Randomness, Vol 11

Congrats to Smirnoff Ice for bridging the generation gap. Your commercials, with groups of young people throwing all of their couch cushions into a swimming pool and having a rave in an abandoned gas station that they've painting completely purple, have both me and my father saying, "This is stupid. I don't get this at all."

Reese's has introduced the Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup, answering the age old question, "How could anybody possibly eff up a peanut butter cup?"

However, I feel I do need to pass the word along about a delicious product I tried just the other day. Multi Grain Club Crackers from Keebler. These things are obviously good with cheese or peanut butter whatever you put on your crackers, but I feel, that they can be eaten on their own as well. Don't be disillusioned, they aren't that healthy for you (each cracker is still about 20 calories), but consider picking up a box the next time you visit the grocery, and tell 'em: "Hoss sent ya." And then be prepared to have them look back at you and say, "That's great. Who the hell is Hoss?"

I went to the post office last week because I was out of stamps and had to mail a couple of letters. One of these was a mail in rebate, for which I had to include the UPC code from the back of the household cleaner bottle . According to the postmaster, this was going to require them "to charge me a little bit extra." When I asked for an explanation, I was told, "It's not that it weighs more, it just won't go through our automatic sorters." OK, it costs 44¢ to mail a letter, so I'm figuring this one needs to get the special treatment and is going to cost me another couple of pennies or maybe even a nickel. Nope. TWENTY CENTS. I needed to pay almost 150% of what it costs to mail a normal letter because this UPC is making the envelope bulg a little bit. Between the constant rate hikes and the "20¢ extra if we have to touch it more than once" policies, it's amazing that this entity can lose so much
freakin money. But alas, I am not going to drive the letter to Douglas, AZ myself, so I guess 64¢ isn't such a bad deal after all. And when I get my $2.00 rebate check in the mail (which is now a net of $1.36 after postage), I'm taking all my friends out for drinks! Woo to the hoo!

From the website for the antidepressant, Pristiq:

How does PRISTIQ work?
As an SNRI, PRISTIQ is thought to work by affecting the levels of two neurotransmitters believed to play a key role in depression, serotonin and norepinephrine.

It's thought to work? That is not something I would want to hear if I'm about to start a new drug. Speaking of...

Some insurance plans will require participants to try cheaper alternatives if their doctor prescribes them a particularly expensive drug, sometimes for several months at a time, to prove that the alternatives DON'T work. Basically, you may need to suffer a little longer while the insurer makes certain they can't get you on a Hy-Drox version of the prescription your doctor says you need. While this is terrible, the fact that this includes drugs used to treat DEPRESSION is downright appalling. Do you know what can happen when antidpressants don't work? PEOPLE CAN DIE, ASSHOLES!

Man, if I hear any more versions of the "Five Dollar Foot Long" song, it may begin to get annoying.

Columbia is trying to pitch itself as a vacation destination. No, not the one in South Carolina. Not the "District of..." We're talking about Pablo Escobar's Columbia. This is their slogan: "The only risk is wanting to stay." The US State Department also has some stuff on their website that would work well as slogans: "Small towns and rural areas of Colombia can still be extremely dangerous due to the presence of narco-terrorists." and the catchy: "...criminal organizations continue to kidnap and hold civilians for ransom or as political bargaining chips. No one is immune from kidnapping on the basis of occupation, nationality, or other factors." I think I'll stick to staying in the good ol US of A, thanks.

You all have undoubtedly heard, read, listened to your President scold, etc... Kanye West for his interruption of Taylor Swift accepting an award at MTVs most recent video music awards. Well, I would feel remiss if I didn't give my 2¢:

NATHAN TALKS TO FAMOUS PEOPLE:

"Kanye. What the hell, man? I get it, you think your great and that we all care about what you think. News flash, knucklehead. We don't give a shit. And, I know deep (or maybe not all that deep) down, you're just doing this for attention. Let me tell you about another guy that did stuff for attention. Remember Dennis Rodman? He was the best rebounder on the planet and then decided that he'd also like to develop a "shock-the-world" sort of personality. So, he starts saying stupid things to the media and kicking cameramen and saying more stupid things to the media and the next thing you know, the world stopped caring. "Can you believe what Rodman did, I wonder what he'll do next?" turned to "Well, it's Rodman, so who gives a rat's ass." I'll concede that you've got some talent, so just do your job and don't end up like Dennis Rodman. Unless doing the 2014 equivalent of Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Wrestling in five years appeals to you."

As far as organized crime goes, is there a worse business model than the street gang? Every other criminal is trying to us stealth and deception to mask their illegal activities. Not these geniuses. I'm telling you, watch "Gangland" on A&E sometime and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

For example, one gang member they interviewed while serving a life sentence in prison: "Yeah, I got these tats after I got locked up. (They stand for)Money, drugs and gambling. Cause that what I'm all about." Really? Because you're in prison. Doesn't seem like any of those things are in big supply for you. And all of them need to get tattoos that respresent what gang they run with. Smart move. I'm sure it makes it harder for the cops to figure out whether or not to search you for weapons or drugs. (I guarantee you that if I ever get a tattoo, I'll be asking questions like, "This 'flower with a heart behind it' design that I'm getting as a tramp stamp isn't being used by any gangs that you know of, correct?")

One guy I saw on Gangland gets pulled over with a big logo of a large Houston gang on the back window of his truck. Pretty sure members of Al Capone's crew didn't get "Scarface 4 Life" painted on the back of their 1930 v-16 Cadillac's, if you know what I'm saying.

And if you listen to any interview ever done with a gangbanger, they are 100% guaranteed to utter the phrase, "When you in the gang, you a soldier." Not only does that statement sound wicked stupid (and unoriginal, seeing as all of them say it), but it's so offensive to people that actually fight for this country, I don't even know where to begin.

I'm finished,
Nate