-weekly basis? Remember what they said about eggs? Eggs used to be good for you (protein and all.) Then they were bad (like plague of locusts bad) because of cholesterol, and nobody wanted anything to do with them. They were like the OJ Simpson of foods. Then I think scientists decided that cholesterol wasn’t that bad. No, fist they decided that only the egg yolks were bad for you then they decided that cholesterol wasn’t bad and then that eggs were OK if only eaten twice a week. Then last month I think I saw something on Health Watch: “Eating eggs (with breakfast sausage) may reduce the risk of Alzhe...”

My head just exploded.

I’m finished,
Nate

Makin' busy.

I know I probably talk about work a little too much but, like Whitesnake, here I go again. My job today from 8am – 9:30am was to “make myself look busy.” That was a direct order from my supervisor who was sitting within sight distance of me as I read articles about the Red Sox for the first hour and a half. I was thinking back to all my previous employers and can’t think of one time I was told to “look busy.” Like at the gas station they would say things like, “We’re not paying you to just stand there. Go clean something.” Um, actually the definition of the job cashier is, in fact, just to stand there. There’s a register and I push buttons, that is all your $5.75/hr is getting out of me, bucko. The moral of the story is as always, I love my job. On a sad note, we lost a soldier yesterday to the Series 6 as one of my fellow CSP’s didn’t pass the test for the second time and decided it was just too much for her. We miss her already.

I almost forgot to comment on last weekend which was, um, good and bad I guess. I did get to see two good friends get married in a ceremony that I believe should be the blueprint for all weddings. Some girl did have it in for me by breaking her leg at the volleyball game and making Ashly late to the reception. She was a great sport though when she finally got there. Kudos to her (even though apparently those who are late do not get fed…or clean forks for that matter. Those wenches in the kitchen at the Masonic Center can go… forget it, it’s too nasty to say.) I got to see a lot of folks that I wanted to see some I didn’t get a chance too, and some that I saw, but didn’t necessarily want or need to see. All in all, it was a good, bad, happy, sad, and overall drunk weekend. The best kinds usually.

Well, my “busy” time is up. Later.

Random Movie Quote!

Joel : Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.

-"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (2004)

I'm finished,
Nate

Surreally?

A few things were bothering me this week.

-Why didn't the movie version of "Spawn" do as well as it could've?
-How did the girl that played the annoying bitch kid on "Roseanne" grow up to be the hot chick that plays Elliot on "Scrubs"?
-Why are people so averse to restraining cats and yet it's acceptable to tie dogs up for days on end if you want?
-Is it time to stop talking about Martha Stewart going to jail? (I mean the "Imagine the decorating she could do to her jail cell!" comments were funny for about two days. NOT ANYMORE!)

So I caught some of the "Surreal Life 3" premiere last weekend, now airing on VH1. (Just a quick note to VH1: When the WB drops a show...that's not good.) You know the drill with this show, where B-list former celebrities live under same room and "Real World"-esque drama ensues. While I'm watching this my mind drifts to the way we throw around the word "celebrity" these days. Who in the hell is Ryan Starr? I incorrectly guessed that he was in 98 Degrees. I found out that SHE was like a semi-finalist on the first "American Idol." Really? That can be considered a celebrity? Fair enough.

The penance these celebs must perform is share a living space with walking talking toolbox, Flava Flav. I didn't see much of the show, mostly just the celebs showing up and a few other things. The show was topped of by a mini confrontation between Jordan Knight and Dave Coulier (the guy who played the other uncle on "Full House.") Read the last sentence again, just to get a mental picture. Jordan Knight said something about the Olsen twins growing up and getting hot and Uncle Joey just lost it. "I watched them grow up! If you make comments about them being hot, hey, I'm gonna get pretty pissed off." That's hilarious!

Hey! Hey! Settle down now. Please don't lose that temper of yours, Other Uncle from Full House! Nobody wants a piece of the guy who hosted "World's Funniest People!"

By the way, has any psuedo-celebrity show appearance ever been parlayed into long term success? Ever? I'm pretty sure there isn't a section in "Returning to Limelite for Dummies" that suggests being on one of these shows. I don't think Corey Feldman has been turning down any new work. Just sayin.

The whole experience got me thinking, who will be celebrities from today that will be the future Surreal World cast in like 5 years. I put together a list of those who have already fallen off the radar or inevitably will in the nest year or so:

5) Macaulay Culkin
4) Amy Smart
3) Bryce Dallas Howard
2) One of the "other members of Destiny's Child"

and...

1) Neve Campbell (who apparently has won her long battle against celebrity.)

Oh, and I am geeked to go to Marquette tomorrow!

I'm finished,
Nate

Movin' on up like George and Weezey.

You know the people in your hometown that have lived in the same house for like 80 years and are roughly 120 years old? Do you know why they live such long full lives? They never have to MOVE! I spent the majority of Friday and Saturday basically being a van driver/pack mule to get Ashley and I moved into our spankin’ new (built in 1989, making it the newest apartment I’ve ever lived in by approximately 30 years of its closest competition) two bedroom apartment in Appleton. The place is awesome! There’s enough room for a dining room table! We have a storage closet…and it isn’t cram packed with stuff!

I had half my things moved in by noon on Saturday after loading it all up in the U.P., which I drove up to on Friday night. Needless to say, I was on my horse. It’s amazing how good you can get at moving when you do it 2-4 times a year in college. Rubbermaid totes become your best friend, things that slide easily or have rollers ascend a higher place in your heart, and you can say things like, “Hot damn! I knew if I kept that slotted spoon/spatula set long enough I would need it again!”

I also realized that in college I accumulated 30 or so extension cords and outlet splitters, about 1000 pens, and so many burned CD’s I could build entire stable structures with them. I was of course very tired after all of this (I was also suffering from an especially violent version of the Nate Virus until Saturday night/Sunday morning) but finally got a chance to celebrate a little on Saturday night. A beer always tastes good, but it tastes outstanding in your own place. Also, Ashley christened the toilet on Saturday night after she took a voyage too many with Captain Morgan.

Nostalgic. Some things never change.

I'm finished,
Nate

Rant alert!!!

Nate and Copp's Foods, Inc. are officially not speaking to each other. Let me lay out the following scenario for you and you can tell me what you think (written in the third person, because that's how Nathan Holtslander rolls):

It's a lukewarm Friday in September when Nathan Holtslander pulls his Gutlass into Copp's Food Center #8111 to purchase some beer. He decides on a 24 pack of Busch Light, a refreshing light beer, not outrageously priced at $12.95. He then sees something out of the corner of his eye. Could it be? It is! A "Dirty Thirty!" A 30 pack of Busch Light, or as one of his former roommates and he called them: "The Hunter's Special." Nothing is quite as good as paying a dollar or two more for six extra beers. Nothing.

He saunters to the counter, the anticipation welling up inside of him. So many good memories had come and gone in his life that included a/some 30 pack(s.) He waves off the cashier when she asks for his Copp's card. He swipes his Visa Check Card (aka the coolest most functional thing in banking) without even taking his mind off the whimsical social gatherings of his youth. He signs for the beer and walks out the door, thinking that he has to remember to put the reciept in his checkbook. Glancing at said reciept he notices something ghastly.

What. The. F*&^!

This 30 Pack cost me $18.98! That's gotta be a typo, he thinks. He walks back into the store with purpose and finds a 30 pack display. There it is in black and white: $14.99! Wait... With your Copp's Card? Regular price on a 30 pack is $17.99?

Think about it: Five extra dollars for six more beers. Does that bother anyone else?

Right up there next to my belief that anyone that says: "I've got some quarters for you." should have to use seperate gas stations to keep them away from us good customers is my belief that a 30 pack should not average out to be more expensive (per can) than a 24 pack. That's just common sense! It ended up being $.06 more per beer to buy the 30 pack! What the heck, yo?

For the rationale we'll go to the pothead running the service desk: "Well, we raise the price and then put it on sale to encourage people to sign up for the Copp's Card." OK, just in case I didn't make myself abundantly clear:

I do not want a Copp's Card!

What a terrible way to run a flippin' business. It's like trying to trick people into getting that stupid card so they can sell your personal info to the highest bidder. Not me, sunshine!

Copp's and I have since settled out of court for a three dollar cash refund. I am currently enjoying a cold Busch Light. At 49.967 cents per can.

I'm finished.
Nate

Some random thoughts.

First off, read my rant about the Packers and Mike Sherman and then read this:

Punters stay, Couch cut- (Green Bay Press Gazette)

I am simply gerrymandered by this move.

Secondly, if you get a chance purchase or borrow the game "Scene It?" by all means, do. It is phenomenal. Trivia with actual movie clips on a DVD? What could possibly be better? Give me that and "Trivial Pursuit: The 90's" and I would have a hard time leaving the house. Mix in Tiger Woods golf on PS2 and you better get me an IV and a cathedar.

Third, referencing Road Star Inn in a thesaurus will not return either "exceptional" or "quality." I found this little fact out on Thursday night when I was staying in Madison preparing for my Series 63 exam. When the motel you are staying at is housing entire families that have been evicted from their apartments, you know that a) you need to take all the valuables out of your car and b) you shouldn't be surprised that there are plastic cups under your bed that the crack housekeeping staff "missed."

Fourth, people from the city love the U.P. I treated Ashley to a weekend in God's country and the whole time, she was effervescing praise for the pleasant penninsula. She even described Marquette as "beautiful." Don't get me wrong, I love the MQT, but beautiful? If you say so.

Fifth, Madison = No fun to drive in.

Sixth, I am officially filing for divorce against my cell phone. I am citing irreconcilable differences including, but not limited to, its lack of motivation to charge or get a signal while indoors. Also, when I try to answer a call sometimes, my phone will shut off, as in power down, as in immediately lose all functionality as a working telephone. Holtslander v. V60i will most likely commence in February when I am finally able to hook up with a fresher, younger phone.

I'm finished,
Nate

The answer is B? That is cor-rect.

Let me share with all of you a quote that I heard this weekend (although it is not nearly as cool as "Pulaski" or "Di'ya wash all your parts?") When asked about any concerns that he may have about his 79 year old (OK, only 41 but still) quaterback Vinnie Testaverde, Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells had this to say:

"I wouldn't be worried about him if he was in an igloo... in Alaska."

So, is he not concerned then? Does Vinnie need a parka? Did anybody respond to that by saying: "Hey, coach. I know you like deliver us cute little sound bites and all, but that was the most ridiculously idiotic thing you have ever said! Ever."

Well, I spent the weekend in the lovely burg of Ingleside, IL with Grant and my host family, the Schennings. Very cool people. This was of course after getting 4 hours of sleep on Friday night after Ashley and I partook in a phenomenal dinner and the movie "Collateral" (I'd reccommend renting it.) Saturday also took me on a small detour as I forgot to print out an email with my test center address (or, as I reffered to it Friday night: The one thing I had to remember! You have one job, stupid!) It let me take 41 down instead of the easier and quicker 43. If you ever get a chance to go through Milwaukee by taking Hwy 41... don't. I made pretty good time however, rolling into Gurnee somewhere around 1pm.

We took in a little dinner later and the day. That was like the 5th time I had eaten out in the last week. Just call me sluggo. And let me just go on record as saying that it is time for Marquette to get a Buffalo Wild Wings (aka "BWW" or my personal favorite "Bee Dubs".) I believe that franchise would thrive in Marquette. We had an outstanding and apparently hung over or ill waitress there who admitted to us that: "Yeah, I probably shouldn't have come to work today." She was definately not lovin life, but her honesty was nice.

On to this morning! After a weekend of worrying and about 2000 practice questions, I did pass the Series 6 License exam in Kenosha this morning. I am now licensed to deal with mutual funds and other investment products (not including stocks.) So, yay for me anyways.

Well, that's all I've got for now.

Random Movie Quote!

ESPN Announcer: So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years?
Roy : Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh... Drinking. Lotta drinking.
ESPN Announcer: I see. Well, are you still drinking?
Roy : No. I uh... I put... uh... Why, you buying?

-"Kingpin" (1996)

I'm finished.
Nate

Hello, Peter. Whaaat's happening?

Shhhhh. Don’t tell anyone, this is my first posting from work. I’m chillin in my cubicle, just finished a most-of-the-day training course for the Series 6 Securities License Exam. I get the pleasure of partaking in that 2 ¼ hour morsel of multiple choice goodness on Monday at 9:00am. In Kenosha, WI. Which means no UP, MQT or MTU v. NMU this weekend for the Nate Puppy. = ( On the other hand, I do get to go see my boy G$ in the great state of Illinois this weekend. All signs point to a great weekend. As for the test, after almost a week straight of studying, I am very confident in my ability to pass if I took it today, so with 4 more potential days to study, I’m not too worried.

Just to clarify a few things: a) Some of my best friends are Packer fans. B) I would also expect Tom Brady to say the same thing about potential for the Super Bowl, I was just saying that everybody down here unwaveringly takes it as doctrine. C) BJ Sander is atrocious (I guess the Packers changed his approach because it was “too slow.” Well, I guess I’d rather have a slow punter barely get the kick off and punch the ball 50+ in the air than the quick kicker who pooched a 20 yard punt on Saturday night. That’s just me.) D) I have been a Patriots fan since 1996 and through the years of Drew Bledsoe, Curtis Martin, Terry Glenn, Ben “and the Amazing Technicolor Dream” Coates, my boy Robert Edwards, “Lucky” Tebucky Jones and even former Buckeye Andy Katzenmoyer. Let us not forget of course about the most important Patriots of the Rams Super Bowl: Terrell Buckley and Adam Vinatieri.

Well, gotta run. My boss is on the way over and I think I put the old cover sheet on the TPS report again. “Yeah, the thing is, we’re putting the new cover sheet on all the TPS reports from now on, and I’ll see you get another copy of that memo. Great.”

I’m finished.
Nate

Green and bold.

I've run out of ambition to finish ranting about the Packers, so I'll wrap it up quick.

3)Mike Sherman- Seventy eight feet. That's how far the Philadelphia Eagles had to travel to get a game saving first down against the Packers last year. Twenty six yards on fourth down. I'm not sure what the play would be that Mike Sherman could have called, but I would guess that it is akin to the Drop Cover Zone on Madden 2005. He is a coach/GM, and not a very good coach. But...

He's even a worse GM. He is the guy that brought in Joe Johnson, Cletidus Hunt, Jamal Reynolds (10th overall), and BJ Sander (a punter in the 3rd round?) Also, I'm not sure this was on Sherman, but: Bubba Franks. Think about it. He was picked 14th overall, and has been a decent tight end. Do you really take him at 14? Is that wise?

4)Mike McKenzie- Simply ridiculous. I hope he holds out the entire season and stays in Memphis, so I don't even have to be in the same city. Simply ludicrous contract demands.

5)The colors- Green and gold together are just brutal.

6)The fans- Right up there with Yankees, Red Sox, Lakers, Knicks and Red Wing fans in terms of believing that not only do they think they have a good football team, but that their cause is just and righteous.

7)Traffic- The stadium really is in a pretty stupid spot. This is more on the city than the team. I hated leaving work in Appleton on Monday and barely being able to get on the freeway because of heavy traffic... 30 miles away.

Well, I guess that's about it. I suppose you could also make some or all of these claims against my beloved Patriots. Go ahead, do it and I wheel br-ache you. (Hehe. "Rocky IV".)

Random Movie Quote!!!

{To Ethan Suplee's character whe he is staring at the Eye-magic display.)

Jay : What you need is a fatty-boom-batty blunt, and I guarantee you'll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-titted mermaids doing that lesbian shit.

-"Mallrats" (1995)

I'm finished.
Nate

The post that could very well get me killed.

The Pack, the Green and Gold, the legends of the "frozen tundra of Lambeau Field." These cats are easily the top dogs of the city they represent more than any other in the nation. More than the Yankees, more than the Cowboys, more than the Toledo Mud Hens. They are like a European soccer team in this city, with fans planning their whole lives around them. (Example: At work yesterday, we were finishing up training and one of the other trainees, a grown man, was pouting because the class was taking to long, cutting into his tailgating time. This was 3:00pm. The exhibition game started at 8:00pm.) Many things around town are named for Packer related things: the Stadium View Bar on Holmgren Way, Titletown brewery, Legends Steakhouse. These people cannot get enough Packers. And man, do I hate it.

Of course I will back up my statement with valid observations (of course I will.) Even if you like the Packers, this is still some stuff to think about.

1) I know you like to think your ish don't stank: Going into the 2002 season the Packers receiving corps looked as follows: Donald Driver, Terry Glenn and Javon Walker the Rookie from Florida State. (He was always referred to as "Javon Walker the Rookie from Florida State" his rookie year. Always.) Local radio stations and the Press Gazzette touted this as one of the most talented recieving corps in the leauge? WHAT? They had Donald Driver (who looks like a crackhead but a decent player), Terry Glenn (one weekend with Ricky Williams away from serving a 8 game drug suspension) and Javon Walker (who hadn't even found Green Bay on a map yet.) That's your superior recieving corp! Robert Ferguson was also in there except nobody expected him to make it through the first jog of the season without injury.

These people refuse to believe that they are inferior in anyway. Brett Favre talked about the Super Bowl during training camp this year, in 2004. People were all over it! "We've got one of the best offenses in the league." Yep, you do. Who is going to play defense though. They have a crap defensive line because it appears the Grady Jackson and Cletidus Hunt (the most suggestive name in the NFL) apparently ate their linemates. Gbaja-Biamila is one dimesnsional as well as hard to spell. Nick Barnett and my neighbor, Na'il Diggs compose a decent lindbacker group. The secondary is kinda suspect like Paris Hilton is "a little bit slutty." But, they can go to the Super Bowl? OK.

2) Unrealistic expectations: Mike Sherman was applauded, literally, at the Packers shareholder meeting for releasing DE Joe Johnson in the offseason. The Press Gazzette refered to it as the worst free agent signing in Packer if not NFL history. Fisrt of all, Sherman is the general manager that brought him in (more on Sherman in a moment) and what exactly did you expect? Joe Johnson was a decent player in New Orleans and came to the Packers and got injured. He got injured! You can talk about offseason preperation all you want, the fact is, you can't prevent injuries. People villified Johnson for being hurt and it did end up being bad for the team, as he was owed a lot of money. But in theory, it was a good pick up.

On top of that, they expect too much of rookies. There's a reason for that: They draft mediocre players way too high. The day after this first exhibition game the talk on the radio is this: "B.J. Sander has to go, he is not living up to the expectations we have for a 3rd round pick." I am going to say this once: HE DID NOT HAVE THIRD ROUND TALENT! The kicker, no pun intended, is that they actually traded up to get him! I simply refuse to believe that anyone would've taken him in the 3rd round. This year's first rounder, Ahmad Carroll, same thing: "He got burnt deep once in the exhibition. Maybe he shouldn't have held out." Maybe you pay him his money, then he gets into camp on time. Just a thought.

To be continued.

I'm finished,
Nate

I've got two words for ya.

Let's think about golf for a second. You hit a very small white ball with an akward shaped club on a specified area of grass, usually as long as several football fields. It's insane. Physics should not allow for it. Golf had to be invented by the same people that invented other ridiculously difficult contests like marathon and competitive eating. Am I alone in thinking the ability to golf is a divine skill, with professional golfers being its foremost disciples?

My uncle and cousin are currently down at the 86th PGA Championship at Whistling Straits near Kohler, WI. To quote Viper in "Top Gun", these guys "are the elite. (dramatic pause) The best of the best." When he was buying tickets, I even considered cowboying up and buying a $70 ticket for today or tomorrow on eBay. Then I thought about the last time I golfed with Kurt and Grant and spent the moments immediately after every shot saying "Kurt! Did you see where that one went? I lost it. Crap! Over where? Up by that tree? I shanked it that bad?" No matter how good the PGA pros are, they can't do anything about my eyesight. I think I can find another way to spend $70, as a matter of fact, I'm sure I can. But my uncle got to go to every single day, starting Tuesday and it's definately a cool thing to say you've been to.

I might, however be going to a Packer game next weekend when they face Duece McAllister and the New Orleans Saints. Actually because it's preseason, it'd be more like Aaron Stecker and the New Orleans Saints as teams in the league finally realize, "Hey, maybe we shouldn't risk our big name guys at all because these games don't mean JACK SQUAT." But, yeah I might get to go to the stadium and 1265 Lombardi Ave, so that should be fun. My goal this season is to make at least one regular season game, hopefully the Jaguars to see my boy, Byron Leftwich. By the way, I am preparing a rant of Denis Leary-esque proportions about the Packers and their fans. (Jaime, I will call you as soon as I am finished, as I'm sure you are gonna love it.)

Speaking of preseason football, I watched a little of the Falcons/Ravens game on Thursday. Mike Vick played in a total of 3 plays, which I thought may have been a little over-cautious. Then I saw their backup, Matt Schaub play. Not having Vick make the plane trip wouldn't have been too over-cautious. This Shaub kid was just brutal. What I don't understand is this: You've got Mike Vick, probably the most gifted athlete on the planet, who also happens to be able to throw the ball 60 yards with pinpoint accuracy on top of being one of the fastest guys in the league. And you back him up with SLOW WHITE GUYS! Schaub, David Rivers and Ty Freakin Detmer (yes, that Ty Detmer) would probably only be slight favorites in a footrace at the Paralympics. However, if you are looking for "Backup QB's who look most like they belong on "Kids in the Hall", accept no substitutes.



One last thing, on my list of "10 Things I Hate" (or as I like to call it "My Big Embarrassing Failure to Meet Ashly's Expectations") I had included Wisconsin Liquor Laws. Take that one off the list.
Reason 1: I was let in on a little secret by a female companion I was with last night: If you drive three miles out to Bellvue, there's a gas station that sells until midnight! Hallelujah! It's right by where I live!

Reason 2: Unlike Michigan, bars in Wisconsin can give you all you can drink beer. You heard me correctly. Mojo, of Puckhead fame, took me out Thursday for my 24th and suggested "We should go to 'The Bar.' You get all you can drink beer for free on your birthday." After I got through the light-headedness from hearing "all you can drink" and "free" in the same sentence, I peeled off a draft beer drinking exhibition of Quarter Night proportions (despite the fact we had the worst bartender in history.) We finished the night with a tray of oysters (fed to me by a Hooters girl) and I was still able to get up at 6:15am for work. Twenty-four and still able to party like a rock star. Nate, you truly are living (dramatic pause) the High Life.

Oh, and by the way: I'm Baaaaccckkk!

I'm finished,
Nate

And finally, number one.

OK, before I get to #1, I've gotta admit this was sort of a downer of an idea filled with disdain, laced with just a dash of contempt. I have just been on that kind of a kick lately. Things will certainly liven up in the future. Before I explain #1 I have to mention "those also receiving votes."

Honorable mention: X Box, Michael Moore, the town of Engadine, "The Reason" by Hoobastank, Hudson's fries, any movie with Julia Roberts in it (exception for "Ocean's Eleven"), marijuana, Michigan Tech basketball, Coca-Cola, figure skating, Jello, fishing, hunting, deer in general, time between NBA finals and college football season (so, now.), e-mail spam and most forwards, musicals, and the closest to making the list: road construction.

Drumroll, please.

This is the moment where all of Ashly's curiosity will be vanquished. Are you ready?

1) Hot air hand dryers- I ABSOLUTELY HATE THESE GOD DAMNED THINGS! Presumably the brainchild of hippies and the French, these things have been ruining my public restroom experiences for as long as I can remember. Few scenarios will frustrate me more than spending a minute rubbing my hands under the hot air only to end up using my portable towel (i.e. my pants) to finish the job! I pretty sure that paper towels are the undisputed champ of hand drying efficiency. Put some god damned paper towels in there!

I distinctly remember asking my mother when I was like 4, "Why? Why blow dryer?" Her response: "Um. They're better for the environment?" But they're not better for the environment! They blow out hot freaking air! How does the air get hot? I'll give you a hint, IT'S NOT BY SOLAR POWER! Not to mention the fact that you rarely get your hands dry the first time, so you push it again. That uses more electricity, which increases our need for more fossil fuels, which will eventually lead to the world choking on it's own freaking pollution as well as putting a Democrat in office. (No, I do not have any scientific data to back that claim up.)

The only humorous thing about these villians of the dry hand, are the instructions. Step 1) Push button. Step 2) Rub hands gently under air. REALLY!?!? How in the hell else could it work? Push button, then repeatedly bang head against air nozzle? There's one button and one place that the god damned air can come out! Condoms? NO! Those are in the other machine, jackass!

Perhaps I can someday come to terms with hot air drying technology. In a time where multi drying options in public restrooms are the norm, perhaps I can learn to co-exist with these blowing tools. Someday, the urge to take a hand dryer out and beat the living shiznit out of it fax-machine-in-Office-Space style, may pass.

Just kidding! Burn in the public restrooms of hell, you bastards!

I'm finished.
Nate

...continued.

"Hi. My name is Sully and this is my girl, Zazu. We're from Boston, Mass; birthplace of Paul Revere, the US Constitution and... Noommmmaaahhhh!"

I just. Couldn't. Help myself.

Now on to the list:

5) Commercials- I believe the creator of the modern commercial, Étienne J. Commércial (pronounced: com-air-see-all, and said with a snooty French accent) should have his body dug up and shot into space, mere retaliation for the near apocalyptic plague he inflicted on society. (OK, so I made that up, but isn't it nice to think that the creator of something so sinister is a French guy?)

TV commercials are bad, but worse yet are radio commercials, because you are less likely to go station surfing during these breaks (unless you listen to country music, because there are 75 different stations to choose from, no matter where you are!) And local commercials? AAAHHHH! I heard a commercial during a Little League baseball game last year and I swear to God it said this:

"It's almost tournament time, and you know what that means. It's time to get that new deck or spa you've been dreaming about!"

Are you kidding? Read it again, and then let it sink in that this was actually on the radio. Or this one, in a jingle from Jack & Jill's, a former kids store in Marquette:

"Girls and Boys/ need clothes and toys/ to boost their self esteem!"

Take that, Dr. Phil! The only way to keep a kids self esteem up is to spoil the bejeezus out of 'em. Dumbass.

4) Children- I always hear this argument, "You'll feel different when you have kids." Maybe so. I just think if a child is screaming and more than 10 feet from his parents in a grocery store, you should legally be allowed to clothesline him. And, "Isn't my son/daughter just the most precious thing?" A wise man once said: "Children are like poetry. They are beautiful to their creator, but..."

3) The Wisconsin liquor laws- I'm not even sure if these are actually laws. All I do know is, that the latest I've been able to buy carry out beer in Green Bay is 10pm. Oh, you can drink at a bar until 2am, but you'll never make it that far because most places have last call at 1:15am! I live in a town with liquor stores that are bigger than some supermarkets and yet all these fatuous restrictions are placed on me! I guess there is a bright side; I could've lived during prohibition. Ugh. I just got a little shiver up my spine.

2) The low carb fad- Remember the good old days when people would lose weight by eating in moderation and exercising? Remember when people tried to burn calories, rather than cut carbs? Remember when you wouldn't see stupid things on gas station marquees, like: "Our Gas Is Atkins Friendly?" Remember when you could eat spaghetti or bread and not have some dunderhead telling you: "That is just loaded with carbs, you know?"

Can we go back to those times, like when Slim Fast was the craze: "I just starve myself through breakfast and lunch with these abominable chocolate shakes, and then if I don't pass out from hunger, I eat a healthy dinner." But Nate, that isn't healthy for you! Well, according to the Food Pyramid, neither is cutting out bread and pasta, of which you are supposed to get 8 servings per day! Where's the love for the Food Pyramid? More importantly, why wasn't the food pyramid on "I Love the 90's?" I want answers!

Not that any of you probably care, but you're going to have to wait to see #1...

I'm finished.
Nate

10 things I hate about...everything.

Any of you that know me also know that I'm always saying, "I hate this." or "This is stupid." So it struck me today that I should write down those things that piss me off or that I think are just plain dumb. I will not include single incidences, like "When I lost a 20 dollar bill coming out of Econo Foods today." or "My words and actions for a majority of last night." Just things I don't like in general.

10) Reality TV- I shouldn't even have to explain this. You all know the reasons that reality TV sucks. Almost all of it is straight up painful to watch. The only possible exceptions are "Cops" and last season of "Last Comic Standing." In our lifetime, we've seen a woman marry "a millionare", we've seen 5 seasons of "Bachelor" (and they've failed to produce a lasting relationship yet) and people eating from a buffet of testicles. This used to be much higher on my list, but I've finally just given in to this crap. This is the kind of genre that can make Paris Hilton a superstar. Well, that and amateur porn.

9) Democrats and Hippies- You ever notice that the people that are the most politically active are the ones with less to do? It's not activism, it's lack of ambition. They say that the Republican party is for older people. I say it's for more enlightened people. And no, by enlightened I don't mean stoned, hippies.

8) The New York Yankees- True, there is no salary cap in baseball, but this ish is out of hand. They pay out nearly a quarter billion dollars a year in salary. For a quarter billion dollars, that team should win the World Series (of baseball and poker), the World Cup of soccer, and the freakin Super Bowl. God, I hope this team doesn't win the Series this year. Unfortunatly I don't think Boston has the horses right now, plus they just traded Noooommaaahhhh! I think that was a bad move, your just asking for karma to come back and bite you in the ass. Enough about sports. I also despise the Red Wings. Now I'm done. Sadly, this upcoming weekend was originally scheduled to be the weekend Grant and I went to Detroit Rock City for a Sox/Tigers set. = ( OK, now I'm really done.

7) Really drunk people- I'm definately talking about last night's edition of me. (Special thanks are in order for the select few that put up with me after 10:30pm last night. I have designated all recent Sundays to reflection on the Jackassery that occured the night before.) I'm talking about the girl on her 21st birthday who sings the beginning of "In Da Club" over and over. I'm talking about the guy who hits on everything with two legs or wants to fight because somebody gave him "the eye." I love to drink and have a good time. On special occasions like Daytona Day, the day someone breaks up with you, or last night (um, I thought it was Bastille Day?), I like to drink more than I should. When that happens, I hate me (so as not to be a hypocrite.) I despise the drunk person who can't put together a coherent sentence or keep balance for more than 30 seconds at a time, yet is still trying to dance.

6) People in front of me when the light turns green- GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! YOU HAVE A GREEN ARROW!!!! JUST GOOOOOO!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'll put up #'s 5-1 sometime this week.

Oh, yeah. Nooooommmaaaaahhhh!!!!

I'm finished.
Nate

You can call me...Hollywood.

Sadly, nobody commented on the part of my last post that I found so excruciatingly obvious when I glanced at it again today. That title was ridiculous. "Things that byte?" I feel like I'm Rodney Dangerfield and nobody had the guts to tell me how painfully unfunny I was on that one. Moving on.

I read the entertainment news today because it always makes me laugh. Today's issue was no different. First story, "Courtney Love Sentenced to Rehab." I think you could base warranties upon the frequency of that story, "Tires guaranteed for 50,000 miles or until the next time Courtney Love is in rehab, whichever comes first." And let me ask you something, can we even consider Courtney Love a celebrity anymore? She was married to a famous rock star, had one song, did one good movie (The People v. Larry Flynt), and she's crazy and likes drugs. That's it, end of list. Plus, she was the charter member of the Show Up at Awards Shows Looking Like a Crackwhore Club.

Catherine Zeta Jones got to see the woman accused of making death threats against her because of a crush the woman had on Michael Douglas. Ladies, please tell me that 59 yeart old Michael Freaking Douglas is not that good looking. Of course, if Catherine Zeta Jones is actaully 35 then I can fly to the damn moon. She's at least 40. Take a look at her in her next T-Mobile commercial, definately 40. The best quote came from the accused's fiancee, "She still hopes to pursue her career as a child psychologist." Somebody get Ricky Williams on the phone.

Tom Sizemore's relationship with Heidi Fleiss didn't turn out so well; he's accused of beating her. Tom, was there anything about "I'm gonna date Heidi Fleiss." that made you think "This will turn out well?" Survey says... No.

And of course, fallout still continues from the monster split of Paris Hilton and Nick Carter. Paris wants to focus on her career. That's Paris Hilton, who's best work to date was this video I saw on the Internet, she and this dude were all like... I'm gonna stop there.

I'll try to do better next time.

I'm finished.
Nate

Ricky Ticky Williams.

Let me start out with a quote from Ricky Williams, the now former running back of the Miami Dolphins, on the impending economic effects of his retirement:

"People are worried about the future of my children, but a child doesn't need much to be happy -- needs food, a change of clothes and for you to pay attention to him. A bottle of baby food costs 79 cents. I have that much."

A couple of thoughts on that. For one, does that sound like someone you'd like to have raising a kid? I'm sure he doesn't actually takes care of the kids, he has three but is officially "single", however I would like to hear some other parenting strategies from Ricky Williams. Like, "Kids are easy to take care of, just put em in the back yard and strap a leash on em." Or, "You can leave kids in the car while you hit the grocery store. They wear diapers, for god sakes."

Ah, what the hell, this whole post is gonna be about Ricky Williams. If you don't like football, stick around anyways, this cat was pretty, um...free spirited.

For those that don't remember when Ricky Williams came into the league, he was annointed as the future of that franchise and the pro running back position. He came out of college with the highest career rushing total in NCAA history and had just won the Heisman in the most ridiculously lopsided race I can remember. The Saints traded a boatload of draft picks to get him.

He could have been in line to be one of the highest paid rookies in NFL history. So who does he enlist to negotiate his contract with the Saints? A guy named Percy Miller, otherwise known as Master P. Yes, that Master P. Can you see them meeting in the GM's office? "Yo. Yo, Saints owner. What's crackin with these incentive clauses? My man is here in the dirty, dirty south needing to gets that cheddar! You gotta "Make Us Say...Unngghhh, son!!!" But, at Ricky's request, they negotiated one of the strangest contracts in NFL history, with a couple million up front and then a bunch of incentives that would kick in if he reached certain stats during the season. I read an article back then where he was quoted saying something to the effect of, "That couple of million up front should keep me set for life." Yeah, after all it only takes about 79 cents to raise a kid.

So then he starts his rookie year and everybody wants to talk to him during training camp. So you'd see him do interviews...with his helmet on. He never took the thing off. Remember that incentive heavy "they only pay me for what I'm worth" contract? It's great unless you get hurt, and Ricky Williams did nothing better in his first year than get injured. Plus, the contract's incentives were not easy to attain. I think "Rush for 2000 yard score 20 TD's and then paint the entire Louisiana Superdome" was one of them. It really wasn't his fault. Senator Ditka, who was coaching him at the time, was basically calling him a fairy while he was playing with serious injuries on a horrendous team. I'm not even a Saints fan and I was pissed that he kept getting hurt, because it was so completely unnecessary!

Before he left the Saints two years ago, Ricky once suggested that the team move to Texas so he could be closer to home. What? You don't just go into your job and say "Hey, I like you guys, but could you move the office so it's down the block from my house? Super." Soon, the Saints had a comparable running back on the roster in Duece McAllister, who they weren't paying quite as much, and Ricky was traded to Miami. Not the best place for him to play football, because...

Ricky Williams likes to smoke weed. In an article I read today, Ricky said he would like to spend more time in Jamaica with his close friends... Bob Marley's kids. I'm not making it up. He just recently failed his second league drug test and was facing a big fine. This was a minor reason for his retirement he said. I think it falls under "the constraints put on my life by professional football." He also admitted to drinking a masking agent to cover up his drug use on previous tests. I think it's amiable that you can have a conviction so strong that you can stare a $3.5 million a year salary in the face and say, "Screw it. I'd rather smoke weed."

So, does he want to go on to a career in psychology, or acting, or anything that'll put that 79 cents in his pocket? He got a one way ticket to Asia (yeah, just somewheer in Asia, the largest continent on the planet) and says he just wants to have fun. Dolphins fans are pissed (as a Patriot fan, I could give a crap), but hopefully he finds happiness getting blunted out with Ziggy Marley and Co., while touring Asia, or whatever. He says he's finally free, doesn't give a crap about money and is set for a life of adventure.

Makes you think, doesn't it?

Random Movie Quote:*

Vince: So if your quitting the life, what'll you do?

Jules: That's what I've been sitting here contemplating. First, I'm gonna deliver this case to Marsellus. Then, basically, I'm gonna walk the earth. You know, like Caine in Kung Fu. Just walk from town to town, meet people, get in adventures.

Vince: You decided to be a bum? you're gonna be like those pieces of shit out there who beg for change. They walk around like a bunch of fuckin' zombies, they sleep in garbage bins, they eat what I throw away, and dogs piss on 'em. They got a word for 'em, they're called bums. And without a job, residence, or legal tender, that's what you're gonna be – a fuckin' bum!

-"Pulp Fiction" (1994)

I'm finished.
Nate

*- Loosely translated.

Shawn Kemp, The E! True Holywood Story.

First, I must apologize to Jaime for repeated spelling mistakes involving her name. Please accept my sincerest apologies, as of course this disrespect was not intended. I do apologize for any problems this error on my part may have caused. After all, it isn't your fault your parents couldn't figure out how to spell Jamie. Now on with the show.

Narrator: This is the E! True Hollywood Story of Shawn Kemp. Shawn Kemp grew up in Elkhart, IN where he was one of 15 black youths...in the state. In his senior season at Concord High School he led his team to an undefeated season and state title. High school coach, Norman "Hoosier" Thompkins..

Coach: He was the best player I have ever seen. I was truly blessed to have coached him. Do you know how easy it is for me to get laid these days? Undefeated season? State title? In Indiana? Shit, son. I'm knee deep in the...

Narrator: After high school, Kemp enrolled at the University of Kentucky but was unable to attain the lofty academic standards...of a state school in Kentucky. Then Kentucky basketball coach, Rick Pitino...

Pitino: Shawn Kemp was supposed to come here? I was too busy looking ahead to destroying the Celtics franchise in 1997, I didn't even notice.

Narrator: Kemp then attended Trinity Valley Comm. Coll. in Texas. However, he would never play there. Trinity coach, Lou Stein...

Stein: He said something to me like, "Coach, I just can't get enough poon here at Community College. I've gotta take my pimp game pro."

Narrator: And pimp he did. Drafted by the Seattle Supersonics with the 17th pick in the NBA draft. Kemp celebrated the historic night by knocking up his first groupie in the New York hotel he was staying at.

Kemp: She was all like, "You got a room here?" I'm like, "Yeah." She's like, "Who are you?" I'm like, "I'm Shawn Kemp. Just got drafted by Seattle." And it was on. It was on.

Narrator: Kemp became a force to be reckoned with in his first 5 years in the leauge, averaging around 15 points and 10 rebounds per game, as well as a leauge high 0.60 pregnancy/season ratio bringing his career kid count to four. Kemp even mananged to have two of his next three children with the same woman.

Kemp: I did? No shit? I thought she looked familiar.

Narrator: The fantasy ride continued for Kemp who in 1998 discovered, on a 3 hour layover in Dallas, that he had fathered a child there. The child had ironically been conceived on a previous 3 hour layover in Dallas. Former teammate, Kendall Gill...

Gill: That one kinda surprised him. Well, I guess surprise isn't exactly the word. More like he was surprised it was Dallas and not San Antonio. He thought for sure he had knocked that stripper up in San Antonio. He got lucky on that one.

Narrator: Then, before the 1998-99 season, the NBA players were "locked out" because they couldn't agree on a new deal with the leauge. During this time, Kemp underwent a drastic reformation. Former coach, that guy that coached Cleveland in 1998-99...

That guy: He started eating. A lot. And drinking heavily. Between the food and booze and child support payments, he barely had any money left for condoms!

Narrator: And it showed, by the time the abbreviated season started in 1999 Kemp had fathered two more children, by the same mother, and ballooned from his svelt, athletic rookie body, into somewhere in the "Dad from Family Matters" territory. Kemp's career continued in Portland and Orlando before finally ending in 2002-03. Looking back, NBA commissioner David Stern...

Stern: Sure he was a 6 time All Star and was one of the original NBA players to not attend college. But the one thing he could do better than anyone of his era, was father illegitimate children. Seven children with five baby mommas? That is a record for the ages.

Narrator: Former heavyweight boxing champ and father of five illegitimate children, Evander Holyfield...

Holyfield: He's the greatest. Ali was the greatest at knock outs. Kemp was the greatest at knock ups.

Narrator: Kemp recently signed with the Oklahoma Storm of the CBA, and will be bringing his fathering ways to small towns all over the country. He also recently signed a shoe deal for the first time in almost seven years. He will be endorsing a shoe called simply "thePump." CEO of thePump, Nathan Holtslander..

Umm, me: You've got a shoe called thePump. You think Shawn Kemp, don't you? It's just makes sense.

Narrator: After the original airing of this show, Shawn Kemp had another kid and supposedly had an attempt made on his life. We wish him the best.

THE END

I'm finished.
And tired of typing.
Nate

Running and rescues.

I went out running this morning.  Read that last sentence again.  I wasn't running from the cops or for my life, I was just running for the sake of exercise.  You know what I found out?  Two things, a) I'm not going to be the freakish "push yourself!" type of runner (not yet anyway, but you gotta start somewhere) and b) my hip is screwed up.  However, I did take pride in the fact that I was out there at a) 7:00am, b) after already loading an elliptical machine into a van, and c) not hungover.  It felt pretty darned good.  I know what your saying, "Nate, you can't exercise and stop drinking beer!  Anheuser-Busch will never survive!"  Don't fear my children.  I'm merely cutting back a little bit.  As I approach my 24th birthday (on August 12th for those of you shopping early), I realized that a few life changes probably have the potential to make me a better, more well-rounded person.  That is my goal.  Good lord, did I just set a goal?
 
OK, did anybody see the video of that car chase over the Fox River bridge (the big one you go over on I-43 on your way to Milwaukee/Chicago) on the news? If not, you can get the video and story through a link, available at greenbaypressgazette.com  I saw it on "Good Morning America" and they interviewed the trooper involved.  It was simply unbelievable.  
 
I invite you all to check back in later tonight.  In conjunction with the development of my plan to bring back "The Pump" shoes (solely [get it? sole-ly? {is this how you are supposed to group stuff inside parentheses?}] to compete with Jamie's "LA Knights" brand), I will be writing a breif synopsis of the "E! True Hollywood Story"  for the front runner to be our spokesperson, former NBA legend Shawn Kemp.  That last sentence had 62 words in it.  Be assured, you do not want to miss this.  Until then...  
 
I'm finished.
 Nate

Hia-what-the-hell did I do last night?

Had another outstanding weekend, just in case you were keeping score at home.  Thanks to some well laid plans by my contingent in Marquette, I was able to attended the Hiawatha Music Festivoolae, for next to nothing.  I know what you're saying, "Nate, good lord.  You show your affection for Britney Spears a couple of days ago, now your attending Hippie Fest USA?"  It's not like that.  There was some decent music, some hotties, good eats, drum circle things with girlies dancing around a fire, and lots and lots of drunk ass people.  In all, it was worth the price of admission.
 
Oh, and on top of it, I was pretty hammered my damn self.  I think we crashed out at 3:30am and woke up around 10:00am.  I was OK until I got back to Rapid and got some food in me.  Suddenly, all I wanted to do was sleep.  Jamie had told me of her unfortunate visit from the Regurgitation Fairy this morning, and I was hoping that said Fairy had decided to pass me by.  Thankfully, I survived the day without vomitting and even got some yard work done.  I can puke after just a couple beers, depending on how much I eat.  I might puke after a night of drinking, especially if liquor is involved.  I have never, and hopefully will never, puke the next day.  It's a streak of Cal Ripkin proportions.
 
So, I have been getting to do all this cool stuff while I'm not working.  I look at it like this, I'm like a convict that's waiting to go to prison.  I've got three weeks until my job at Thrivent starts,  I might as well make the most of it, right?  I should do things like go to a Brewers game.  Things like explore Door County. Things like getting crazy on the dance floor to some banjo music.  My motto for the next couple of weeks, "If it feels good, give it a try."  I may even go hiking. (gasp!) What have I become?
 
Well that's all I got.  Pass the bong.
 
Kidding. Duh.
 
I'm finished.
Nate

Songs for Swinging Larvae.*

I think it is high time that I address a very serious issue to me.  It is one that has plagued me since high school and still does until this day.  It's a problem that involves a pusher, trying to prey on weakness.  It is the problem of people trying to get me "in to" crappy music.  Just to let you know: I'm gonna get pissed here.  
 
You know these people, or maybe you are one.  The guy who's like:   "Hey, can I put my CD in? There's this song by this Irish punk/ska band, the song's called "Flaming Buildings."  It's kind of an Iraqi war protest song.  I think you're gonna love it."    
 
So you let them put it on, hoping it will make them happy, and it's some travashammockery of a song that sounds like Green Day and Korn collided with Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.  Of course that's just the beginning. They ask you, "I know you're into rap (because rap, hip-hop and R&B all fall under the same category, but Dublin Trombones have a special genre called Punk/Ska), but wasn't that a cool song?"
 
You try to tell them, "Well, it's not my cup of tea."  So, they try harder.  "Just listen to Number Six. Number Six is awesome."  What, are you getting commission every time the song's played?  Number Six, as it turns out, sucks harder than "Burning Buildings" did.  Of course, while it's playing, they are telling you the entire history of the band, including other "progressive" bands you've never heard of that they've been in (most of which have at least one member who has died of a heroine overdose, making them "hardcore.")  
 
My plea to these people is this: "Leave me the F alone. I'll chose my own music, thanks."  As you can see from my profile, I have a widely varied taste in music, ranging from Brooks & Dunn to Linkin Park.  I'm sure the Dropkick Murphys are a great band and if I ever heard one of their songs playing at a party, I wouldn't protest.  I just do not want to be forced to listen to them. OK?  Are we clear?  I like a song by the Baha Men called "Move It Like This."  I never make people listen to it, because they would say, "Nice song.  Did you remember to let the dogs out?  Baha Men suck!"  What if I said, "Hey, your band, Pumpkin Seed Necrophiliacs, sucks."  All of a sudden I'm too "pop," and I'm close minded.  No, I just don't have time to read "Garage Band Weekly" for the latest on some broke band with really "experimental" music. Sorry.  
 
So that's it.  And if I get one comment, from anyone, that says: "Hey, Dropkick Murphys kick ass!" You've proved my point.  So don't.  I will listen to my "rap", my country, my Linkin Park and be very happy.  
 
But, if you've got a minute, there's a song by this girl from Louisiana.  It's called "Everytime" by Britney Spears.**  You should really listen to it.  I have the CD in my car. Can I play it?  
 
I'm finished.
Nate  
 
*- Song for Swinging Larvae is an actual album by "Renaldo & the Loaf." Look it up. I dare you.
**- I really do like "Everytime" by Britney. 

Four more years!

I got to see our 43rd president, George W. Bush tonight! I don't know if anyone went to it in Marquette, or how the thing was set up there, but we got down near the Resch Center for 3:30pm for Bush's arrival at 6:00pm. I'm thinking, "Sweet. Two and a half hours of this plastic seat." So they had some Christian soul singers up there, then 3 Republicans that are vyeing to get beat by Russ Feingold in the state house race, then a good cover band and then...

"Ladies and Gentlemen, a man who uses politics for most of his material: Mr. Dennis Miller!"

What? Holy shit, it is Dennis Miller! So he talked for a while... and was hilarious! "When it comes to the war, Kerry's a chess player. He would analyze all the situations until the clock runs out and we lose our turn. Bush is a checkers player: Sometimes you run into a punk...and you jump him!" Just friggin' awesome! So, I got to see Dennis Miller for free. Then Dennis says...

"I'd like to introduce a man who knows more about the desert than the Iraqis, from Las Vegas, Nevada...Mr. Wayne Newton!"

Wayne Effin' Newton. He was performing 30 feet from where we were sitting! He sang Donkershane (however you spell it) and a few other songs. That was Wayne Newton, folks! These tickets were free!

While GW is on his way down Lombardi St. I said to my cousin Ethen, "They should play Toby Keith's "The Angry American." And as if the presidential DJ was listening to me, it starts blaring over the speakers! I'm all on my feet and singing it, holding a big Green and Gold sign that said, "Bush is MY President!" So, then George W. rolls in (literally. They drove the bus directly into the Resch.) and gave a rousing speach that made me feel good about my safety, the economy, and the strength of this great nation! I played it cool, I'm all like "Woooooohhhhhoooooooo! Four More Years! Four More Years! Wwwwwoooooooooo!" Good Lord! It was awesome.

I just had to get all of that out!

I'm finished.
Nate

The Bush Auditorium?

So, my sister called me today from the Superior Dome and said "I was just four feet from President Bush!" Then she started to tear up a little. I must say I am quite proud that we have another potential Republican in the family. My parents raised us to be good strict followers of the Ummm...Politics? Party. It's not that they are misinformed hicks, just that they don't get into politics all that much. As for me, it's like Grant would say: "You're a Democrat in Republican clothing." He's partly right. I have some left wing views on abortion, gay rights, and a few other social issues. I don't however, support a lot of the tactics of "tax and spend liberals" to fund a lot of sometimes unneccessary social programs. In the end though, my alliance lies solely with Bush. I did read a little blurb about the visit on Fox News.com, and saw a quote from one of the NMU Poly-Sci professors, Robert Kulishek. How you can ask a Northern professor about a)politics, b)George W. Bush, c)Republicans in general, and you don't include Dr. William Ball? How? He could have made a comment along the lines of:

"People generally vote Democrat in the U.P. because they are stupid. I don't know what the hell's wrong with 'em! Maybe enough of these inbreds will be impressed enough that Bush visited here and "Plasticface" Kerry didn't, that they'll change their minds. I gotta go have a smoke."

I love that guy. Also in that article, they reffered to the Superior Dome, probably the largest structure, capacity wise, in the U.P. as a "wooden domed auditorium." Excuse my language, but they play effin' football in there!! They don't call Lambeau Field an outdoor green-colored auditorium. They don't call Ford Field an effin' gym, do they?!?! I think they need to fire the Superior Audito... I mean Dome's P.R. guy (assuming such a position exists), post haste!

For me it was just another day of looking for part time jobs and reading news stories on the internet. You know, this isn't a bad life. What was that? No money. Oh yeah. Buzzkill. Talked to a good friend who is in the hospital today for surgery. She has to have more procedures done tomorrow and will probably be in MGH until Friday. Makes me feel lucky that I haven't had any invasive procedures in a while. Had a bit of a scare yesterday, as Matt and I were helping a neighbor move a very large (and very expensive) new TV. I had to readjust my grip and, to make a long story short, heard my hip "pop." I'm not sure how bad it was, but thankfully it feels better all ready so I'm not too worried. Last night however, it hurt like hell (like "only can sleep on one side" hurt like hell.)

Well guys, sorry about not being very humorous lately. I've been writing posts earlier in the day and for some reason, I'm just not very funny at this time of the day. You'll also noticed that I put some links on the sidebar. I was trying to get a ticker to work over there with the temperature in different parts of Wisconsin, but screwed that one up bad. So, go to the links if you feel like it. I'll probably add more in the future.

I'm finished.
Hoss



;-)

Lasting "effects" and the long weekend.

Wow. What a 48 hour period. I left Green Bay Saturday morning to go to Iron Mountain. Spent the whole day (and a majority of the night) hanging out with some great folks at Beej's graduation party. Oh, and I had a couple of beers. OK. Maybe it was more than a couple. Beej and Katie seem to be doing very well in Seattle and Gabe and his girl Beth were there as well, so all was good. Sunday morning, I decide I want to go to Marquette, and do. After a quick shower at Lori's, I had lunch/dinner with Karissa, a couple of cocktails with Gabe and Beth, and hung with Ash, Bridget and Co. (sadly, no Jamie but as she said "Maybe you could call next time.") to watch a movie. I then caught about an hour and a half of sleep and drove back to Green Bay...at 3:45 AM CST. Got in around 7:00 AM, and I must say driving in the early morning is very relaxing. Very action packed weekend all around!

The one movie that I watched with that crew last night was "The Butterfly Effect." Ashly had asked for comments about it last night, I decided to wait until today. The movie can be summed up in one word: overdone. Ashton Kutcher can go back in time and change things that he did in his life at key points that eventually have a ripple effect, drastically changing the course of the future. It's an interesting concept and the unexpected cut scenes provide plenty of startling chills, but it is all just too much. I mean, first of all, Michael Kelso is playing a serious role. He pulls it out for the most part, but a the end of the day, this is the guy from "Dude, Where's My Car." It's difficult to get past that. I think Amy Smart may have blown her last chance to get to Reese Witherspoon Territory and may be making her permanent residence in Tara Reid-ville. Anyways, some of the scenes in this movie were downright depraved and disturbing and that leaves an effect. I didn't fully understand the ending, but then again I did doze a couple of times during the viewing. And one question for anyone that's seen the movie: Did Ethan Suplee's character, Thumper the big goth guy roomate, serve a purpose in this movie? At all? Just askin.

So that was a random movie review. I heard something hilarious a couple of weeks ago, my uncle Matt had vaccuumed out my cousin Dillon's car, presumably because he had got dirt in there from golfing. He comes back in and says "OK, Dillon, I'm done. I pimped your ride." That is funny, I don't care who you are.

I'm finished.
Nate