Thoughts On That Thing Going On In Italy

A few observations from Torino (about a week after everybody else.)

Is it just me, or is the short track speed skating relay look like the single most difficult thing known to man? These people are skating around a hockey rink trying to time the tagoffs perfectly so as not get out of control and run into things, like other skaters... or the audience. In one of the women's relays last night a Chinese skater got her team disqualified and looked like she was about to charge someone WWE style. I think we need more of this. I propose in the next Olympics we have an exhibition sport: speed skate derby. Just like roller derby, only with contestants on sharp skates. As I've always said, nothing personifies the spirit of the Olympics quite like a double clothesline.

As far as Olympic hockey goes, I'm sick of hearing people who are shocked about the USA men's hockey not getting a medal. Who decided that we were better than Canada, Sweden, Russia and Finland all of a sudden? At hockey? We have over 4 million children born in this country every year and approximately 25 of them get into hockey as a youth sport. And we're surprised that we didn't get a medal in hockey? Shamus O'Toole has a better chance beating Ethiopia's Hailu Negussie in the next Boston Marathon. OK, that's not a fair example, but judging from the way these games turned out for the Americans and Canucks, the balance of power in international play has definitely shifted to Europe.

The US Olympics team was full of "disappointments" this time around (Sasha Cohen, Bode Miller, hockey, that snowboarder that decided it would be a good idea to show off in the single biggest race of her life and crashed.) I think this will give the red, white and blue a chance to suck it up and look ahead to what we can do to make things better for the Vancouver games of 2010. First priority: Add more sports that we're good at. An artificially created advantage is always welcome. Some early favorites are: Snowy Road Auto Crashing, anything with snowboards (polo perhaps) and Using Feet and Inches to Measure.

Of course I won't sit here and say nothing good came from these Games of the XX Winter Olympics.

Tanith Belbin. 'Nuff said.

I'm finished,
Nate