Randomness, Vol 10

Has there been a more useless invention in our lifetime than the third window at the drive thru that is never used for anything other than storing boxes? Someone had a great idea back in the mid 90s to have two separate windows, one where you pay and one where you pick up your food. Some guy name Frank probably didn't have anything to contribute in that meeting, but didn't want to come off as uncreative, so he added "If one extra window is good, why not a second one?" Good work, Frank.

When the Vikings were flying Brett Favre up to Minnesota yesterday, do you thing they opened the hatch somewhere around Sun Prairie so he could take an actual dump on Wisconsin at the same time he was dropping a big, steaming metaphorical pile on the state?

"Give a hoot - don't pollute." Really, Woodsy Owl? Smokey the Bear and McGruff the Crime Dog must make fun of him mercilessly behind his back for that catchphrase. They have to be calling him Woodsy the Cable Guy when he's not around, no?

The Cassini spacecraft found evidence of liquid water on one of the moons of Saturn. Sweet. Can we live there? No? Moving on.

Can someone explain to me what the hell is going on with bubble gum flavors? Savage Sour Apple? Sour Double Berry? The seven different varieties that incorporate the unholy artificial watermelon flavor? Bubble Yum makes a flavor that is supposed to taste like... ready to hurl?... Hershey's chocolate. Look, Bubblicious used to make a flavor called Cherry Cola and it was fan-freakin-tastic. You bring that back, give me some Paradise Punch to go with it, maybe some Gonzo Grape for when I'm feeling frisky and call it a day. I don't need gum to taste like mango, OK?

I find it hard to believe that in 2009, they still sell ties with cartoon characters on them. The cartoon tie says, "I know how to dress professionally, but as you can tell by the drawing of Foghorn Leghorn on my tie, I can not, I say, can not be taken seriously."

How simple do we need to make pregnancy tests? There is one on the market now that gives a digital readout that spells out "pregnant" or "not pregnant". They claim that studies show a high percentage of tests are misread. Really?!?! Are these people taking the test out of the box and immediately shredding the instructions? I'm sure most of us have been on the business end of waiting for the results of a pregnancy test at one point or another. It's not something where you want to try winging it. Just sayin.

Anyone that spends any amount of time devising a plan to lay a finger on someone else's Butterfinger needs to:
a) seriously re-evaluate their priorities in life
b) maybe clean out the ashtray in their car and make a trip to the vending machine.

Don't you feel that horror movies have become much less plausible since the advent of cell phones?

Toyota has a commercial where a lady is carrying a couple bags of groceries, talking on a cell phone and inadvertently pulls the door handle off of her dilapidated vehicle. The commercial suggests that this would be a perfect time for her to take advantage of the "cash for clunkers" program. Hey, Toyota? I'm guessing that someone driving a 1983 RAV4 might not have the economic resources to be in the market for a new Highlander Hybrid.

- The redbox kiosk is a genius idea. Rent new releases for a dollar a night while you're going into the grocery store? Yeah, OK.
- Netflix is also a genius idea. Make a list of movies you want to see, watch one, send it back, rinse, repeat.

So, when Hollywood studios gets involved, you just know they are going to take two ingenious ideas and eff them up as bad as they can. Warner Bros joined Fox and Universal by announcing plans to not provide new releases to redbox or Netflix until 28 days after they are released to the public (at Best Buy, for example.) The argument is that the low cost rentals are a major contributing factor to slumping DVD sales. This can all be avoided of course, as long as the rental outfits agree to share rental revenues. I think a lawyer for Warner Bros was actually quoted saying, "Give us more money, buddy!"

So, basically the studios had agreed to sell the DVDs wholesale to redbox back when it first came out, then the economy tanked and people stopped buying DVDs, so the studios feel that this climate no longer suits them and they want to change the game. They came out with a better way to distribute your product, assholes! Nobody buys DVDs any more because, a) people are friggin broke and b) DVDs are wicked expensive. There's no way I'm buying a DVD right now unless its something I'm straight up positive I'm going to watch a bunch of times (like "Watchmen" or "Wild Things 3: Diamonds in the Rough"). I'm not going to go pull out $20 to go to the big box store and pick up a copy of "Obsessed" (despite a guaranteed chick fight between Ali Larter and Beyonce.) So, enjoy Netflix and redbox as they are now, because I'm sure that in the end they will come to some sort of profit sharing agreement which will inevitably mean higher prices for the consumers.

I'm finished,
Nate