"Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated." -Mark Twain
Friday night I am hanging out at The Bar on Lynndale celebrating with a colleauge who was moving on from Thrivent to bigger and better things. Upon a subsequent check of my cell phone log I found that 3 people had called me and I recieved a strange voice mail from Grant stating somberly, "Call me when you get this." My heart sank immediately. What could have happened? Is everything all right? Did the Red Wings lose? WHAT HAPPENED!?!?
I finally get Grant on the phone and he tells me this: "Kurt told me that he heard that you had killed yourself." Umm. What? Yes, apparently everyone in Rapid River had heard the same horrible rumor (So much so that a friend of the family visited my parents on Sunday night sobbing for their loss.) Obviously I am not deceased and am very much alive and well here in Appleton, WI. I thought little of it until I talked to my mother this morning when she told me, "Everybody knows about it. Everybody." Only now, three days later is it starting to piss me off. Friday night I had this exchange with my mother, "People heard I was dead." "Really? Well, good thing your not!" and we left it at that. Now I've got people crying because of the irresponsible or henious acts of somebody.
Then, that all led to this exchange with my ex-girlfriend Brooke, who most of you know, on Saturday:
B: "I guess you've heard by now."
N: "Yeah."
B: "I just want you to know that I didn't have anything to do with it."
N: "OK. Didn't say you did."
B: "Well, it's just that I don't even care about you enough to start something like that."
N: "Thanks. Real cheery."
B: "Well, I have no stress in my life now and I'm finally happy."
N: "I think we've already established that."
B: "OK."
N: "OK."
B: "Cheer up, don't sound so depressed."
Classy. Just your typical "Glad your not dead. Just reiterating my dislike for you." call. Nice.
So anyways, you can bask in the glow of my non-demise and hollah at me when you get a chance. Aight?
I'm finished,
Nate
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2 comments:
OH THANK GOD!!! You hadn't posted in FOREVER and I haven't received any late night voicemails from "The Big Nate Dogg" and I was getting frightened. However, I hadn't heard the rumor that you had offed yourself. Well, glad to see the unshared rumor wasn't true. :)
Hoss...I hadn't heard the rumor either, but I did laugh out loud in my office reading the dialog from your un-bereaved ex. Keep it coming, dude.
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