Couple things to start out with. First, "Scrubs: Season 2" comes out on DVD next week. You should watch this show if you don't already. This is the last time I am going to say this...again. Just rent it on Netflix or if you are at Blockbuster one night and it's down to "Scrubs" or "Remington Steele: Season Two," just make the right call. Secondly, I wrote this in August:
The Northern game is sure to be a blowout and this season should lead to the firing of coach Doug Sams (which should have happened last year)...
I was right, after going 13-29 in 4 seasons, he got fired. Finally, the guy who killed six hunters, wounded two others, using fourteen bullets and claiming self-defense was sentenced to six consecutive life terms this week. No parole. Good call on that, I think. Just like that however, there is another bizarre killing in Wisconsin. Steven Avery was released from prison in September of 2003 after serving 18 years for a rape which he did not commit. Today, police found burned human remains at his family's auto salvage yard. The remains presumably belong to a local woman who has been missing since last week. Authorities say that they found the keys to the woman's SUV (which was found at the salvage yard) in Avery's trailer. It's like a mediocre storyline from "Law & Order" got spit up in here. Pretty sad.
Now, without further ado, celebrity bashing!
It's time for the Hollywood types to 'fess up. Well, not really 'fess up as much as quit treating us like idiots. In a recent interview with Larry King, ex-"Friends" star (turned most famous divorcee in the world) Jennifer Aniston refused to discuss anything about her alleged relationship with Vince Vaughn. That relationship is "alleged" like the Packers "allegedly" suck this year. Can these people give us some credit? Say what you want about tabloid magazines and TV shows, but the two things they excel at are a) being relentless and b) usually being right. I've seen pictures of her and Vince Vaughn on the beach kissing each other, I've seen them out shopping arm in arm looking like a couple, I've seen their sex tape.
OK, so there is no sex tape, but the others are things that I've seen with my own eyes in the supermarket checkout. Is Jennifer Aniston calling me a liar? Is she insulting my intelligence? I don't see what the big production is. Why is everything about celebrity couples' lives supposed to be a big hush-hush secret? Certainly she can't be concerned about being seen as a floozy who must have cared so little about her marriage to Brad Pitt (heretofore know as "B. Pitty") that she was gleefully attracted to the arms of a new man. If we remember correctly (and I know this is going back a while), she was on the wronged end of one of the biggest celeb breakups of our time. B. Pitty was already raising all of Angelina Jolie's Asian children by the time the divorce was final. You get a pass on this one, Ms. Aniston.
Now, I am certainly not asking that Jennifer Aniston talk about everything her and Vince Vaughn do. I personally don't care about what restaurant they ate at last night, how they feel about global warming and whether or not they have Mr. and Mrs. Smith on pre-order at Amazon. All I ask is that she not treat me and the public like idiots and refuse to even qualify the so called rumors. This is how an interview would make me happy:
Interviewer: "So, inquiring minds want to know, are you a couple."
Aniston: "I guess you could say that."
I: "Are there any long term plans?"
A: "I don't feel comfortable discussing that."
Done. That is all I'm asking for. The thing that bothers me the most is that I don't actually care about the relationship. Just as I didn't care about the Jen and Brad thing. A lot like I don't care about Bradgelina. Most importantly though, a lot like I don't care about the men that Paris Hilton sexes, with the exception that I hope they someday have a reunion that fills the Rose Bowl to near capacity. I simply don't want to be treated like an idiot.
I shouldn't just rag on Jennifer Aniston. How many times have you heard somebody answer a question (which we already know the answer to) with a firm "No comment." I wish more people would put this into practice in their everyday lives. Imangine the versatility of the up-front, straight denial!
Wife: "My private investigator gave me these pictures of you having sex with your secretary! How could you do this?"
Husband: "Oh, my! I'm not going to comment on that. You know better than to ask me that."
Wife: "Why would you sleep with her?! After 10 years of marriage?!"
Husband: "Again, I'm not going to comment. Next question."
Wife: "Do you not even care about me?"
Husband: "You are just relentless, aren't you. I've said all I'm going to say."
Wife: (sobbing, lamenting the fact that her husband is a tool.)
The possibilities are endless.
I know there is always the argument out there that normal people wouldn't like to have their personal lives relentlessly scrutinized on every level. That's true. However, if someone had picture of me and Vince Vaughn kissing and asked me about it you know exactly how I would respond:
"And then Vince never called me again, the jerk. Oh, and he chews Doublemint."
That last sentence sounded a lot funnier in my head.
I'm finished,
Nate
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