What I Did Instead of Watching Michigan v. Ohio St.

I was planning to write a running diary of what I was doing while Michigan/Ohio St was on this weekend because I was done with the Wolverines for this year. It was lame. I watched a couple of episodes of "Scrubs" on Comedy Central and went out to Fuddrucker's for a burger. So, instead, I pulled up an old post about the Wolverines from my blog (callmehoss.blogspot.com if you haven't checked it out and told a friend, please do) where I was lamenting the state of the U of M football program. I've annotated my current thoughts in bold to illustrate how completely naive I was about the state of this program. Enjoy...

Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Going Bowling, Part Deux.

MasterCard Alamo Bowl, Dec. 28- San Antonio, TX
Michigan v. Nebraska
Needless to say, this is not where this season was supposed to end up for the maize and blue. I remember watching the Wolverines on Sept. 10 (when they were still in the top 5) as they tried to come back against Notre Dame and thinking, "Uh-oh. This team isn't as good as everyone thought." (This is exactly what I was thinking about 4 years later watching them lose to Iowa this year.) It also seems that they have a hard time coming back against anyone and always lose that game or two that they probably just shouldn't lose. (Two years later we lost to D-IAA Appalachian St. which people have been happily reminding me about since.) Granted, three out of the four teams they lost to this year (Wisconsin, Notre Dame, Ohio St.) (the crappy team they lost to was the "Fake U of M", Minnesota) were pretty darned good and they did beat the team that finished #3 in the BCS (Penn St.), but these were supposed to be wins when the season began (with the possible exception of OSU.) (Now, we say things like, "Well, we should beat Delaware St and the "Directional Michigan" schools we play this year. And, if they had played Central Michigan this year instead of Delaware St, they would've lost.)

It is hard to use the words "consistently mediocre" (I'd commit a misdemeanor for "mediocre" right about now) about a team that has won a national championship in the last decade (It's now been more than a decade) and a Big Ten title as recently as last year, but at some points that is how I feel about this team. Every year as a Wolverine fan, you just wait for the other shoe to drop (There has been nothing but shoes dropping the last couple of years). If we make it through the Notre Dame game, there is always the Ohio St game, provided we even make it through the Michigan St. game or when we go to Camp Randall to play Bucky. Do you think this is the way USC fans have gone into the last two years? (USC is probably doing this now after the couple of years they've had.) Besides Oklahoma, do you think Texas looks at any game on their schedule and says, "Man, I wish we could just skip them this year!" Miami? (Miami got real bad after this post.) How about Georgia? I want to start looking at the Wolverine's schedule and feel like Ohio St. is the only game we need to worry about, and even then, worry only slightly. (Hahahahahahaha. LMFAO! OMG! LOL! We need to worry about every effin game now. I was so stupid!) That is the feeling an elite college football team should have. (We are no longer an elite program in the Big Ten, let alone nationally!) I just haven't seen that from the Wolverines. I think my buddy Corey, a U of M grad student, put it best by saying, "One of the great subtleties of Michigan athletics seems to be the lack of a killer instinct; that'll keep you going to mediocre bowls for decades at a time but prevent outright dominance." (We haven't been to any bowls for two years now. That's "any" with a "zero".)

In this game, on this day, Michigan wins the Alamo Bowl. Nebraska sucks hard. (BTW- This Nebraska team sucked so hard they beat Michigan 32-28.) Ironically, eight years ago, this should have been the matchup for the National Championship. (Just so you know, in 2009 the Nebraska program is playing for the Big XII championship in 2 weeks while the Wolverines now have some down time.) Today, in 2005 it'll be an entry in the media guide that makes us look back in a few years and think, "What the hell happened that season?" (Yeah, I'm pretty sure the first 2 years of the Dick Rod (Rich Rodriguez) era will be much more embarrassing than the 2005 season. I asked my hetero-lifemate Grant after the Wisconsin game this year, "Will we see Michigan win another national championship in our lifetime?" His response was "Of course. But, no time soon." Well, they went damn near 50 years between the 1948 national championship team and the 1997 national championship team. I don't think this is a slam dunk. Charles Woodson and Brian Griese aren't walking through that door, son. Grant brought up that we were a close win against Indiana from going winless in the Big Ten this year. There seems to be no hope. So, my assessment going forward? The 2010 Wolverines win the Big Ten and play Alabama in the National Championship game. Wolverines win 21-17. HAIL TO THE VICTORS VALIENT!!!!!!!!!!!)

I'm finished,
Nate

You're Better Than That, Vol 4 & 5

As you know, I am not the biggest Sarah Palin fan. I feel that while she became Governor of a state (something which I will never do), she rarely has anything of substance to say.

That being said, I would at least like to think that a "news" magazine would not have a headline that reads in part "She's Bad News For The GOP - And For Everybody Else, Too."

Newsweek, aren't you better than that?



Palin angered by 'sexist' Newsweek cover

But also, Sarah? You really posed for that picture? Thought you were better than that, too.

Hey Ladies....

At times, when there is nothing good on sports talk and there is a long commercial break on 94.7 WZOR I will need to turn over to 101.1, which one could nickname "Miley Radio." The currently have in heavy rotation the latest song from Blu Cantrell. The problem is, the latest song from Blu Cantrell is "Hit Em Up Style", it's eight years old and is one of the most god damned annoying songs of all time. If I could ban songs from ever being played again, this stupid song would be right up there with "Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas.

Now, I'm all about bringing back old stuff if it's good, but seriously can we stop with the Blu Cantrell and bring back something better like:

Baloon Boy Parents To Plead Guilty

Well, the jig as they say, is up for the creepy balloon boy hoax parents.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/12/balloon.boy.charges/index.html

Part of the reason the parents agreed to plea deals was the citizenship status of the mother Mayumi Heene. That makes sense. The indignation of the family's lawyers certainly does not make sense.

The threat of deportation for Mayumi Heene was a factor in the plea deal negotiation, the attorney's statement said.

"Mayumi Heene is a citizen of Japan. As such, any felony conviction or certain misdemeanors would result in her deportation, even though her husband and children are Americans," the statement said.

"It is supremely ironic that law enforcement has expressed such grave concern over the welfare of the children, but it was ultimately the threat of taking the children's mother from the family and deporting her to Japan which fueled this deal."

Um, you're damn right. These parents screwed up and tried to make a little kid lie to Wolf Blitzer so that the parents (not the family, the parents) could maybe get a reality TV show. They are lucky to still have kids. You just said yourself that if they risked going to court for a felony she can get deported. You want to take that risk? Maybe you want them to just not be charged with anything at all. Seeing as your client has already come out and said it was a hoax (that cost taxpayers a couple mil), these prosecutors are throwing you a absolute, gift wrapped bone here by allowing a plea and not nailing your ass to the wall. Where does this indignation that this plea is somehow bad for the welfare of the children come from, you prick? I think it is well within law enforcement's right to threaten someone with deportation if they VERY CLEARLY ADMIT TO BREAKING THE LAW and the DA wants to avoid a pain in the ass (albeit a slam dunk pain in the ass) trial.

So, sorry, balloon parents. You won't get media coverage of a trial either, which I'm sure you would've loved.

Randomness, Vol 13

Just a short one. Been busy lately overseeing my white blood cells do battle with an invading cold army.

Well, 'multi-platimum' (I think we're taking his word on that) singer/songwriter Ray J is back for another season of "For the Love of Ray J." The beginning of this season shows him flying in a Gulfstream, landing on the tarmac to get into an expensive Italian sports car that eventually pulls up at an opulent mansion. The scene is interspersed with Ray J explaining that with his hectic schedule, it's hard to find love. Couple of things: a) How sad do you think he's going to be when vh1 takes the car, mansion and use of the jet back? b) You have such a busy schedule but yet you have time to film 12 episodes of a reality dating show!?!? c) How many more fake "For the Love of..." type shows do we need, for the love of Christ?!?! This must be catering to an entirely different demographic than the one I hang with.

And I thought the Miss California story couldn't get any more effed up. Read this web address, it pretty much sums this whole story up (do read it, though.) - http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/11/05/2009-11-05_carrie_prejean_sex_tape_forced_exmiss_californias_lawsuit_settlement_report_.html

It's almost a decade later, do we still need to be on guard about that Y2K thing?

At the height of its popularity back in 2002, "That 70s Show" spawned a little known spinoff called "That 80s Show." It was just a classic example of having one concept that is good and popular and trying to take it one step too far. On a related note, Activision just recently came out with DJ Hero and Band Hero.

Shouldn't a lawsuit seeking over $1 trillion in damages just be automatically thrown out on grounds of ridiculousness?

Hey, Pink? If your attitude is such that most of your songs are about how men are a bunch of immature D Bags, should you really be surprised when you have relationship problems? I don't want to point fingers here, but...

I don't know what this Christmas Carol story is all about, but if it's got Jim Carrey in it, it's got to be great. When have you steered me wrong (Eternal Sunshine, Lemony Snicket's, The Truman Show, The Number 23 and Fun with Dick and Jane excluded.)

I don't think I heard one Jon & Kate story this week. Glorious.

Bryan Fischer, the director of Issues Analysis (what an outstanding ambiguous title) for the American Family Association has a simple solution for stopping violence like what happened in Ft Hood, TX. The alleged shooter was Muslim so, very simply, kick all Muslims out of the military. At least until Muslims, quote, "invent a jihadi-detector that works every time it's used." Yeah, how about nobody starts work on a "jihadi-detector" until we figure out why our counter-terrorism officials may have intercepted communications between the shooter and a radical Muslim spiritual leader and didn't do anything about it? It's not like this guy was in the general population, you mean to tell me someone from the CIA couldn't have contacted his C.O. to arrange an interview to discuss his future in the military? So yes, Brian Fischer, it may end up that the fact that this soldier was Muslim was the biggest reason for this rampage. I am actually more appalled if the true is there may have been hints of this before it happened that were ignored. A main justification for this proposed ban are that "Christianity is a religion of peace... Islam is a religion of war and violence..." So, the assholes that bomb and shoot up abortion clinic doctors... were they just out sick on that "religion of peace" day? But maybe your plan isn't ambitious enough. Why limit it to Muslims in the military? Let's just bring back concentration camps like we had in W.W.II! That wasn't a black eye in American history that I'm gonna love to explain to my kids someday. You say the military is "about being ready to break things and kill people so that Americans can sleep securely in their beds at night." Well, you obviously don't sleep very securely with people around who follow the Muslim religion... oh, I see where this is headed...

Seriously though, just a terrible terrible thing that went down last week.

I'm finished,
Nate

"Grey Mucus... Awesome."

So, my big accomplishment this week was fighting through a pretty bad cold while not missing any work. The fun started with a little tickle in my throat on Monday and peaked as I was in bed, under my winter quilt, with a space heater going full bore right next to me, watching "Parks and Recreation" and thinking "Hey, Amy Poehler isn't that terrible" (that must have been the Sudafed talking.) An hour later? Quilt is off, space heater's turned off and the window's cracked to let some cold night air in. You want to make up your mind, cold riddled body?

Speaking of Sudafed, what a lovely drug that is, right? You got a runny nose? Well, we've got a drug that will make your nose Mojave level dry and painfully itchy while giving your brain and the rest of your body the functioning capacity of a DVD player trying to read VHS tapes. Take the red pill if you want to continue.

Daylight Savings Time

I usually wait at least 5 or 6 days to change my clocks back in the fall. I love the feeling of waking up in morning, looking at the clock and thinking, "Oh, man! I'm gonna be late!" and then a few seconds later thinking, "Nevermind, I can go back to sleep for a little bit." Or, when I get home from the gym after work... OK, ya got me... when I get home from Cheyenne's Bar and Grill after work and think, "Crap, I missed the first half of NCIS! Oh, wait. Nope. Still have a half hour to go. Whew." Eventually, I'll update all my clocks, but for a little while, it's kinda neat to live in a world with extra time and I recommend that everyone try it.

Welcome!

For those of you who came over here via facebook, I still plan to post the Randomness, You're Better Than That and 35% of Your Daily Sodium on fb. In addition here, I will be posting more quick hitter things that I can't justify doing as a note on your facebook wall, clogging up your newsfeed.

Also, feel free to take a look back at this kid's older posts, and if you think that what I have to say is funny or has merit, please, by all means pass the address on to a friend, coworker, douche bag you see surfing the web on his Blackberry while driving, etc...

callmehoss.blogspot.com

Late.....

35% Of Your Daily Sodium - October 2009

Once again, as a service to you, I've jotted down some brief thoughts on the prepackaged meals I happened to eat last month. That's good eatin'.

Oct 05, 2009 - Michelina's Shrimp Fried Rice - I had to break my "Never buy anything that costs less than $2 and involves seafood unless you are in a third world Asian nation where $2 is a weeks pay" Rule for this one. Not bad, actually. As far as shrimp quotient is concerned, I finally found out where all of the shrimp that are too small to qualify as salad shrimp go, but with a price tag of 2 for $3, it met my low expectations.

Oct 13, 2009 - Orv's Beef Pasty - This thing has two strikes against it from jump street. a) It's a pasty that is not made in the U.P. b) It's made by Orv's, the company that produces some of the most repugnant oven bake pizza I've ever had. So obviously, this is going to be terrible. Got a couple of bites in and realized... it wasn't that bad. At 6oz, it is embarrassingly small and nowhere near the quality of St. Charles, Jean Kay's, Dobber's, or even the Pasty Koop here in Appleton. That being said, I can see another couple of Orv's Beef Pasties in my future (if other options are not available, of course.)

Oct 14, 2009 - Swanson's Roasted Carved Turkey - Swanson's claims to have invented the TV Dinner back in 1954. Apparently since then, much like the Hardee's chain, they've scoffed in the face of the healthy eating movement with classic offerings such as Salisbury steak, boneless fried chicken, fried chicken strips and fried Salisbury steak w/ fried carrots. OK, I made that last one up, but I wouldn't put it past 'em. The turkey in this dish is so thin, I'm assuming it was "carved" with a deli meat slicer and the stuffing tasted about what you'd expect microwaved bread crumbs to taste like, but in the end, it wasn't all that bad. A solid B - to C+.

Oct 15, 2009 - Campbell's Select Harvest Mexican-Style Chicken Tortilla soup - The soup was good, but the commercials for these Select Harvest soups are outstanding. They basically criticize all of the artificial flavorings and chemicals that are in "other" soups. You mean "other" soups like everything else that you sell, Campbell's? It's like saying, "Good thing you're eating this, because the rest of our soups are straight up garbage, yo."

Oct 16, 2009 - Campbell's Select Harvest Savory Chicken with Vegetables soup - If I went back in time to talk to my great great great grandparents, two things would be certain: 1) My great great great grandfather would look a lot like either me or Michael J Fox. 2) They'd want me to be burned as a heretic when I told them I 'made' soup for lunch and it only took 3 1/2 minutes.

Oct 20, 2009 - Healthy Choice Sweet Asian Potstickers - Truth be told, I had no idea what a "potsticker" was when I bought this (I'm relatively certain you as the reader are looking it up on Wikipedia right now.) I'll sum this up in a haiku:

No like whole grain rice
Potstickers way too bland
Will not buy again

Oct 21, 2009 - La Preferida Spanish Rice w/ Bell Peppers & Onions - I almost wish we lived in a world without "Best if used by" dates. Then I could avoid situations in which I talk myself into taking a can of spanish rice that's about to go bad to work and calling it "lunch." Just a terrible decision by the kid. 'Preferida' is of course Spanish for 'favorite.' Based on the quality, I assume they mean 'favorite' like, "Ball St (0-7) is a four point 'favorite' at Eastern Michigan (0-6) this weekend."