Randomness, Vol 8

Someday (obviously long after I'm done working for Sue and Amy and the whole TFL family), I'm going to get high on the reefer and contemplate things like, "The Universe has no edge and no center." Thanks, PBS.

(Guy brings a case of MGD 64 up to the counter.)
Cashier: "Oh, MGD 64. I love this stuff. It's perfect for me, because I don't like the taste of beer."
I cannot describe it any better. It's beer for people that don't like the taste and inebriating effects that beer provides.

So apparently, you can act a fool and not cooperate with a police officer as long as you're a black Harvard professor and can blame it on racial profiling.

When accepting an ESPY Award recently, Michael Phelps said that he couldn't have won the 4 x 100 freestyle relay at the Beijing Olympics without the other three members of the team. In case you were wondering how a relay team worked.

As funny as the Miller High Life commercials are, they are getting absurd from a believability standpoint. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the VIP sections ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lS9T99guQU ) of hot nightclubs are not frequented by people who drink the stuff. I don't think TMZ is ever going to post pictures of Lindsey Lohan slamming the "Champagne of Beers" at Body English in Vegas. Just sayin.

So, I woke up early for work one morning last week... like TWO HOURS early. While flipping through the channels I passed MTV and was blindsided by what may be the most ridiculous music video of all time. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb0KowdtK6Y ) I have a great appreciation for for the female form and the breasts that come with it, but even I thought this was gratuitous.

Domino's American Legends. Finally, the genius of the best and brightest culinary minds from around the country is seamlessly fused with really bad pizza.

If you've got some free time on your hands and are looking for a little free entertainment, maybe give a listen to the Adam Carolla podcast. I would describe it as "refreshingly irreverent."
http://www.adamcarolla.com
iTunes ( http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=306390087 )

Every 5 years, we need the song "Here Comes the Hotstepper" by Ini Kamoze reintroduced to prominence in our everyday lives. I dare you to disagree with me... ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3uZhh4HpKI ) This might replace "The Final Countdown" someday as the song I want to walk down the aisle to.

Microsoft released their new online search engine Bing last month. Were there people out there that Google wasn't good enough for? If someone were to ask you, "You know how stuff is hard to find on the Internet?" wouldn't your immediate response be, "Um, no."

Whatever happened to skywriting? You know planes that would write things with exhaust in the sky, like: "KRSTEN WILL YOU MARRY ME?" (Not the strongest speller, that one.) I just assumed from watching Looney Tunes when I was a kid that skywriting would be a regular form of communication when I got older. Nope. I think I saw a plane do it once when I was 10 years old at County Stadium in Milwaukee. Not sure what he was spelling, because the first letter had disappeared by the time he got to the fourth letter. I guess it isn't a good form of communication after all. Thank God for texting.

Former NFL player Korey Stringer died about 8 years ago from heatstroke while practicing in the middle of the hot Minnesota summer. For a long time there has been debate about the safety of making football players practice in sweltering heat, and his death was for sure a tragedy. Flash forward to 2009, where a judge has OK'd a lawsuit to go to trial in which his family is suing Riddell, the company that made his helmet and shoulder pads.

W.
T.
F.
?

"A federal judge in Ohio concluded that manufacturer Riddell Inc. had a duty to warn Stringer that its helmets and shoulder pads could contribute to heat stroke when used in hot conditions." Apparently the judge motioned to the bailiff to remove common sense from the courtroom that day, because I'm failing to see how any of this could be Riddell's fault. You really have to warn people about this? You know what else contributes to heat stroke? Practicing football in the middle of the effin summer!!!

The family's lawyer was happy about the decision because it helps to "make sure what happened to Korey doesn't happen to any other football player -- from the National Football League all the way down to kids in Pop Warner. This decision should go a long way to ensure it doesn't." Um, NO IT WON'T, jackass! You mean to tell me that if Riddell puts big warnings on it's equipment, no one will ever die from heatstroke again during football practice? OK, stick with that story. What else does this decision "ensure"? It probably ensures your client is going to make a monetary settlement out of court with Riddell and you can go ahead and get your direct deposit information out.

So, as a public service, I am going to warn people about some other products that could be potentially harmful:

• Wearing a Cabela's GORE-TEX MT050 Extreme Weather 7-in-1 Parka in the middle of Death Valley National Park in August may cause heatstroke and possibly death.


• If you drive a 2010 Mercury Milan Hybrid into a wall at 55 mph, it may cause great bodily harm and possibly death.


• Standing by a wall and having someone throw an Old Hickory 7" Carbon Steel Butcher Knife at you from across the room may cause deep gashes in the torso and possibly death.


• Using a Twin Peaks BX sleeping bag from The North Face could be hazardous to your health... when used next to a bear den and filled with salmon.

You've been warned.

I'm finished,
Nate