Randomness, Vol 9

Michelle Kwan will not compete in the next Olympics because she is "like 100 years old in female Olympian years." Kwan received a medical exemption after not qualifying for the last Olympics and has not competed internationally since then, so the fact that she is not giving it a go in 2010 comes as quite a shock to me. "...The lack of Olympic golds will be a bittersweet footnote in the career of Michelle Kwan." Will it really? Ask any sports fan you know: "Remember Olympic gold medalist Michelle Kwan?" and I guarantee you that less than 1 person out of 100 will answer, "Wait, she never won an Olympic gold medal! Stupid poser."

Because this is apparently a figure skating heavy post, someone who stole not only the show, but the heart of yours truly at the 2006 Winter Games in Torino was one half of the skating duo Belbin/Agosto, the lovely Tanith Belbin. I feel it was probably the luscious blond hair and infectious smile that sucked me in. For some reason however, I think I remember a slightly curvier version of her. Here she is in a recent photo shoot, doing her best impression of a fence post... or paddle from the game "Pong".

Really, you're surprised that a program that basically offered people $4500 off the price of a new car was popular? Really? The redonkadonk thing about this was that I saw a news story late last week where they very matter-of-factly claimed that the cash for clunkers program was woefully underfunded. So, the Fox 11 News and I knew this thing was doomed late last week and Congress didn't?

Could I interest you in a story about a guy that let 2,000 malaria infected mosquitoes bite him? Apparently, these scientists have decided that the best way to develop a vaccine for malaria is to have a bunch of mosquitoes bite test subject, with some of them acquiring "full blown grade 3" malaria. These guys sound less like researchers and more like Bond Villains.

The city of Los Angeles recently bounced $6M worth of checks. You hear that Econo Foods in Marquette, MI back in 2001? The second largest city in the U.S. bounces checks, why you gotta make a big to do about me accidentally NSF'ing a $27.52 check for Top Ramen, Stove Top Stuffing and Arm & Hammer PeroxiCare Toothpaste? (OK, you got me. It was probably for Busch Light and Captain Morgan.)

OK, I was wrong about Twitter... kinda. You probably see the many different news outlets that you can now follow on Twitter as well as almost every celebrity and half-a-celebrity on the planet. It may not necessarily be a great social networking site, rather a change in the way we digest information, I don't know. As an example, I learned about the death of Michael Jackson from Matthew Berry, who is a fantasy baseball analyst for ESPN via Twitter. "Wow. Crazy sad day. RIP Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcet, Blake Griffin." - TheRealTMR It was the first major story that I didn't learn about via TV, radio, Internet or word of mouth. I got a tweet on my cell phone. Do I think it can still be valuable for comedy? Of course. Some examples:

"Thought to fix the economy: Stop making pennies. They have to cost more than one cent each to make, don't they?" - clubtrillion
"Me during Bachelor: "Can't believe she went with EdCan'tGetABoner." SGal: "Oh, I think he got one." - sportsguy33
"For one brief moment, I whimsied LiveTweeting heavy petting w/wife. I stared into the abyss and it said "No, Kev. Just... no." - ThatKevinSmith

The movie The Ugly Truth came out last weekend. The set up to the story is that Katherine Heigl is a stuffy producer of a talk show who is looking for Mr Right. Her life is suddenly intruded on by a swaggering, sexist on-air talent in the perfectly sculpted form of Gerard Butler. These two really do not like each other. But for some reason, he is willing to help her try to make a lasting connection with the man of her dreams. You know, call me crazy, but it seems if he could change some of his ways and she could be a little less uptight, that these two could actually work as a couple. Maybe they would find out that they aren't so different after all. The idea is far fetched, to be sure. I guess you could just call me a sucker for the improbable scenario of opposites attracting in a romantic comedy.

"Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry/
In five days from now he's gonna marry/
He's hopin you can make it there if you can/
'Cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man"
- Young MC, "Bust a Move"

Couple of things:
a) I've only passively watched these wedding shows on TLC channel, but I'm pretty sure "best man" combined with "hope you can make it" would not fly with even the most passive of Bridezillas.
b) You should probably give the best man more than FIVE DAYS NOTICE that you're getting married. What if he had a non-refundable ticket for a Caribbean vacation? What do you say then? "Well, I was hoping you could make it there, but no big whoop?" Absurd.
c) Why is "best friend Harry" even mentioned? It just seems it would be easier to say "your friend Larry." I suspect Harry is not even a legitimate best friend and his name is merely mentioned to fit the rhyme scheme. Harry may not even really exist. I have my doubts.

The bottom line is, "Young MC is insulting your intelligence."

During a show about energy conservation this week, I saw a scientist explaining that the one major drawback of solar power is that it is very expensive. Yeah, and so were cell phones at one point, but now you can buy them at the freakin' gas station! Get on it, people!!!!

Holy crap, does District 9 look effin amazing.

People should not be able to use the word "moot" unless they can prove their ability to use it properly. Here's some help:
moot: of little or no practical value or meaning; purely academic
mute: something you do to the TV when the Heidi Montag music video comes on

The Sunday Detroit Free Press. $2.50 for six sections about the most depressing place in the United States. "Hey, I dropped half a Lincoln this morning to find out that that three quarters of the Detroit city council owes back property taxes. Awesome way to start my Sunday!"

I'm finished,
Nate