Randomness, Vol 3

Once again, random thoughts I felt compelled to jot down...

Coca Cola will apparently be removing the word "Classic" from it's labels soon. As you may know, the company re-released the original formula of Coca Cola after tons of people went apeshit when "New Coke" was released back in 1985. The shocking thing about this? New Coke survived, in some form, in some parts of the country until 2002!!! That's SEVENTEEN freakin years!!! Have you ever seen a can of New Coke? I will give somebody $5000 hypothetical dollars if they can show me physical evidence that they ever came into contact with a New Coke product.

What else is still lurking out there that we don't know about? Are we sure there isn't some gas station in Missouri that's carrying Crystal Pepsi right now? In Huntsville, AL is there a kid going to class with a bottle of "Surge" citrus soda in his or her backpack? Are we sure that Zima, the first alcoholic soda, is officially off the market? (That last one actually makes me sad, because Zima was my jam the first two years of college. The stuff tasted like soda and was like 10% alcohol. Then it got muscled out of the market by new and "improved" products. You ever try drinking a Smirnoff Ice? It's like 7% alcohol and 50% heartburn.)

So I learned something valuable last week. Don't underestimate the conviction of the Christian Bale supporters out there. I'm sorry guys, I was simply trying to say last time that I found some funny parts of his tirade. I would never say anything to insult the man or his work ethic, or his body of work... Even though he'll most likely give the worst performance yet as John Conner, and that's a list that includes Edward Furlong! Oh, snap!

After watching Top Gun for the 538th time this weekend, I thought of two more things that bugged me:

1) Maverick is close to turning his flirting with Charlie, his instructor into a full fledged, 4G Inverted Dive, and what does she do to him? Totally punks him in class! I always assumed that one of the fringe benefits of sleeping with your superior is that you could get praise for basically mailing it in. Nope. "I'm totally hot for you, so I'll express it by slapping a dunce cap on you in front of all of your classmates, who happen to be some of the most vindictive douches in the Navy. The elite. The best of the best."

2) The boys get in trouble for nailing Jester just below the hard deck on their first flight at Top Gun, which was 10,000 feet. In actual aerial combat, can the enemy not shoot you if you are below a certain altitude? Is it like having immunity on "Survivor"? I wasn't that pissed at them, to be honest with you. I praised their initiative and out of the box thinking.

I didn't realize that the side effects of steroids included your lips turning purple and leaving your wife for Skeletor-esque former pop music icons who are like 20 years older than you.

Do you think any of the other actors nominated for the Best Supporting Actor Oscar even go to the ceremony? Has Heath Ledger's name been engraved on that trophy since the week after "The Dark Knight" came out?

There is an Indian tribe in California that recently overcame one of the last legal hurdles standing in the way of allowing it to build a new casino in Northern California. The tribe consists of one woman and 5 of her immediate family members. The tribe was officially created when an application sat on a Department of Interior desk too long a couple of decades ago and was approved by default. And so started Chief Nate Dogg's dream of rolling all debonair like DeNiro and Pesci in "Casino".

President Obama signed the newest economic stimulus package into law this week. "Thanks a lot, assholes!" said your great-great-grandkids, who will still be paying for all of these bailouts.

I'm finished,
Nate