Licking the Bowl and Giving Out Awards.

Double Post!

That's right, kids. Two doses of the Nate Dogg today because I'm in a good mood! It starts with football stuff and I'll end with some Best of 2005 awards. All aboard!!!

Tough one for Michigan the other night. Not much else to say. They got beat by a pretty average team. I talked a little U of M football with former backup placekicker Luke Perl who happened to spot me wearing my Tom Brady 2000 Orange Bowl replica jersey over the weekend. Cool guy. Can't recall if he ever played in any games, but... The TB jersey was a great Christmas gift from my girlfriend.

Without further ado, the conclusion of my bowl picks:

Capital One Bowl, Jan. 2- Orlando, FL
Wisconsin v. Auburn
After seeing Bucky play a lot more than I cared for this year (except for the game at Camp Randall, that was awesome.), I've been frustrated by this team. The squeak by both U of M's (Wolverines and Gophers), lose to Northwestern in a shootout and then in typical Badger style, limp to the finish. I guess I'll pull for Bucky to pull this one out, but I'm afraid the smart money's on Auburn.

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, Jan. 2- Tempe, AZ
Notre Dame v. Ohio St.
Quote of the bowl season from super Michigan fan, Grant Murray:

"Notre Dame is playing Ohio St in the Fiesta Bowl. Good god, can I root for a scoreless tie?"

In a related note, I don't care what Mel Kiper says, Brady Quinn is not going to be a better NFL quarterback than Matt Leinart. It just isn't going to happen. Can we stop with this talk now?

Nokia Sugar Bowl, Jan. 2- Atlanta, GA
Georgia v. West Virginia
How long has it taken us to pine for the days that Miami and Virginia Tech were in the Big East? Yep, this is your answer. I want to watch West Virginia about as much as I'd want to go watch somebody's garage band play five sets of Bob Dylan. UGA by a lot.

FedEx Orange Bowl, Jan. 3- Miami, FL
Florida St. v. Penn St.
Intrigue abounds in this matchup of coaches with about 800 wins and 250 years between them in Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno. I still cannot believe this is the same Penn St. football team that Grant and I saw scrambling to come back against Northwestern in September. I'll have to take them here. Hail the Lions of the Nittany Valley.

The Rose Bowl presented by Citi, Jan. 4- Pasadena, CA
Southern California v. Texas
I like USC in this one, but it's not because Reggie Bush is supposedly the greatest running back on the planet right now, it's more because they are the defending champs and I think they are just plain better than Texas. The Longhorns are by no means bad, but I think the jubilation of finally getting over the Oklahoma hump may have been their season. Texas doesn't seem to have the swagger right now to beat the champs, but there is always 2007.

Finally, I'm very dismayed by all the talk about Reggie Bush's impending NFL stardom. If the NFL draft has taught us anything, it is that nothing is for sure. Plus, I think a lot of folks forget things like: "The linebackers hit harder in the NFL." "They play a longer season." "NFL defenses are very smart." My point is, Reggie Bush had a huge college season and was the best player in the nation this year. Barring a Willis McGahee type injury next Wednesday he will most likely be cashing a huge check later in the year from the Saints or the 49ers. Then in August we will see what he can do on the next level. What I don't need right now in December of 2005 is people saying Reggie Bush is the best running back on any level. Just stop it.

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First Annual Hossie Awards for 2005

Best TV Show- "Commander in chief." Turned out to be a lot more than I expected. It made me like Geena Davis. That was a small miracle after "A League of Their Own." A close second is Boston Legal.
Worst TV Show- "Britney & Kevin: Chaotic." True story. We watched this show for 2 minutes and then I set forth a decree that we never turn it on again. Under any circumstances.
Best Song- "Beverly Hills- Weezer" Close call between that and "The Geeks Get The Girl- American Hi-Fi," "Ohio (Come Back to Texas)- Bowling for Soup," and "Sugar- Trick Daddy and Lil Kim."
Worst Song- Mike Jones! Mike Jones! Mike Jones! Mike Jones! Mike Jones! SHUT THE HELL UP, MIKE JONES! Seriously, this year for hip-hop music may have been the single worst year for any genre in the history of time.
Best Movie- "Star Wars Episode III" Finally, one of the prequels lived up to expectations and hype. To be fair, I am bestowing this award and have not seen King Kong yet. The runners up in this category were "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and "Batman Begins."
Worst Movie- "The Perfect Man" My old nemesis Roger Ebert actually summed this movie up best: "The Perfect Man" takes its idiotic plot and uses it as the excuse for scenes of awesome stupidity." Runner up? "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."
Best Story- "Nick and Jessica Break Up." Remember when Jessica was the wholesome country girl that had tamed the heart of a hugely successful playboy? It's like someone flipped the "She becomes a skank overnight and he has nothing to do while she's filming Dukes of Hazzard, so he decides to bone every stripper he sees" switch this year. Pure entertainment.
Worst Story- Katrina.
Most Intriguing Person- Felicity Huffman. I have a feeling she'll be carrying her own TV shows long after Teri Hatcher is having her second bout of Used-to-be-on-a-popular-show-and-now-is-forgotten-itis and even after we are saying, "Remember that actress everyone thought was hot until they took a second look and realized it just wasn't true? It was Eva... Eva Long... something."
Worst Pain in The Butt Who People Couldn't Stop Discussing- Terrell Owens. Just go away. You are voted off the island.
Thing That Made Me Most Happy- Patriots. Tom Brady for President.
Thing That Makes The Least Sense- It's a toss up between Tom & Katie and the Tyra Banks talk show.

Things I hope for in 2006: No more reality TV (unless it's Cops), No more pissing off countries that have big militaries, No more huge hurricanes, More good Ryan Reynolds movies, Less marginally talented good looking people being talked about constantly, Less scandals from Republicans (you know, the whole throwing stones and glass houses thing), Less people from the Salvation Army going on TV news pissed off because people gave too much money to disaster relief and not to them, Less people from the Salvation Army on the news at all, Less millionare athletes claiming they need more money to "feed their families" or that they need a stipend to buy dress clothes, More hockey, Cheaper gas, The ability to fly.

Happy New Year, my friends!

I'm finished,
Nate

Season's Greetings

A picture of me and the T Puppy, before we had some "holiday spirits.:



Merry Christmas!
Nate

Ruining My Fantasy.

I am still recovering from the shocking football loss this weekend. No, not the Colts blowing their chance for a perfect season. I'm talking about the 58-59 playoff loss that the Appleton Smoke suffered at the hands of the X-Men. I never thought it would end like this. I envisioned a final climactic battle between myself and Uncle Matt. It was not to be. Still, I took home $100 for second place in the regular season (when you figure that it was a $65 entry fee and I'll have $15 in transaction costs taken out of my winnings, my net is only $20), so all was not lost. Still, I have that empty feeling of wait until next year.

I'd like to take a moment to show some love to my boys that excelled this season for the Smoke: Marc Bulger, Jake Plummer, Shaun Alexander, Corey Dillon, Chad Johnson, and Josh Brown.




Now you shouldn't have to hear me talking about fantasy football until next year's draft. Everybody wins.

I'm finished,
Nate

Reckless Adjudication

Every once in a while you'll hear about a judge making a particularly... um... questionable decision in a case. Like we've all heard the one about the young man who was let off the hook for rape because of the judge's "boys will be boys" mentality. I firmly believe that we do need judges to fill in the grey area where the law is not specifically hammered out. There needs to be someone wearing that robe that can look at a case as objectively as possible and make sure the rule of law is kept up to code.

And then there are cases like this. A young man in Nebraska City, NE was ruled to have not been driving recklessly even though he was in a high speed chase with police at over 128 mph. Basically, County Judge John Steinheider ruled that because the driver didn't kill anyone or put anyone else other than himself in immediate danger, his actions couldn't be considered reckless. Um, what now? He didn't put anyone else in danger? What about the cop car chasing him? Typically, cop cars are driven by real, live people. Last I checked, having to chase some jackass at 128 mph increases your chances of dying in a giant fireball of a crash.

That being said, there would have been scenarios where even this judge would have been compelled to enforce the law. As he put it, "If you had had a passenger, there would be no question of conviction. If there had been other cars on the roadway, if you would've went into the wrong lane or anything, I would have convicted you."

Speaking of police, although we may not always like them, do serve a purpose in society. One of those purposes is to arrest people that drive over the speed limit or in this case, over two times the speed limit. The laws are in place to deter people from taking part in such illegal activities. If the enforcement of these laws is undermined, even a little bit, what is the point of having them at all? You should just assume that if you drive over two times the speed limit, you will get jailed or fined. But apparently if you get the right judge in Nebraska, you can push your F-16 right to the edge of the envelope as long as you are only fleeing the police.

Other quick things:

The Appleton Smoke fantasy team won this weekend's game by one point and will start the playoffs as the two seed in the eight team tournament. Now I need the Seahawks to keep trying to win games so that they aren't sitting Shaun Alexander after 5 carries, in effect crippling my team. Hey, it's real to me.

Richard Pryor passed away this weekend after years of struggling with MS. I won't sit here today and say that I was Richard Pryor's biggest fan, but you have to respect what the guy did for comedy. Along with other folks like George Carlin, he paved the way for comedy that didn't have limits and where nothing was taboo. He wasn't afraid to say what he wanted, when he wanted and I always respected that about him, even though I may have not always thought he was extremely funny. From him, more than any other comedian, I saw that it was OK sometimes to make fun of yourself, even if the subject matter is pretty messy.

I've never watched SNL and said to myself, "Dang, man. I just cannot wait until that Alec Baldwin hosts the show again."

Congratulations to the Grand Valley State Lakers for winning their third D2 football national championship. I only shudder a little bit saying that sentence because it reminds me of the battle on the internet message boards of days gone by with Laker fans spitting out crap like, "David Kircus will be a good number two receiver in the NFL." He hasn't. Or the claim of, "GVSU should go Division I and play in the Big Ten. They could beat half the teams in the Big Ten right now." No, they shouldn't. And no, they can't. I can only imagine what's getting posted right now. Probably something along the lines of, "Cullen Finnerty invented the eyebrow."

I'm finished,
Nate

Going Bowling, Part Deux.

Here's the second installment of my bowl preview. It's going to get a little more analytical, a little more serious, and a whole lot longer. On unrelated note, my Appleton Smoke got... um... smoked last weekend which knocked me out of contention for the regular season fantasy league championship. But the playoffs are a whole different ballgame and I'm coming for you, Uncle Matt!

Oh, and Reggie Bush wins the Heisman tomorrow night. This is one of those Ricky Williams / Ron Dayne type of years. Nobody even came close to him by the end of the year.

(On another completely unrelated note, I saw the best SNL of the season last Saturday hosted by stand up superstar Dane Cook. You mean to tell me this guy couldn't carry a sitcom or something? "Everybody Loves Raymond" is on for 10 years, but Dane Cook doesn't get a pilot? He started with his standup monologue and stole most of the sketches he was in. I was delighted to watch the first legitimately funny SNL of the season. Now, on with the show!)

MasterCard Alamo Bowl, Dec. 28- San Antonio, TX
Michigan v. Nebraska
Needless to say, this is not where this season was supposed to end up for the maize and blue. I remember watching the Wolverines on Sept. 10 (when they were still in the top 5) as they tried to come back against Notre Dame and thinking, "Uh-oh. This team isn't as good as everyone thought." It also seems that they have a hard time coming back against anyone and always lose that game or two that they probably just shouldn't lose. Granted, three out of the four teams they lost to this year (Wisconsin, Notre Dame, Ohio St.) were pretty darned good and they did beat the team that finished #3 in the BCS, but these were supposed to be wins when the season began (with the possible exception of OSU.)

It is hard to use the words "consistently mediocre" about a team that has won a national championship in the last decade and a Big Ten title as recently as last year, but at some points that is how I feel about this team. Every year as a Wolverine fan, you just wait for the other shoe to drop. If we make it through the Notre Dame game, there is always the Ohio St game, provided we even make it through the Michigan St. game or when we go to Camp Randall to play Bucky. Do you think this is the way USC fans have gone into the last two years? Besides Oklahoma, do you think Texas looks at any game on their schedule and says, "Man, I wish we could just skip them this year!" Miami? How about Georgia? I want to start looking at the Wolverine's schedule and feel like Ohio St. is the only game we need to worry about, and even then, worry only slightly. That is the feeling an elite college football team should have. I just haven't seen that from the Wolverines. I think my buddy Corey, a U of M grad student, put it best by saying, "One of the great subtleties of Michigan athletics seems to be the lack of a killer instinct; that'll keep you going to mediocre bowls for decades at a time but prevent outright dominance."

In this game, on this day, Michigan wins the Alamo Bowl. Nebraska sucks hard. Ironically, eight years ago, this should have been the matchup for the National Championship. Today, in 2005 it'll be an entry in the media guide that makes us look back in a few years and think, "What the hell happened that season?"

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl, Dec. 30- Nashville, TN
Minnesota v. Virginia
There's nothing quite like a matchup of a 6-5 team playing a 7-4 team that finished 7th in their conference. In fact, Virginia was tied for the second to worst conference record (3-5) in the ACC and finished 5th in the ACC Coastal division... out of 6 teams. People complain every year about how there are too many bowl games and usually I disagree. I think there should be a bowl for teams from the smaller conferences to go to if they have a good year. But this game is the best argument for why we don't need a Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl. I like Laurence Maroney and Minnesota in this one... if they absolutely have to play it.

Vitalis Sun Bowl, Dec. 30- El Paso, TX
UCLA v. Northwestern
I love this game. UCLA's resurgence will certainly provide an interesting subplot for them and cross town big brother USC for years to come. Northwestern is going through one of those resurrections they have every decade or so when they are actually competitive. Both teams allow around 450 yards per contest and Northwestern averages about 490 yards/game to UCLA's 429 yards. Final score: UCLA 51, NU 47

Independence Bowl, Dec. 30- Shreveport, LA
South Carolina v. Missouri
I can't tell you how jazzed I am to see Steve Spurrier coaching in a bowl game again. Hell, I was tickled that he's coaching in college, period. In Big Ten country, we get so used to vanilla coaches that only speak in terms of "They're a good team. We need to play better. We've got stuff to work on. They played good today." Having a mouthpiece like Steve Spurrier in college football is crucial in my opinion. Wait until he gets his South Carolina teams really good and starts referring to the Florida Gators as the Iguanas after he hangs 50 points on 'em. Can't wait. Carolina wins going away.

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl, Dec. 30- Atlanta, GA
Miami (FL) v. LSU
You can make an argument that Miami hasn't been the same since they got jobbed in the Fiesta Bowl against Ohio St. a couple of years ago. They should have had their back to back titles. LSU is, in my opinion, still dealing with a lack of respect even though they went to the national title game two years ago... and won the damned thing! Remember, even though Matt Leinart from USC is going for his "third straight national championship" at USC, it was actually the LSU Tigers that won the BCS title in 2004. I think Miami wins this guy.

Meineke Car Care Bowl, Dec. 31- Charlotte, NC
South Florida v. NC State
The Meineke Car Care Bowl is a New Year's Eve bowl? South Florida is playing in a New Year's Eve Bowl? Are they sure the date is right on this one? The same South Florida that had no football program 10 years ago? Isn't that just ducky? I like South Florida in this one. Because I have nothing else to say, five teams from Florida made a bowl game this year (UCF, South Florida, Florida, Florida St., Miami.) That's gotta be like a record or something.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl, Dec 31.- Memphis, TN
Tulsa v. Fresno St.
A few things you may or may not have known about Tulsa, the home of the University of Tulsa Golden Hurricanes. Eighty-four percent of its residents have a high school diploma. It is the birthplace of Garth Brooks. The auto theft rate in Tulsa is 892 per 100,000 people. Finally, there are no bodies of water near Tulsa, making the mascot of Golden Hurricanes seem ridiculous! Fresno St. rolls the Hurricanes.

EV1.net Houston Bowl, Dec 31.- Houston, TX
TCU v. Iowa St.
By the time this game is played, chances are I'll already getting my New Year's party on. TCU wins a close one.

AT&T Cotton Bowl, Jan 2.- Dallas, TX
Alabama v. Texas Tech
Because of the NFL games, there are no bowls on New Year's Day this year and I can't be the only one that feels weird about that. I've liked Texas Tech all season and I'm not changing now.

Outback Bowl, Jan 2.- Tampa, FL
Iowa v. Florida
Even though the NFL has moved this game to the second of January, I'd like to share some random quotes from Capital One Bowls past (remember, the game starts at 11AM): "When did you finally pass out last night?" "Remember that fight we saw last night?" "Oh my god, does anyone have some aspirin?" "Did Michigan just get scored on again?" "I'm never drinking again..." This year I'm going with Florida over the Hawkeyes.

Toyota Gator Bowl, Jan. 2- Jacksonville, FL
Louisville v. Virginia Tech
Matchup of two teams that had big things expected of them at the beginning of the year. Both spent time very highly ranked and there was even talk of whether or not the Hokies should go to the championship game as recently as early November. I'll go with Underachiever Tech over Underacheiverville.

I'm going to save my take on Wisconsin as well as the BCS games for another couple of days. Until then, this is Nathan Holtslander with Beano Cook saying, "Ron Powlus will win four Heisman trophies!"

I'm finished,
Nate

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.

With 24 bowl games scheduled from Dec. 20 through Jan. 4, I thought I'd jot down my picks and have a little fun with the bowl games. Even if you don't like football, you should read the post. Just trust me on this. Oh, and Greg, if you are reading this, send me a pick sheet if you are running the pool this year. I need redemption from last year's picks, dogg! My remote is ready, my beer is in the fridge, my girlfriend is trying to think of ways to move all of her things out in between games without me noticing, and without further ado, I give you.... PICKS!

New Orleans Bowl, Dec. 20- Lafayette, LA
Arkansas St v. Southern Miss
In light of what happened in New Orleans this year, couldn't they have just cancelled this bowl? This may be the first bowl in history that loses so much money that they have to call it at halftime because they can't afford to keep the lights on. Um, Southern Miss...I guess.

GMAC Bowl, Dec. 21- Mobile, AL
UTEP v. Toledo
Toledo lost to the Central Michigan Chippewas this year. That has got to be the first bowl eligible team of the 21st century to do that. No way am I taking them. On second thought, though... No! I won't do it! UTEP, Go Miners.

Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl, Dec. 22- Las Vegas, NV
California v. BYU
Imagine you are from BYU, the most prudish and social restrictive campus in the country that doesn't have "academy" in the title. Then imagine trying to keep focused in Sin City for four days. Advantage: Cal.

SD Cnty Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, Dec. 22- San Diego, CA
Colorado St. v. Navy
Are you kidding me? Credit unions are sponsoring bowls now? What next, the Leo's Grocery Hospitality Bowl? I love seeing Navy in a bowl game for one reason. I get to bet against them if I want. Go Rams.

Fort Worth Bowl, Dec. 23- Cincinnati, OH
Kansas v. Houston
Can you at least name the bowl something, not just the city it's in? This angers me. It's the same as just naming a stadium after your team... it's stupid... like... Yankee Stadium. (And you thought I wouldn't get another Yankee barb in until spring.) I'll take Houston.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl, Dec. 24- Honolulu, HI
Nevada v. Central Florida
UCF completed one of the greatest turnarounds I can ever remember in college football history this year, going from no wins last year to 8-4 this year. Gotta go with the heart on this one. UCF wins a bowl game in their first ever appearance.

Motor City Bowl, Dec. 26- Detroit, MI
Memphis v. Akron
Oh my goodness, another blockbuster Motor City Bowl Matchup. Akron also lost to Central Michigan this year, so Memphis it is.

Champs Sports Bowl, Dec. 27- Orlando, FL
Clemson v. Colorado
I like Clemson in this one. The only real question I have is whether or not the vendors at the game will be trying to sell waterproofing spray with everything, to insure that you can get the WHOLE Champs Sports experience. "Nachos? Sure, let me grab those for you. You know, you're going to need to water proof these puppies once a month for a year to keep them from getting stains."

Insight Bowl, Dec. 27- Phoenix, AZ
Arizona St. v. Rutgers
I'll always go with the team that is playing in their backyard over a team that has to fly across country from New Jersey. Plus, ASU beat Southern Cal this year until halftime, when the Trojans unveiled their "Awww. That Was So Cute." offense. Advantage: ASU.

MPC Computers Bowl, Dec. 28- Boise, ID
Boise St. v. Boston College
Boise St. is playing in the Boise bowl game for the tenth or eleventh consecutive year. How much does it suck to go to a bowl game in your own town? Now take that feeling and multiply it to the "your town is Boise" degree. I like BC in this one.

Emerald Bowl, Dec. 29- San Fransisco, CA
Georgia Tech v. Utah
I can honestly say that I have no interest in this game. I can't even feign interest. Maybe it will get cancelled.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl, Dec. 29- San Diego, CA
Oregon v. Oklahoma
If you would have told me last year at this time that Oklahoma would have four losses this year and have to play in the Holiday Bowl, I would have said, "God, that'd be fantastic." I hate Oklahoma in this one. Hopefully it leads to many seasons of this and maybe next year they can be worse and get that spot in the Alamo Bowl.

Speaking of the Alamo Bowl, I think this is a good place to stop for now. I'm roughly half way through the games and I want to start the next post with the Michigan-Nebraska matchup in the Alamo Bowl. So, until then, this is Nathan Holtslander with Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit, saying goodnight from Appleton!

I'm finished,
Nate

If Johnny Wants An X-Box, Then, Damn It...

I watched a little football this weekend (like I always do) and I saw a team that only gained 188 total yards on offense, never scored a touchdown, and had a quarterback that was 6 for 17 for 68 yards. That team beat the Packers on Sunday. Admittedly, the Bears were helped by Brett Favre's four turnovers. I am not a Packer fan, but I'm just saying that it might just be time to give Aaron Rodgers some looks. The only bright side for the green and gold is that every mistake Favre makes brings them one step closer to getting Reggie Bush in the draft. Oh, and if you're Viking fan right now, what do you do with Daunte Culpepper next season? You're team is undefeated since Daunte shred his knee up, tearing his ACL, MCL, PCL, ACLU, UPS and BFF in the process. Just something to think about.

A few other notes from the weekend:

The Wisconsin Badger hockey team is good. We watched some of the demoralization of a good University of Minnesota team on Saturday down at The Fish House, and it was like two different levels of talent. The Wolverines are going to have their hands full if they end up in a regional pairing together. Northern does get a shot at the Badgers this year in a holiday tournament, a matchup that harkens back to the days of conference matchups when NMU was still in the WCHA. Northern is going to have to put together a really good night to compete with these Badgers.

My front passenger side tire on the Gutlass blew out on Friday night. There are few things as uncomfortable as changing a tire while wearing breathable cotton dress pants in 10 degree weather. Brr.

I'd like to throw out a big "you're welcome" to Carrie. Even though I'm not entirely sure what word verification is, I'm very proud to not have it, as Carrie has informed me that it is desirable to not have word verification. Hopefully others can learn from my example and we can some day completely eradicate word verification worldwide. Through education and possibly a concert by Bono we can make this dream a reality.

So, I skipped Desperate Housewives last week to go to the movies. My, what a difference a week makes. The serial killing pharmacist is dead, Carlos is out of jail, Zach came back to his father who isn't really his father because Mike Delfino is actually his father, etc... Next thing you know, Felicity Huffman will be getting more attention than Eva Longoria! Nah, I think that's probably a little too much to ask for. The woman won an Emmy, people! In a related note, Grey's Anatomy, the show immediately after Housewives, is really good.

Is there anyone besides me who remembers how to drive in the winter from season to season? Slow it down and allow more time for braking. Rinse. Repeat. It's like we get the first snowfall and people freak out. "What is this stuff?!?! Why is my car not stopping?!?! Maybe I should speed up to get better traction!!!! Aaahhhhhhhh!!!!" It think everyone else on the road reached into one giant Cracker Jack box for a license.

Finally, good show by Microsoft to get those X-Box 360 consoles out in time for Christmas. I hope that the middle class suburban kids who's parents paid $1200 to get one of those suckers on eBay enjoy the design flaw that causes the machine to overheat and freeze up. Merry Christmas to all!

I'm finished,
Nate

Let's Go Out To The Movies.

For the first time in what seems like forever, my best girl and I went out to the movies on Sunday night. Sundays are a very underrated day to go to the cineplex. Think about it, there's barely ever a line and the theater is less crowded. Anyways, we took in the romantic comedy "Just Friends" which stars Ryan Reynolds, Amy Smart and the incomparable Anna Farris (of Scary Movie fame.) I laughed so hard in some spots that it actually hurt. It was one of those movies that you watch thinking to yourself, "This plot is pretty preposterous, it jumps around and will no doubt come to an oddly placed and abrupt conclusion, but darn it all, I'm having fun." I honestly remembered thinking to myself that Roger Ebert would definitely not be giving a thumbs up to "Just Friends." I was kinda right.

Not only did Roger Ebert not like it, he actually got angry on his weekly show "Ebert & Roeper" that the studios would dare putting this vile piece of garbage out during the oh so critical Oscar season. That is why I believe there needs to be film critics in this country that will watch a movie with Joe Average American in mind. Tell me if it was funny. Tell me if it was boring. Tell me something besides whether or not you think the director made this one as good as his others. Tell me something relevant.

For example, one thing critics absolutely seem to hate is slapstick humor. They see it as a shortcut to laughs or a filmmaking cheat code of sorts. For me, if it is done correctly, both slapstick comedy and gross out humor can be used effectively to make a funny. The one thing I want to do when I watch a comedy movie is laugh. Whether it is smart and wordy comedy like that of the Kevin Smith classics or the pranks of the American Pie movies, I simply want to laugh. Ebert disregarded "Just Friends" so much that in his review of the movie for the Sun Times he wrote about everything else except the film because it "will be a hard subject to stay on." Real cute, Ebert. Way to earn your paycheck, buddy.

To summarize my feeling, "Just Friends" is a great date movie that will make you laugh in some spots and chuckle in others. Ryan Reynolds plays a dorky overweight high schooler who goes on to be a fit as a fiddle record industry bigshot. Through a freak coincidence, he is stranded in his hometown around Christmas time and tries to woo his high school best friend (Smart) all the while putting up with a crazy pop sensation (Farris) whom he is wooing for the record company. You should see this movie if you don't mind suspending reality (it is a romantic comedy after all) and are willing to laugh at some goofiness. Plus, my man-crush Ryan Reynolds stars in it. Nuff said.

Now read Ebert's review and tell me who's better.

A few more quick things:

Someone please nominate me a new song to have stuck in my head. "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin DeGraw is entrenched for the third straight week.

The Appleton Smoke kept rolling last week with a 58-47 victory over Joe Smokevitch, putting my fantasy team at 8-4 for the season. A win this weekend would assure me of a second place finish in the regular season and the $100 prize that goes with it.

The Wildcat hockey team has rebounded from the four straight losses to UM and MSU to get back to mediocrity, splitting two straight series.

We lost a great actor last week with the passing of Pat Morita. His portrayal of Mr. Miyagi and 'Arnold' Takahashi on "Happy Days" were both institutions. Show of hands if you've ever used the "Wax on. Wax off. Wax on. Wax off." joke. Somewhere in heaven right now Mr. Miyagi is having tea with Ralph Macchio's acting career.

This last week also saw the passing of Brett Favre's free ride in Green Bay. People are actually getting on the radio and questioning whether or not St. Favre of Lambeau may be actually hurting his team sometimes. And to think, Grant and I have only been saying that for three years or so.

Finally, now that Steve Mariucci is looking for a job, I'd like to be the first to invite the Northern Michigan University alum to come back and turn around the Wildcats. Rest assured, Mooch, the university would never ever be stupid enough to bring in Matt Millen as an AD so you'd be all set. I think a more likely scenario is that he's coaching the Packers next year, but a boy can dream can't he?

I'm finished,
Nate

The Real Season

So, I've neglected talking about this since the beginning of the season, but it is now time. For the first year since the late 90's, I am enjoying fantasy football. The Appleton Smoke is currently 6-3 and will improve to 7-3, unless Ryan Longwell of the Packers scores 16 points tonight against the Vikings. There is even an outside possibility that I could move back into a first place tie with my Uncle Matt if he loses his game. Not bad for a couple of guys that were matching each other beer for beer during the draft up at his house. Because I have beaten Matt already this year and I lead the league with 607 points that would give me the tiebreakers. There are currently an astonishing 5 out of 10 teams in my league that are 5-5, so this is no time for my team to get lazy. Just a few more points for me to commit to record for future reference:

• You want to have Marc Bulger on your fantasy team. You just know he's throwing for two touches every game. Of course, now he might be hurt again. Boo, to that.


• The Patriots I had on my team have been pretty mediocre. Corey Dillon is barely playing and Deion Branch catches a touchdown like every three weeks.


• My worst draft pick this year: Drew Bennett, WR, TEN - 32 receptions, 400 some yards and one touchdown. The runner up: Cedric Benson, RB, CHI - Didn't do much with the approximately 10 times he touched the rock this year.


• I had the unexpected good draft strategy to take Marc Bulger and Jake Plummer with back to back picks even though they had the same bye week. Luckily for me, Daunte Culpepper shredded his knee the week before Marc and Jake's bye and I was able to pick up and start Brad Johnson.


• Drafting a team full of Packers or Lions has never ever worked in a fantasy league. That being said, there is always one guy in our league that tries it every year. Thanks for the entry fee, Uncle Keary.

I'm finished,
Nate

Saying Goodbye To A Friend.

It is getting cold out there! At post time it is about 17 degrees in Appleton and with the wind it feels like 6 degrees. I guess this is better than last year, when it was still raining in December.

I've got a mild cold. It seems to be going away, but it could just be all the decongestants that I'm hopped up on. I spent a majority of last night on the couch doing absolutely nothing but changing the channel every now and then. Oh, and then we watched "Bewitched," the movie with Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell. Needless to say, that steaming pile did nothing for my well being. Just a terrible movie. It makes me that much happier that I rented "Shawshank" earlier in the week, as they kind of balanced each other out.

Also in my channel surfing last night, I came across a TV event that marked the end of an era. For the final time, Ashton Kutcher played the role of Michael Kelso on "That 70's Show." We are left with only memories of the harebrained shenanigans of the lanky, van-driving playboy of Point Place, WI. Who could forget the way that he teamed up with Fez and Hyde for episode after episode of hilarious tomfoolery. The on-again-off-again romance that he shared with Jackie over the years could be seen in any number of real life relationships that any of us see on a daily basis. Michael Kelso was truly an everyman (provided that everyman likes to plan elaborate and usually unsuccessful pranks on his friends for the simple satisfaction of being able to belt out that trademark exclamation of "Burn!") We watched for years as Kelso morphed from a fancy free teenager into a man who found his calling by attending the police academy (and subsequently burning it to the ground.) Finally, having accomplished everything else a young man can, he became a father in the most recent episodes. Kelso even found the fortitude in his last episode to share the screen with Bruce Willis, from whom he had taken a wife and kids in real life. Today, I salute you, Michael Kelso. You're life in fictional 1970's Wisconsin will not be forgotten, but live on in the hearts of us all. Burn! Burn, indeed!

I'm finished,
Nate

Hockey Weekend and My "Near Miss."

Not a whole lot of good news from the weekend. Made the pilgrimage to Northern this weekend for Saturday's hockey game. Northern lost a tough one, 4-3 in overtime against Corey's boys, the maize and blue of the University of Michigan. After starting well this season, this was Northern's fourth straight loss, a stretch where they've been outscored 17-8, and dropped the 'Cats to .500 (5-5, 2-4 CCHA.) The outlook doesn't get any brighter as NMU only plays two more games at home before the end of the year.

The socializing aspect of the trip was much better. We had a tailgate gathering before the game with Mojo and Co. who now claim to be retired Puckheads. I was joined in my journey by Kurt and we made our way out after the game, first making the obligatory stop at Overtime for a couple of Labatt's. We proceeded to stop in to see our friends Poe and Lisa, and subsequently take Poe out (at the request of Lisa.) The rest of the night was spent between Up Front and Co. and The Doghouse, doing some relaxing socializing at both.

Finally, we took in the local phenomenon of the "closing time near-riot outside The Matrixx." This is something that Marquette Police should probably consider doing something about before a fight spills out onto Washington St. and gets somebody run over. The mixture of people waiting to be picked up, people buying hot dogs, people walking home, people looking to fight and people willing to fight them is always a excting situation to be in. After we had our fill of the commotion (and our fill of hot dogs), our crew regrouped at Poe's house along with Gabe and his roommate Emily for some late night discussions of life and a few more adult beverages.

Earlier today, I was nearly in an accident with a woman driving what looked to be a Mercedes-Benz G500 SUV. Now, when I say nearly, I mean I started to pull out in a parking lot, saw her coming and stopped pulling out so that she could still drive by without swerving or even slowing down for that matter. The response of the driver was to honk her horn and glare at me as if I had just squatted a duece in the middle of a busy restaurant. Now, I'm not one to rag on the rich simply for being rich (I am a Republican after all), but this look could only be explained as a "how dare you come within fifteen feet of hitting my $90,000 vehicle with your decrepit car that probably doesn't even have a heated steering wheel" look. I learned a few things from this experience:

1. The Mercedes-Benz website is slow (you don't think I knew it was a G500 off the top of my head, do you?)


2. That woman in the SUV is a giant tool.


3. The G500 is the ugliest SUV I've ever seen.

Finally, we found out today that Alex Rodriguez, the famous baseball mercenary who now rents his services to the New York Yankees, was named American League MVP. It's the second time he's won the award in the last three seasons and he edged out Boston super slugger David "Papi" Ortiz. Congrats to Mr. Rodriguez as he makes some room on the mantle at home to display that trophy while Papi only has his WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS ring to provide him solace. Screw you, A-Rod.

Good luck to the Ashwaubenon Jaguars as they take on the Waunakee Warriors this weekend for the WIAA Division 2 football championship.

RANDOM MOVIE QUOTE!

Anthony: "Look around! You couldn't find a whiter, safer or better lit part of this city. But this white woman sees two black guys, who look like UCLA students, strolling down the sidewalk and her reaction is blind fear. I mean, look at us! Are we dressed like gangbangers? Do we look threatening? No. Fact, if anybody should be scared, it's us: the only two black faces surrounded by a sea of over-caffeinated white people, patrolled by the triggerhappy LAPD. So, why aren't we scared?"

Peter: "Because we have guns?"

Anthony: "You could be right."

-Crash (2004)

I'm finished,
Nate

Don't Treat Me Like An Idiot

Couple things to start out with. First, "Scrubs: Season 2" comes out on DVD next week. You should watch this show if you don't already. This is the last time I am going to say this...again. Just rent it on Netflix or if you are at Blockbuster one night and it's down to "Scrubs" or "Remington Steele: Season Two," just make the right call. Secondly, I wrote this in August:

The Northern game is sure to be a blowout and this season should lead to the firing of coach Doug Sams (which should have happened last year)...

I was right, after going 13-29 in 4 seasons, he got fired. Finally, the guy who killed six hunters, wounded two others, using fourteen bullets and claiming self-defense was sentenced to six consecutive life terms this week. No parole. Good call on that, I think. Just like that however, there is another bizarre killing in Wisconsin. Steven Avery was released from prison in September of 2003 after serving 18 years for a rape which he did not commit. Today, police found burned human remains at his family's auto salvage yard. The remains presumably belong to a local woman who has been missing since last week. Authorities say that they found the keys to the woman's SUV (which was found at the salvage yard) in Avery's trailer. It's like a mediocre storyline from "Law & Order" got spit up in here. Pretty sad.

Now, without further ado, celebrity bashing!

It's time for the Hollywood types to 'fess up. Well, not really 'fess up as much as quit treating us like idiots. In a recent interview with Larry King, ex-"Friends" star (turned most famous divorcee in the world) Jennifer Aniston refused to discuss anything about her alleged relationship with Vince Vaughn. That relationship is "alleged" like the Packers "allegedly" suck this year. Can these people give us some credit? Say what you want about tabloid magazines and TV shows, but the two things they excel at are a) being relentless and b) usually being right. I've seen pictures of her and Vince Vaughn on the beach kissing each other, I've seen them out shopping arm in arm looking like a couple, I've seen their sex tape.

OK, so there is no sex tape, but the others are things that I've seen with my own eyes in the supermarket checkout. Is Jennifer Aniston calling me a liar? Is she insulting my intelligence? I don't see what the big production is. Why is everything about celebrity couples' lives supposed to be a big hush-hush secret? Certainly she can't be concerned about being seen as a floozy who must have cared so little about her marriage to Brad Pitt (heretofore know as "B. Pitty") that she was gleefully attracted to the arms of a new man. If we remember correctly (and I know this is going back a while), she was on the wronged end of one of the biggest celeb breakups of our time. B. Pitty was already raising all of Angelina Jolie's Asian children by the time the divorce was final. You get a pass on this one, Ms. Aniston.

Now, I am certainly not asking that Jennifer Aniston talk about everything her and Vince Vaughn do. I personally don't care about what restaurant they ate at last night, how they feel about global warming and whether or not they have Mr. and Mrs. Smith on pre-order at Amazon. All I ask is that she not treat me and the public like idiots and refuse to even qualify the so called rumors. This is how an interview would make me happy:

Interviewer: "So, inquiring minds want to know, are you a couple."
Aniston: "I guess you could say that."
I: "Are there any long term plans?"
A: "I don't feel comfortable discussing that."

Done. That is all I'm asking for. The thing that bothers me the most is that I don't actually care about the relationship. Just as I didn't care about the Jen and Brad thing. A lot like I don't care about Bradgelina. Most importantly though, a lot like I don't care about the men that Paris Hilton sexes, with the exception that I hope they someday have a reunion that fills the Rose Bowl to near capacity. I simply don't want to be treated like an idiot.

I shouldn't just rag on Jennifer Aniston. How many times have you heard somebody answer a question (which we already know the answer to) with a firm "No comment." I wish more people would put this into practice in their everyday lives. Imangine the versatility of the up-front, straight denial!

Wife: "My private investigator gave me these pictures of you having sex with your secretary! How could you do this?"
Husband: "Oh, my! I'm not going to comment on that. You know better than to ask me that."
Wife: "Why would you sleep with her?! After 10 years of marriage?!"
Husband: "Again, I'm not going to comment. Next question."
Wife: "Do you not even care about me?"
Husband: "You are just relentless, aren't you. I've said all I'm going to say."
Wife: (sobbing, lamenting the fact that her husband is a tool.)

The possibilities are endless.

I know there is always the argument out there that normal people wouldn't like to have their personal lives relentlessly scrutinized on every level. That's true. However, if someone had picture of me and Vince Vaughn kissing and asked me about it you know exactly how I would respond:

"And then Vince never called me again, the jerk. Oh, and he chews Doublemint."

That last sentence sounded a lot funnier in my head.

I'm finished,
Nate

Pining for the Flux Capacitor and Mr. Fusion.

As some of you know, I like to drive around town. I will sometimes even take drives out into the country for no apparent reason other than that gas prices are so cheap now. I like to drive to the store. I like to drive to Green Bay every once in a while. (That trip is like a time warp. Seriously, it's a 30 mile trip that seems like it only takes 10 minutes.) I even like driving during rush hour when people lose the concepts of safety and rules of the road.

So, being the driving enthusiast that I am, my question is this: Why is there still construction projects starting this time of year? Why did I pass through four construction zones today alone? It's almost November, people! Aren't you supposed to be sending these workers off to start getting unemployment checks by now? OK, that was a lot of questions...wait...I thought of one more! Why is it necessary to start projects all over the city? Is one project at a time too ludicrous of a request?

I know it's all supposed to be part of the betterment of the city, but sometimes when these projects are done they are worse than when they began. Next time you're in Appleton drive down College Ave. When you get to a stretch where you say to yourself, "This road sucks." that's the part that they spent all summer tearing up! My theory is that they tore the road up and when the guy that was supposed to bring the new asphalt bailed on them, they just said, "Screw it, get the stuff we just tore up and slop it back down there."

On Ballard Rd, they are tearing up an overpass. Something about driving under an overpass that they are tearing big chunks out of is a little unnerving to me. As it should be to everyone else.

Nothing compared to the infuriating Northland Ave - Lynndale Ave construction of the spring. The skinny of that debacle was that there was a busy intersection of two roads that were both four lanes. So they closed off a couple of lanes at a time and worked on the thing approximately three days a week. Every morning going to work from over there was an adventure all its own.

There are plenty more examples, which I will of course spare you all of because of the beating and the dead horse thing. Of course, I am not just a whiner. I have developed a plan for a solution to this problem that I think is economically and socially feasible. It's so simple that I can't imagine why no one hasn't already thought of it. Of course I am talking about: The Flying Car.

"Roads? Marty, where we're going, we won't need roads."

I'm finished,
Nate

CSI, the New Curse and a Personal Note to Jimmy.

OK, so it has been far too long since my last update. I am a horrible person and no longer worthy of your attention and/or time. Now that I got that stuff out of the way…

I think it’s high time that we deserve an answer as to why in the hell there can’t be a better way to plant a microphone on somebody than by taping the thing to a persons chest. It’s 2005, we can make cell phones that have iPods and car headlights that steer with the car, but your telling me that law enforcement can’t put a microphone on a Swiss watch or a ballpoint pen or something? How many more undercover operatives have to be involved in a hostage situation on TV police dramas before somebody does something about this? Seriously.

I would like everyone to take a moment to think about this as long as we are talking about police dramas: In twenty years, when an episode of CSI comes on Nick at Nite, how hard is it going to be to explain to our kids that this show was the most watched program in America for three years straight? I can see it now: “But dad, this show is so corny… You’re pulling my leg.” Then after I pull my 2030 World Almanac and show them in black and white, me and my entire generation will lose the respect of the young. On second thought, that kid should be in bed anyways, it’s a school night.

As you all know (who am I kidding?) As half of you may or may not have heard, the Red Sox were very unceremoniously eliminated from the playoffs last week. If this starts another decades long losing streak, I vote right now that we call it the curse of the Fever Pitch. If I had the power to curse people and I saw Fever Pitch, I’d curse the bastards for sure. If I had paid theater money to see it, I probably would have started a plague. It was that bad.

Note to Jimmy Fallon: GO BACK TO SNL! Quickly. You can't pick a good movie role to save your freaking life. Either go back to SNL (which needs you like crops need rain) or call Will Farrell and find out how he picks his movies and go with that formula. Better yet write a movie about Sully and Zazu and bring back the famous "Nomaaaaaaaah!" exclamations. Seriously, it's like you read the "Chris Kataan's Guide to Having a Bad Post-SNL Career." SNL will take you back. They took Ashley F. Simpson back for pete's sake! I want to like you, man. Help me to help you!

More to come folks, but that’s all for now.

RANDOM MOVIE QUOTE!

Ghostly Image: “It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. As a token of our appreciation, we hope you will enjoy the two thermonuclear missiles we've just sent to converge with your craft. To ensure ongoing quality of service, your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you.”
-"The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" (2005)

I'm finished,
Nate

Emmy winners...

This Sunday several more actors and actresses will get to add "Emmy Award Winner..." before their name. Such as "Emmy Award Winner Jennifer Love Hewitt." It'll happen someday Jennifer. So here are my picks:

Drama Series - Lost
Comedy Series - Desperate Housewives
Lead Actor, Comedy - Ray Romano, Everybody Loves Raymond
Lead Actor, Drama - Keifer Sutherland, 24
Lead Actress, Drama - Frances Conroy, Six Feet Under
Lead Actress, Comedy - Teri Hatcher, Desperate Housewives
Supp Actor, Drama - William Shatner, Boston Legal
Supp Actor, Comedy - Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Supp Actress, Drama - Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy
Supp Actress, Comedy - Megan Mullally, Will & Grace

Reality Program - There are no winners in this category.

I'm finished,
Nate

The First Weekend of Pigskin!

What a grrrreeat weekend, sports fans! College football is in full swing and I was loving it. Gotta get to some things, so without further ado:

Wisconsin v. Bowling Green - I went to my first college game involving a Big Ten team (I go to my second in a few weeks with Grant.) My uncle had an extra ticket for the game, so I rode down with him and my cousins Dillon and Duncan. I was a Wisconsin fan for the day, but I've got a feeling that my more beloved Wolverines of Michigan will destroy Bucky this year. The defense for Wisky played very poorly in my humble opinion, but they did win the shootout 56-42 in a game that saw over 1000 total yards. Grant's boy, Brian Calhoun rushed for over 250 yards and 5 touchdowns. Grant once used Calhoun (who at that time played for Colorado) to win multiple Heisman's on the 2004 version of the NCAA video game. He transferred to UW last year and the nostalgia almost brought a tear to my eye.

Camp Randall Stadium was an average stadium that has horribly designed concourses. At halftime, I went to get a meal (my first of the day) at the concessions. By the time I needed to visit the restroom and get back to my seat, the area around the concessions had turned into an unpenetrable mob that took me until a few minutes into the third quarter to traverse.

After the game we walked up and down historic State Street in Madison. We stopped at B Dubs to have a drink and then got some chips and salsa (with a couple of cerveza's) at a Mexican restaurant. I voted that we should make the two mile walk back to the the van. About half way there, I stepped on the edge of the sidewalk and rolled my ankle, dropping me face first on the concrete. It's one of those stories that nobody will believe happened sober. "Sure, you were walking back from a Badger game, you rolled your ankle, and you weren't sauced? Riiiiight."

Michigan v Northern Illinois - I saw about five minutes of this game at the bar after the UW game. I did see a guy from a MAC school break off a 76 yard TD run on the Michigan defense. That's a little unnerving. They need to get good for the usual letdown game coming up against Notre Dame.

Florida St. v. Miami - So you're Miami, you're driving late in the game, you throw a pass for a 3 yard loss, a player from Florida St takes his helmet off and starts jawwin' with one of your guys, refs throw flags, and then they pick them up... how are you not furious? How did Miami coach Larry Coker not go out and beat the ref with the first down stick? It's clear from the replay that the Florida St player gets up and rips his helmet off. It was a penalty. Of course, Miami did blow the game on the next play when they fumbled the field goal snap, but they should've had first and goal at the four yard line.

Northern Michigan v. Mercyhurst - Northern got it's first win. They had the GLIAC conference player of the week on offense and defense. Linebacker Chad Kurian was named D2Football.com Defensive Player of the Week. Wait, is this the same Northern Michigan University that I went to?

The CFF10 Fantasy Draft- Let's put it this way, my cousin, who is the commissioner of the league was phoning in his picks from the bar so that the other commissioner could enter them. Yeah, it was that kind of draft.

I'm finished,
Nate

Being Naive

It's not supposed to happen here. You see on the news quite frequently how natural disasters devastate regions of other countries, leaving hundreds or thousands dead. Call it arrogance, but many of us chalk it up to the fact that those countries are unprepared to deal with those disasters. Their infrastructure is not set up to adequately set up to handle such catastrophes, we think. In America in 2005, we have the resources to protect the people of our country from natural disasters or at least minimize the casualties which very rarely reach triple digits. Or, so we thought. I felt a strange feeling last night as I watched the aerial shots of the city of New Orleans. It was a lot like sadness, a little like shock but it was a lot closer still to...Anger. I want to believe that we are all safe simply because we live in this great country and that we are better prepared by leaps and bounds than the rest of the world for anything mother nature can dish out.

Then reality called... It wanted to have a word with me.

We are as susceptible to natural disasters as everyone else. I was angry that there were hordes of people trying to get on busses out of town. I was angry that even the people that deal with emergencies for a living were basically rendered helpless. I was angry that it was happening and little could be done to stop the suffering. What always amazed me about America is in our response. We have the American Red Cross, we have FEMA, we have the National Guard and we should be able to save almost everybody. Right? Now I see images of people stranded on rooftops, wading down city streets in shoulder height water, and (most disgustingly) people looting flooded stores.

Not that efforts have not been made to help people affected by this devastating storm, it's just that we came up against something that was just too big. Estimates are that at least one thousand people are dead, there has been millions, if not billions of dollars in damage and the storm contributed gas prices shooting up to European-ly high levels.

There will be talk in the months ahead about how things could have been handled differently, how we could have been more prepared, how we need to have the government do something so that this doesn't happen again. The bottom line is: Sometimes the awesome power of nature is just to much for even the strongest nations.

Time to wake up, Nate.

America's Pastime

Had some good news over the weekend from our former landlords over at the Lynndale Apartments. Even though they probably technically could have charged us $1300 for the hole that we inadvertently burned in the carpet over there, they let us off the hook with only a $200 repair fee. So we received a check on Friday that neither Ashley or I was expecting for our security deposit. Not bad, eh? Better than getting taken to small claims court.

We went to see the Timber Rattlers on Sunday for an afternoon affair with the potent Lugnuts of Lansing. After the Lugnuts jumped out to a 12-1 advantage by the fourth inning and we watched our pitcher give up back to back homers followed by a double off the centerfield wall, we decided it was time to bounce early. The funny thing is, we somehow wandered around Fox Cities Stadium until the seventh inning stretch. I love the atmosphere of minor league baseball. There's something down home about it that gives you a kind of fluttery feeling in your stomach. The T-Rats even get to host at least a few playoff games this year, a reward for winning the "pennant" for the first half of the Midwest League season.

The one thing that bugs me about watching a game at Fox Cities is that very few people actually realize there is a game going on. I shouldn't climb too high on my pedestal as I don't think I could rattle (he, he) off half a dozen players off the top of my head. Let's see: Yun Chi Chen, Rob Johnson, Sebastian Boucher (but he got called up to AA), What's His Name Clement, and I know there's another Johnson in there somewhere. So that's five...kinda. The fans at these games are definitely not into the action on the field. However, there is enough going on during breaks in the action, my favorite being the "Brat-zooka," a compressed air gun type contraption that shoots Sher-Make bratwursts into the stands. Oh yeah, you read that last sentence correctly.

All of these little side attractions have sponsors, too. Sponsors are huge in minor league baseball (let's face it: when the most expensive individual ticket is $7.50 and you can get a 32oz beer for $5.00, you have to make up the difference somewhere.) They even give a plug to the industrial supply company that provides the compressed air canisters that power the Brat-zooka. I'm surprised the bathrooms at the stadium aren't sponsored by Toilet Duck: "For the cleanest toilet bowls for your buck, trust Toilet Duck."

I'm looking forward to the big football clash between college football adversaries Northern Michigan and Michigan Tech this weekend. You have no idea the level of sheer stokeditude that I am going through for the return of college football. That, combined with the fact that the NFL is on the cusp of starting and that we are going to have an NHL season this year makes me feel that all is right with the world. I can't wait for the storylines of the season: The race for the Heisman, the first big upset, the first Ohio State player to get suspended for being under investigation by the authorities, etc... The Northern game is sure to be a blowout and this season should lead to the firing of coach Doug Sams (which should have happened last year), but at the end of the day it is still football. They don't put betting lines on games in Division II as far as I know, but I'm sure that MTU would be favored in this game by about 40 points.

I'm finished,
Nate

NJH25

I joined a couple of clubs over the weekend. On Friday, Aug. 12 I turned the ripe old age of twenty five, which is required to join the Quarter Century Club as well as the lesser known Creepy Old Guy Club. Creepy Old Guy is a term that I started using back in my Marquette days, referring to the older guy at the bar or the party that is still trying to be cool, and not neccessarily suceeding. I have to realize that I am now halfway to fifty and am "not cool" anymore. I guess I can deal with that.

I took some time to review my life this weekend and the things that I have got a chance to do and made a list of those things that stood out (good and bad.)

• Learned to walk.
• Learned to read.
• Saw Mt. Rushmore and Old Faithful in the same week.
• Won a spelling bee.
• Broke a bone (ankle.)
• Played a varsity sport (football.)
• "Starred" in a half hour television program (yes it was Public TV, it was a high school quiz show and I was on 3 or 4 episodes, but still.)
• Designed my own web site.
• Dropped out of college.
• Graduated from college.
• Worked as a janitor...twice.
• Worked for a Fortune 500 company.
• Saw a game at Lambeau Field.
• Visited a foriegn country besides Canada.
• Studied two foreign languages (mastered neither.)
• Went to a frat party.
• Saw the Avalanche and Patriots win championships within one year of each other.
• Had some girlfriends.
• Broke up with some girlfriends.
• Saw the World Series Champion Boston Red Sox.
• Changed the oil in a vehicle.
• Drove a tractor.
• Swam in the moonlight.
• Swam in the moonlight without clothes on.
• Swam in the Pacific Ocean.
• Swam in the Gulf of Mexico.
• Saw the light.
• Was baptised.
• Used a chainsaw...once.
• Saw every Star Wars movie in the theater (obviously not when they first came out.)
• Cried a little.
• Lied just a little.
• Stopped and smelled the roses.

Not bad for a quarter century's work.

I'm finished,
Nate

Anchorman 1938 - 2005

Today, I feel as though we need to remember a great man who we invited into our living rooms on a regular basis for as long as I can remember. Peter Jennings died last night at the age of 67. If you don't know who Peter Jennings is, chances are you've never seen a TV or your one of those people that frequently says "I don't really pay attention to current events" (usually something said to defend one's blatant ignorance of a situation.)

Peter Jennings made up one part of the most prolific group of evening news anchormen to ever simultaneously grace the airways along with Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather. In the years before the 24 hour CNN's of CNBC's of the world and the massive news information available on the internet, the evening news anchorman was the go-to guy for world news. I remember watching some of the biggest news stories of the 80s and 90s, some of which I couldn't even understand at the time, unfold from the golden voice of one of the big three anchors. I probably put Mr. Jennings a little below Tom Brokaw, but superior to Dan Rather in the scheme of things. Admittedly I no longer get the majority of my news from the big three, but network news was a large part of my developmental years and contributed, almost exclusively, to my awareness of the world around me. I'll miss you, Peter.

I'm finished,
Nate

Philly Fans Will Boo You...They Will.

I start out this post with a quote from Ray Liota's character in "GoodFellas." It's right at the end, when he is testifying against his former Mob bosses after getting busted by the Feds:

"Anything I wanted was a phone call away. Free cars. The keys to a dozen hideout flats all over the city. I bet twenty, thirty grand over a weekend and then I'd either blow the winnings in a week or go to the sharks to pay back the bookies... Didn't matter. It didn't mean anything. When I was broke, I'd go out and rob some more. We ran everything... Everything was for the taking. And now it's all over... That's the hardest part. Today everything is different. There's no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook."

This might be an interesting quote to preface a post about hockey, but bear with me, it's fitting. For the last decade, one of my most favorite vices has been my love for the NHL and the Colorado Avalanche hockey club. We've had a heck of a run since the club moves from Quebec at the beginning of the 1995 season, a season they capped with a colossal battle with the now bitter rivals from Detroit in the playoffs and a Stanley Cup victory. Another title has come to the Mile High City since that time and many more battles with the hated Wings have ensued (see Claude Lemiuex, also see Darren McCarty.) The Wings would start signing stars, and the Avs countered by bringing in "hired guns" every year, guys in the last year of their deal traded for about mid season, basically auditioning for a long term contract. The list includes some pretty prominent folks: Ray Bourqe, Rob Blake, Darius Kasparitus, etc... We engaged in what amounted to an arms race against the Red Wings for many years.

Then, in 2001 the rumblings began. People began talking about crazy things like a salary cap. The owners attempted to throw the blame on skyrocketing salaries of the players. Basically, the owners had to impose a limit on their line of credit because they had started overspending like a high school sophomore at the Mall of America with mom's MasterCard. No worries though, they had three years to figure it out. Three friggin years later, there was no resolution, and four friggin years later, there was a new NHL with a new salary cap. Basically, NHL franchises had more garage sales than the classified ads, dumping players all over, and Colorado, with its larger than average payroll, had some decisions to make. There was one big decision to make: Do they keep Adam Foote, a premier defenseman, or do you keep Peter Forsberg, who when healthy is in the 99.99 percentile of players in the world? No amount of fuzzy math in the world could let them keep both.

Then, the UNBELIEVABLE happened. As of Thursday, August 4, 2005, Peter Forsberg and Adam Foote are no longer property of the Colorado Avalanche. Foote decided to take the money in C-Bus and Forsberg escaped to Philadelphia. This, along with an aging nucleus (see Joe Sackic), and a changing landscape in the NHL in which teams most teams received a badly needed fresh start, the large payroll teams are in trouble.

As a fan, I no longer have the luxury of the omnipresent thought that we have Peter Forsberg and you don't. I can't relish in the fact that we have Adam Foote to find the opposing team's best player and eat his lunch for him. It's taken away the aura that on any given day, the Avalanche was as good or better than anything the rest of the NHL could throw at them. Of course this doesn't mean I'm jumping ship. I got to see two Stanley Cups won by my boys and got to root for the greatest netminder of all time in Patrick Roy.

I have to try to put a happy face on the recent events. Hopefully it will give a chance for former Spartan John Michael Liles to prosper. Maybe they save that money and make a run at a big free agent next year, or sign some talent yet this year. But, I can't help feeling like Henry Hill at the end of GoodFellas. The Avalanche fan is now just a average nobody who has to live life like a schnook. For now.

I'm finished,
Nate

The Final Three...

Sorry about the delay in getting back to my blog. Apparently we are in the midst of an unexpected busy spell in the Thrivent world. Without further ado, here are the big three city nicknames as voted on by... me.

3a) D.C. (Washington, D.C.) - Forty lashes with a red, white and blue noodle to me for not remembering our nation's capital in the list of top city abbreviations. D.C. conjures up fond memories of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s speech, JFK Jr. saluting his father's coffin, the Redskins, and the time they re-elected a crackhead as mayor. Speaking of the 'Skins, isn't it ironic that the most politically incorrect name in sports is located in the center of said politics in the nation?

2) NY / Big Apple (New York, NY) - You know what, I'm sick of New York getting all this credit for being the huge metropolitan area that it claims to be. When you include the entire state of New Jersey as your metropolitan area, it's not hard to claim you are the biggest. That's all right, I just declared that the greater Appleton are includes Neenah, Menasha, Green Bay, Milwaukee, Chicago, Detroit and Indianapolis. How do you like me now? Welcome to Appleton, population 5,439,882. Just include the five burroughs when you figure out population and for gosh sake, move your NFL teams to the city already.

1) LA (Los Angeles, CA) - There is not one single city on the planet that is more known by its abbreviation than the Los Angeles area. Think about it, it is more often refered to by those two letters than by its actual name...by far. Los Angeles is made up of many smaller cities, but I still can't tell you where the Southern California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Orange County play baseball.

Lemme tell ya somethin, folks. Moving within 500 feet of a busy railroad track takes some getting used to. Not that I don't like being woken up 3-4 times per night and wondering if I am going to in fact get run over by a runaway locomotive, but it is still a little startling. Ashley and I moved to downtown Appleton a couple of weekends ago to a house on Lawrence St., right near the... well, near the train tracks. It is good to be within walking distance of some great restaurants and such. We are however a few miles and several stoplights from all of our old haunts and as we found out last night, quite a ways from the nearest grocery selling establishment. (I still can't believe they call a grocery store chain "Piggly Wiggly." I can't stop thinking that perhaps Piggly Wiggly is the long lost Tele Tubby.)

Well, I've got a short work day tomorrow which will be followed up by a long afternoon of cleaning up the old apartment at Lynndale to be presentable for inspection by the old landlords. I then work my once-quarterly Saturday morning shift and then trudge off to my boss, Chris "C Dub" Werner's place for a get together for our mutual funds team.

I'm finished,
Nate

Tellin Me About A Party Up In MQT...

There are some cities in the US that need not be introduced by their formal names. Abbreviation is of course the way of the yng amrican. We abbreviate everything from MNF to KFC, and of course, HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language.) I thought it would be a keen idea to rank the cities of the US according to their abbreviations and nicknames.

Honorable mention: Brew town (Milwaukee, WI), The AP (Appleton, WI), Rap Town (Rapid River, MI), Sac Town (Sacramento, CA.) Now on to the top 10...

10) C-Bus (Columbus, OH)- I've only ever heard this uttered by my boy, Jim Rome when he talks about the inhabitants of the capital of the great Buckeye state. Concise and to the point.

9) The Lou/STL (St Louis, MO)- Everything about St Louis Seems to be tied to two things: The Arch and the STL logo of the Cardinals. When you hear Nelly rap about "The Lou" or that he's from the "M - I crooked letter - crooked letter - O - U - R - I, no one can do it better, hey!", that's just a touch of rap genius.

8) The D (Detroit, MI) - Where the price of livin's going up... and the chance of living's going down.

7) MQT (Marquette, MI) - "Q107...WMQT." Love that city. Of course it's on the list.

6) Nawlins (New Orleans, LA) - Mardi Gras, Bourbon St., The Superdome, where does all of that go down? In the city whose name has a deservedly southern drawl.

5) ATL/A-Town (Atlanta, GA) - "Peace Up/A-Town Down," says the cell phone commercial. Since the dawn of Ludacris and the advent of Little "YEAAAAAHHH" Jon, Atlanta has put itself on the map as the home of the funkiest cats in hip-hop. Oh, and it also means that the nicknames make it into pop lexicon.

4) KC (Kansas City, MO) - When you hear KC, do you ever think of anything else?

3) Vegas (Las Vegas, NV) - When one part of your name becomes completely unnecessary, you know you are making the list. Can you imagine Vince Vaughn saying "Las Vegas, baby. Las Vegas?" I didn't think so.

The last two everybody should know...but who's number one?

I'm finished,
Nate

Party All The Time

I got to see first hand how the other side of the "college apartment party" lived last night for the first time. Our neighbors, whose balcony is to the upper left of ours, had their typical Tuesday night get together with the typical crew of two or three 19 year old girls (who spend most of the time on the balcony bragging about their various degrees of promiscuity.) Well, last night some folks from the complex across the parking lot decided to join in the festivities. They decided that actually going in to the apartment was not in the plans and that shouting back and forth to people on a third floor balcony was a much more acceptable practice. Besides, that's the only way they could play hacky sack in the parking lot. Meanwhile, our 19 year old ladies have gotten the 3 beers in them that turn them into loud ass giggling machines and let me tell you, on this night, everything is funny. This is all in combination with the occasional bottle rocket that gets shot of to signify the little known Fifth of July. Eventually though, I was able to drift off to Dreamland and start catching some needed Z's. Later in the night I get up for a bathroom break and the kids are still going at it... at 5:30am! I sigh, and then realize that was me three years ago. Ah, the memories (or lack there of.)

So, did I get all angry at the hooligans hacky sackers and party girls for being loud at all hours of the morning? Nah. We're moving to our new apartment in about a week, anyways.

I'm finished,
Nate

One Year Down

Just a note of historical significance, I have been now blogging this thing for over one year. We've had our good times (Red Sox, Patriots, new jobs) and our bad (Cheese Hut screwing up my day, Copp's Foods incidents), but ultimately it has been a good year. Looking forward to another year of commenting on society and sports. Thanks for checking in.

I'm finished,
Nate

RANDOM SONG LYRIC!!

I'm telling you now this girl is so good she deserves an Oscar,
The girl’s in the bed he starts snatching her clothes off,
I'm in the closet like man, what the f_ck is going on?
You’re not going to believe it but things get deeper as the story goes on,
Next thing you know a call comes through on my cell phone,
I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate,
But from the way he acted I could tell it was too late,
He hopped up and said “there’s a mystery going on and I'm going to solve it,”
And I'm like “God please don’t let this man open his closet.”

- Actual lyrics from R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"

Diiing!!!!

First of all, I apologize for the previous post about Mike Jackson. For some reason, I was mistaken for somebody that "talked smack on the 'Legion of Doom' website (?)" and someone much cooler than I (who I'm sure doesn't live in his parent's basement) left all kinds of crazy responses to the post including copious use of profanity. That forced me to delete the message and repost. I don't know. Don't want to know. Don't care. Bunch of weirdos on this Internet.

I've been advised that I need to recap the weekend for the benefit of the folks I spent a majority of the time with. I was invited to a graduation party this weekend for one Ashly "Ash Bash" Shannon in the lovely resort town of Powers, MI. The food was very top shelf and the companionship of friends new (Steve and Nissa) and old (Ash, Jaime and Amy) was unbeatable.

Apparently the organizers of the shindig subscribe to the same belief as I do that a party is not a party until meatballs get involved. These were not just any meatballs however, as I was informed that these were the "Mayor's Meatballs!" True story. Ashly's grandpappy is the mayor of Powers, MI and also makes a mean batch of meatballs. So I loaded up on the Mayor's Meatballs and a stuffing/turkey combination that was equally as good. Topping off the meal for me was some tasty Taco Salad (which may have been made by the Fire Chief of Spalding. I've had unconfirmed reports.)

I guess there's no point in being modest about the subsequent games of bean bags that occupied us for a majority of the afternoon. We dominated at bean bags. For those that aren't familiar, bean bags is a game played with a board about two feet wide and three feet long (on an incline) with a six inch diameter hole near the top of it. You then throw bean bags toward the hole from 30 feet away, followed by Ashly making up a scoring system out of thin air. Along with my tag team partna Steve, Team Nate was undefeated. That win streak included traversing the bracket of what seemed like a double or triple elimination round robin tournament and a 21-0 shellacking of Team Jerry and Larry. Sadly, not even ESPN8 (The Ocho) or Obscure Sports Quarterly came to cover the Shannon Invitational. Each bean bag that made it in the hole was followed by a cry of "Diiiing!" from yours truly (an homage to the Dan Patrick Show on ESPN Radio.)

Finally, the party moved to Escanaba, where we hung out at the Delft or "The Matrixx of Little Bay de Noc area." I had a smattering of mixed drinks, accompanied by enough shots from Steve to get a rhino a DUI...well, if rhino's had cars.

The folks at Escanaba Taxi were nice enough to pick us up at 2:15a outside of the Delft to return us to the Comfort Suites. Due to a provision in the Hudson's restaurant employee discount policy, the room at the Comfort Suites cost us pocket change. Literally. It was less than five bucks a person. A peculiar thing happened between the time we left to go to the bar and the time we got back to the Comfort Suites. Everybody was totally, knee-walking trashed. I've got Ash pukin' in the room, Amy freaking out because we're too loud, Steve being too loud and Jaime rocking back and forth and saying "pizza" over and over again. At one point Ashly made a break for it down the hallway, walking on her knees. Amy and Nate sprung immediately into action, catching the little hellion before she could get to the elevator and go... I'm not sure she actually knew where she was going. Everyone finally got to sleep. Somehow Ashly got into pajamas during the night and puked again during the night. It had been arbitrarily decided that I would be the odd man out when it came to pillows so I spent much of the night with the comfort of windbreaker as a headrest. Everyone parted ways at various times in the morning in various shades of hungover.

My next stop was at Ma and Pa Holtslander's for a little Father's Day burger cookout. My father is going to have a trip to The Olive Garden (or as he thinks of it: "A little slice of Heaven here on Earth") courtesy of the Nate Dogg. The big guy loves the place. I thought the last time my fam was in Green Bay and I suggested that we go to Damon's instead of the Olive Garden that I had created an irreparable rift in my family. We would be known as the "Olive Garden Holtslander Clan" and the "Other Holtslander Clan", forever to fight on the battlefields of the family car, driving around trying to decide where to eat. This conflict was almost settled by the Treaty of Olive Garden on Casaloma Dr., but as of post time is unresolved.

Go Pistons tonight!

I'm finished,
Nate

"Do You Remember The Time?"

Everyone can relax now, the anticipation and anxiousness that was the Michael Jackson trial is finally over. Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that. I think the real tragedy here is not in the fact that Michael Jackson was prosecuted (or persecuted, depending who you ask) for heinous crimes against children, it lies in the fact that everything was so believable. Not one of us actually said to ourselves, "There's no way he did what they are accusing him of." Jacko has gone so nuts in the last 15 years that nothing is beyond the scope of believability. Is that fair? Just because he has a ferris wheel in his front yard, said publicly that it is OK for grown men to sleep with boys and has already settled lawsuits with molestation accusers in the past; is that enough to automatically think he was guilty in this situation. My answer is: It doesn't help.

Do I personally think he was guilty? I believe the story has to be given some credibility (mostly because of his past eccentricities), but the case was handled poorly. The fact is, the prosecution could not produce one shred of physical evidence and had only the accusations of shaky witnesses combined with some hired guns to come in to attempt a failed character assassination. The prosecutor apparently forgot about that pesky burden of proof thing.

In any case, Michael Jackson has experienced one of the most dramatic falls from grace in our lifetime. This guy was the friggin' King of Pop at one time! He sold records like nobody had since Elvis. The album "Thriller" (at one time the best selling album of all time, now second to The Eagles) sold 26 million copies in the US. To put that in perspective, "Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears and "Abbey Road" by the Beatles sold 26 million albums combined. Oh, and it did all right in the rest of the world too, at over 63 million copies sold. His worst selling album ever, 2001's "Invincible," still went double platinum. Looking back on his body of solo work (not including the huge successes with the Jackson 5), he only released five major albums and sold 57 million units in the US alone.

Michael also had an unrivaled marketing touch. He pitched for both Coke and Pepsi and LA Gear named a shoe after him (quite an accomplishment in an era where only tall guys named Jordan had shoes bearing their name.) Even when he inexplicably started turning white and wearing what looked like military commander Halloween costumes, he was still the biggest draw in the free world and otherwise. He was The Beatles of his era.

Since the first whispers of molestation began, Mikey has been on a free fall at what seems like terminal velocity. He's had facelifts apparently done by the George Lucas Creature Shop. He's dangled one of his children from a balcony window. He's admitted that he thinks it is "natural" to sleep in the same bed with young boys. He named a kid "Blanket." Even in his most trying hour, with his freedom for the better part of the next two decades on the line (in the recent criminal trial), he seemed to be blowing off the "real" world. He showed up late to court, showed up once in pajama pants and once did a dance routine on top of a vehicle while leaving the courthouse.

My take is that it is a case of us expecting too much from a fragile human being who happens to be famous. From some accounts, Michael Jackson is a broken man and the butt of countless jokes. He will probably go down in history like Howard Hughes, Mike Tyson, and Ol' Dirty Bastard, remembered more for his eccentricities and scandals than for his professional accomplishments. Somehow, I just managed to make a correlation between one of the biggest pop stars of all time and a rapper that wanted to be known either as Dirt McGirt or Big Baby Jesus. Perhaps such an eventual eulogy an unfair punishment for a man who seems tormented in his own skin or a fitting sentence for someone who thumbed his nose at much of the things we consider normal. Even now the talking heads refer to him as the "self proclaimed King of Pop" as if they never bought in to the hype in the first place. They bought in just like acid wash and New Kids on the Block and every other "embarrassing" thing from the past. Maybe it feels good to disregard him now as "Wacko Jacko." Every once in a while however, it is nice to look back on him as "The King."

I'm finished,
Nate

Stars and Stripes and What Not.

I've got a lot to talk about after the loooooong Memorial Day weekend (off Friday through Tuesday.) Let's get started!

Swallow Inn Fish Fry- Perhaps I am a little biased on this because it is from my favorite, nay, only watering hole in the Rapid River area that I frequent. This stuff is good, yo. The main show is of course the fish, but you are definately cheating yourself if you don't try the taco salad on the salad bar. After a couple of more pops I took my fish to go and went home to eat with the folks.

Swallow Inn Friday Night- Had a good time conversing with the usual crowd: Kurt, Johnny, Holmgren, Cole, etc... Got a shot from Johnny later in the night as payment "for that time I stayed at your place in Marquette." Someone should tell him that was over a year and a half ago, I think he's bought me beers and shots already for it and it wasn't that big of an imposition in the first place. Somebody else tell him, though... free shots is free shots. Got a sober ride home from Ashley, who got into town around midnight. Funniest point of the night: I get a call at about 10:45 from Ashley. She says, "I just saw a sign that said 20 miles to Rapid River." It sounded a little suspect that she'd be almost to Escanaba, but I shrug it off and go back to my beer. So we wait...and wait...and wait. I get a call a little bit later: "I think that sign said 20 miles to Cedar River. I'm just getting to Escanaba now." Ah, the intricasies of navigating the great Upper Peninsula.

Wedding Bells!- My buddy from way back in the day (like "the first person I ever considered a friend" back in the day), Eric Lundin got married on Saturday. They look like a lovely couple. It was good to see Eric and talk to him in friendly tones again. My years of jackassery at Northern alienated many people and I suspect that Eric fell into that group (obviously through no fault of his own.) It felt great to have all the boys back together; Bruno, Bergman, Lundin and myself. Between the three of them, I think I can account for about 90% of my good memories from back home. We also made up 100% of the 1997 High School Bowl team that was one bad judgement call away from making the "Smart 16." We four shall never meet again... well until someone else gets married. My money's on Bruno. Quote of the wedding: Bergman: "You're staying at home? Oh. Cause I've got a room here for the night if you're interested." Me: "Um. You know how that sounded, don't you." Bergman: "That's not what I meant."

Memorial Day- Same ol parade, less people you recognize, and no beer tent. Yeah, could've skipped that.

I'm finished,
Nate

Our Trip To Seattle.

As most of you may know, Ashley and I recently took a vacation to the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Here is a brief synopsis of our trip:

1) Pike Place Market- I almost contemplated calling Grant while we were walking through the place on Monday and putting him on speakerphone to get an "Overrated!" chant going. It is rated as the spot to see in Seattle by all the tourism publications. It would be if you were looking to buy fresh flowers, fruit or fish (not exactly things you're going to bring back in your suitcase.) For those that are unfamiliar, Pike Place is a huge farmer's/flea
market down near the waterfront. It is a neat place, don't get me wrong. It just is not a place I can see myself spending an entire day, as some tourism publications suggest that you do. We did go to the first Starbucks ever, which is located near the Market. So at least we've got that going for us.

2) Red Sox v. Mariners- Bad News: Sox lost. Good news: Papi and Manny went deep for the Sox. (Manny's 400th) Even Better News: Pyramid Brewery right across the street. Seriously, Pyramid Hefeweizen almost turned me off to regular cheap beer forever. Almost.

3) Space Needle- This one needs no introduction. I'm sure the residents of Seattle get sick of seeing the monument to the World's Fair, but I thought it was wicked cool. I actually never realized the thing had outside observation opportunities at the top. The view is actually a little bit better from the observation deck of the Bank of America tower (which was a pleasant surprise) but the Space Needle was still pretty fetch. I also liked the monorail which ran from the Space Needle back to downtown. It saves time (it's about a 2 minute ride station to station) and the frustration of figuring out which bus gets you back to where you need to go.

4) Scenic View/Snoqualmie Falls - The advantage we had over every one else who goes to Seattle on vacation was that we had the guidance of the homeboy Beej and the homegirl Kate. Meaning we got to experience stuff most tourists wouldn't know was there. On top of Queen Anne Hill (one of the ritzier neighborhoods in Seattle) there is a small overlook called Kerry Park which provides the best overview of the city without a helicopter. Also, they brought us out to Snoqualmie Falls, a beautiful waterfall (the second tallest in Washington) for a quick stop. Apparently, Snoqualmie just touches the edge of Rainier National Park. Speaking of Rainier...

5) Mt. Rainier - Never saw the thing. We were there for five days and the clouds never parted enough for us to see it. Bummer.

6) IMAX theater- Saw Lewis & Clark - Great Journey West at the IMAX theater near the Space Needle. Simply an awesome experience. Educational, but awesome.

7) Experience Music Project (EMP)/Sci-Fi Hall of Fame- If you ever venture to Seattle, by all means, skip the EMP. You know that feeling you get when you pay full price at the theater to see a really bad movie? Multiply by ten and you would have the EMP. I cannot stress this enough. DO NOT believe the significant hype. I enjoyed the Sci-Fi museum, however. There will be two types of people that go to the Sci-Fi Hall: Those who say, "Lame." and those like me that are blabbing, "A full size replica of the queen from "Alien"!?!? A Predator mask!?!? They have the original script of the classic Star Trek episode 'The Trouble with Tribbles!' This is legit as hell!" Needless to say, I was one for two on the enjoyment of these attractions which are in the same building.

8) Comedy Underground- In the hallowed halls where comedy greats like the late Mitch Hedberg and Caroline Rhea once performed, we saw a good comedy show (which was graded as mediocre by Beej) on Saturday. Perhaps I thought everything was funnier considering I had slept about four of the previous thirty-five hours (Plane Insomnia strikes again.)

9) The seafood - The Halibut & Chips I had at The Crab Pot on Wednesday night were yummy like you read about. I didn't know they could fry fish that well and you can never fully appreciate popcorn shrimp at Red Lobster again after you've had it at the Crab Pot. They had a shirt there that simply stated, "Got crabs?" A funny novelty shirt, except that it did not say anywhere on the front or back that it was from The Crab Pot restaurant. That is a joke that needs to be immediately qualified.

10) The bus- We utilized the public transportation of King County about as well as can be expected for a couple of Wisconsinites. The undisputed highlight of the bus trips was seeing two hooligans get arrested at the bus stop in Redmond for spraying graffiti on a wall. When parking for the day in Seattle costs $7+ and parking at the bus stop a mile from Beej and Kate's to take a round trip into the city costs $8 total... you do the math. We also spent a lot of time walking around downtown. There's nothing quite like a walk uphill from 1st Ave to 4th Ave to let you know precisely how out of shape you really are.

11) Otters - One of the things I wanted to see was the Seattle Aquarium. It is certainly not the largest or most modern aquarium in the world, but it did have... Otters! They float on their backs and do cute little human things with their hands! The best part about the Aquarium is that they have a seafood restaurant on the street level. A seafood restaurant at an aquarium! "Our special of the day is 'Fish That Was Not Interesting Enough To Have In The Aquarium and Chips.' That also comes with side salad."

In closing, we had a ton of fun. If I think of anything I neglected to mention, I will update further in the future.

I'm finished,
Nate

Holy smoke!

The week following tax season is kind of like the week after a hurricane here at Thrivent Financial. You get blown around violently for a while, and then suddenly everything is eerily still. Everybody should have their taxes done by now and if they don't... it's not like we weren't available. I think a collective sigh of relief was let out by all of us here in the call center. I know I spent Friday basking in the afterglow of being done with a frazzeling few months.

I have a couple of questions about the new pope, Benedict XVI. It has nothing to do with the obvious questions: Does he hate gays? Will he attempt to unify with other religions and sects? Is there any truth to the accusation that he was a Nazi? My question is this: Doesn't anybody in Italy work? The pope gets elected and there's like 100,000 people there who've been waiting all day... for like three days. Go to work, hippies! Also, the powers that be at the church decided that "to avoid any confusion" they would ring the bells along with the white smoke to signify that there was a new pope. Great idea, except for one thing: They ring the bell every fifteen friggin' minutes already. So the first afternoon they let out the black smoke, signifying no new pope, so everybody leaves. Then five minutes later at quarter after, the bells start ringing and everyone comes flooding back. They of course find out that it was, indeed, black smoke. Way to clear up the confusion. Next time, just have someone make a noise like a dying giraffe when a new pope is elected. Just for simplicity's sake. Why can't there just be fireworks? There'd be no confusion with a huge papal fireworks display. I'm not Catholic and I certainly don't claim to be an expert on the pope selection comittee but I'm just thinking fireworks would be awesome. That's all for now.

I'm finished,
Nate

I'm all in?

Hope everyone had a good Easter (or to Jaime, I hope you had fun with whatever pagan Costa Rican holiday they were celebrating.) The Easter Bunny made a quick stop in Appleton leaving candy and Tiger Woods 2004 for PS2. That game is like a domesticated wolf, you know it's supposed to be harmless, but you're almost afraid to have it in the house. It is the most addictive game I have ever played, period. I don't even particularily like golf, yet I'm sitting there after two straight hours of playing, deciding between a pitch and a flop from 35 feet away from the pin.

Taxes rule! Even though it accounts for 75% of the phone calls I get at work and the next three weeks are going to be pure hell, taxes kick butt. They run the government, they keep wasteful social programs "that I love" alive, and most importantly, for some of us, they give us money back. I got my tax return on Friday! Yay! For once, I may even stick to a plan on how I will spend it. I shouldn't actually be happy about getting a return. As every good Republican should know, tax refunds are the return of an interest free loan that you just gave to the government. But when you check the balance of your bank account online and that return is staring you in the face, it's like butterflies being released in the stomach, isn't it? I made out like a bandit even though I had part time residence in both the UP and Wisky this year (I think I owe Michigan like $9.)

The Seattle trip is coming together nicely. We have our plane tickets and BJ and Kate will be picking up the tickets to see the Mariners and THE 2004 WORLD CHAMPION BOSTON RED SOX!!!!! HURRAH! GO SOX! Oh, and we're going to see some other stuff like a museum and some Space Needle thing, and THE 2004 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION RED SOX! This is the first vacation of my adult life and it is going to kick the butt and take the names, fool. But it is still well over a month away. Sad.

Finally, am I sick of hearing about poker. Wow, am I ever. Ever since ESPN started airing the World Series of Poker regularly, you can't get away from it. The worst part is the stories. This or a variation of this is every poker story I've ever heard:
Some Guy: "So, I was playing poker last night, Nate."
Me: (sigh) "Oh, really?"
Some Guy: "Do you play cards?"
Me: "No, it's not really my thing."
Some Guy: "So anyways, I almost won. I had this flush going after "the flop", then after "the river" it was just me and this other guy. I was thinking he probably had a flush too but I had a Queen high so I went all in. The Ace was already out there, so the only thing he could have that would've beat me was a King. Guess what he had?"
Me: "Umm, a King? Probably?"
Some Guy: "Sure did! I was so pissed!"
Me: "Umm. Tough luck I guess." I don't blame the people for being excited, it's just that I don't have anything to add to the conversation and I feel like an idiot. Enough with the poker!

I'm finished,
Nate