Sildenafil citrate. Originally designed to cure a heart ailment, it was the side effect of this drug that made it the most famous pill in the US since AZT. Though only available by prescription, it has more commercials on TV than Children's Tylenol. In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about the wonder drug, Viagra.
I know that most of you are saying, "Um, Nate? Where are you going with this?" Just bear with me.
If we remember correctly, when Viagra first came out, it immediately ascended to "easiest punchline" status. Think about it. Leno and Letterman probably looked at the newspaper and exclaimed, "They're going to make a pill that will cause an erection? That's a comic gold mine!" They then laid off half their writers.
So we start getting these gems:
"We now know Saddam Hussein takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy, he's one of their own."
(Chuckle.)
"Did you hear about the fire in the Viagra Factory? There was a delay in reporting it, because Pops, the night watchman, was busy getting laid."
(Yeah, real funny.)
"Stock market was up today, it must be..."
(All right. You know what? Stop.)
Viagra became its own joke and it was not that funny. It became a sophomoric comedy shortcut and I think most of us were tired of it after about a week.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I realized the other night that Brokeback Mountain is the new Viagra joke. Just take a mental inventory, how many gay cowboy jokes have you heard in the last month? This movie is going to win the Academy Award for Best Picture and many Americans have turned it into a punchline for a gay joke. That's America for you, we make a daring movie about a previously unexplored topic and everybody looks right past that and switches into Beavis and Butthead mode.
I saw Rob Lowe get a hug from some correspondent from The Tonight Show on location at Sundance the other night, and of course herespondedd with a "We got some Brokeback Mountain action going on here, or what?" Yeah, hilarious, Rob.
My point is this: It's not that damned funny. What, are we in fourth grade here? God help us if they every make a movie about The Village People. Jay Leno's head might blow up.
So here is my proposition. I think we should have to retire jokes about people or events after they have been used to excess. We can hang these jokes in the rafters of the Tonight Show, with Brokeback Mountain joining other honorees as "Michael Jackson likes kids", "Martha Stewart went to prison" and the inaugaral member "Viagra."
MOVIE REVIEWS
Hustle and Flow (Terrance Howard, Anthony Anderson, Ludacris)- Story about an aspiring rapper bringing himself up from the pimpin' game and trying to get rich. This is like every other story along these lines (8 Mile, Get Rich or Die Tryin, etc...) but it is done with a craft that those other stories lacked. Of course, there is the requisite unbelievability in some parts (especially the fact that our hero has a prostitute in his stable that can apparently sing like Ashanti) but the story is still tight.
Dukes of Hazzard (Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Jessica Simpson's breasts)- This could be the all-time worst movie adaptation of a television series in history. As a fan of the original TV show, I was appalled at the storyline, the casting and the way that they used the characters. The worst of all (I swear), is how Daisy Duke went from a smart, cunning and inventive vixen in the TV show to a full court press of sluttiness and bimbo-ism in the form of Jessica Simpson.
The Island (Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansson)- It's what you'd expect from a Michael Bay directed movie about human cloning. The clones have problems (when do they ever not have problems?) and a bunch of stuff blows up. Scarlett Johansson apparently borrowed Tara Reid's hair and voice for part of this role (the similarities are uncanny) but she was more visually stunning than many of the CGI action scenes. I'm a big fan. The ending was pretty horrible, even by Michael Bay standards, but there were some pretty good action scenes to make up for it. The most peculiar thing about this DVD was its lack of bonus material. There were NO deleted scenes, no bloopers, in fact the only thing it did have was a short "making of" piece... which consisted of Michael Bay blowing stuff up. It figures.
I'm finished,
Nate
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2 comments:
You're absolutely right Nate. We need more jokes such as this:
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Give up???
A: Where's my tractor?
For the record, I find this joke legitimately funny.
hahahahahhaahhahah!!! good joke, Jaime. It's funny because it's true.
I think celebrity based jokes in general can just go. It makes it less and less funny to laugh at them, which to me, is unacceptable. I'd also like to nominate the following headlines for this hall of fame:
1.) Britney Spears married a loser and she's slowly becoming more gross and crazy as time goes on.
2.) Paris Hilton is a big dumb whore who starred in a night-vision sex tape.
3.) Jessica Simpson is a dumb bitch who thinks she's smart but doesn't act smart, but insists she's smart.
So please, everyone stop making dumb punchlines about these women, because they're fuckshow lives make me feel better about myself and cheapening their car-crash existances makes it less funny. Thank you.
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