Keep an eye out for the new natehoss.com, coming soon!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Saturday, July 03, 2010
One Week Remaining!
One week until my first real show in Beloit with Krains Butter!!!
Ran through the set last night. Went about 43 minutes, which is about what I'm looking for. Plan of attack for today is to brave Wal Mart for some grillin stuff for tomorrow and then run the set a few more times. Later, I'm going to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and smoke in a bar for quite possibly the last time (Wisconsin goes smoke free on Tuesday.) So, I've got to get on that, here is my set from last week (and yes, I fall on my face.)
I'm finished,
Nate
Ran through the set last night. Went about 43 minutes, which is about what I'm looking for. Plan of attack for today is to brave Wal Mart for some grillin stuff for tomorrow and then run the set a few more times. Later, I'm going to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and smoke in a bar for quite possibly the last time (Wisconsin goes smoke free on Tuesday.) So, I've got to get on that, here is my set from last week (and yes, I fall on my face.)
I'm finished,
Nate
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day or in the future probably "One of the days I get visitation."
Went out to the show at Comedy Quarter last night. Nate Ford, Averell Carter and Michael Mack all showed up. The crowd? Not so much. It was like pulling teeth up there. Mack even called out the audience at one point saying he'd been to funerals that were more lively. I'm sure the crowd would have been offended, but that would require too much work. They really were just in full flatline.
Had breakfast out at Charcoal Grill this morning with Nate, Averell and my girl Ashley. Always love the breakfast buffet they put on out there. Talked a little comedy and then went home and napped for an hour. Now, for the rest of the evening, I'll be practicing the set I'm going to do tomorrow night w/ my posse in attendance!
Had breakfast out at Charcoal Grill this morning with Nate, Averell and my girl Ashley. Always love the breakfast buffet they put on out there. Talked a little comedy and then went home and napped for an hour. Now, for the rest of the evening, I'll be practicing the set I'm going to do tomorrow night w/ my posse in attendance!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Guest Set at Comedy Quarter last night.
Did a guest set last night at Comedy Quarter in Neenah. It was a lot of fun and I thought I did real good when I was up there. Upon further review of the video... not so much. I rehearsed the HELL out of this set. The problem is, when I got up there it sounded rehearsed and not as funny as it could have been. Good news is, I can fix it. The featured act was really funny and the Michael Mack had an amazing ending to his set. All, in all, it was a great experience and I can't wait to get on stage again.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Call Me Hoss (fake) News - Local teen unsure if he received compliment.
Local teen unsure if "I like the cut of your jib." is a compliment
by Nathan Holtslander
SCHAUMBURG, IL - Michael Ray is still looking for answers today to whether or not his boss paid him a compliment last Saturday evening. The 17 year old senior at Schaumburg High School works part time at the Osco Drug Store at 1801 W Golf Rd, had just finished restocking an end cap of Angel Soft toilet paper, a task that was neither required nor requested of him, on Saturday night when he received a peculiar comment from his supervisor.
He told me, "You know what? 'I like the cut of your jib, kid.' And then he just walked away." said Ray.
Ray, who is a reserve on the Saxons basketball team who plans to attend Valparaiso University in the fall, said he does enjoy receiving commendations if he performs above and beyond expectations, he just wishes the accolades would be a little easier to understand.
"I asked my dad (William Ray, 51, also of Schaumburg) what 'I like the cut of your jib' means. He said that it's something old guys say to each other. Like a way of letting the other know that they like how that person does things. So, I guess that's a compliment. My stepmom (Stephanie Taylor-Ray, 31) didn't know what it meant, either."
Michael's supervisor, Donald Jenkins, 55, of Hanover Park has been managing the store for the past four years and reportedly has a penchant for saying cryptic and sometimes confusing things to his employees.
"I remember once, we had a big order of Halloween candy to put away." recalls Desiree Johnson, 20, a former employee who is currently a sophomore at Northern Illinois University. "We had been stocking the candy pretty quickly, I mean a lot faster than we expected. Don walked by and told me and the other girl I was working with, "Now your cooking with gas." He went away and me and the other girl just stared at each other for a while. We thought about asking him later what it [his comment] meant, but we didn't want to run the risk of him seeing us and and making us work late. We already had plans to go to a really big house party that night."
As for Ray, he said that while he doesn't fully understand everything his boss tells him, he is still content with his job.
"Sure, working there is fine. I mean there's days when you get a shipment in and are putting away a bunch of merchandise and that sucks. But, it gives me some money to put in my gas tank and they don't seem to notice if you go out and get a little high on your lunch break, which is pretty chill."
Jenkins has this week off and could not be reached for comment on this story and did not immediately return messages left at his home or the Easy Street Pub at 17 S Roselle Rd in Schaumburg, which those close to him describe as his "home away from home."
by Nathan Holtslander
SCHAUMBURG, IL - Michael Ray is still looking for answers today to whether or not his boss paid him a compliment last Saturday evening. The 17 year old senior at Schaumburg High School works part time at the Osco Drug Store at 1801 W Golf Rd, had just finished restocking an end cap of Angel Soft toilet paper, a task that was neither required nor requested of him, on Saturday night when he received a peculiar comment from his supervisor.
He told me, "You know what? 'I like the cut of your jib, kid.' And then he just walked away." said Ray.
Ray, who is a reserve on the Saxons basketball team who plans to attend Valparaiso University in the fall, said he does enjoy receiving commendations if he performs above and beyond expectations, he just wishes the accolades would be a little easier to understand.
"I asked my dad (William Ray, 51, also of Schaumburg) what 'I like the cut of your jib' means. He said that it's something old guys say to each other. Like a way of letting the other know that they like how that person does things. So, I guess that's a compliment. My stepmom (Stephanie Taylor-Ray, 31) didn't know what it meant, either."
Michael's supervisor, Donald Jenkins, 55, of Hanover Park has been managing the store for the past four years and reportedly has a penchant for saying cryptic and sometimes confusing things to his employees.
"I remember once, we had a big order of Halloween candy to put away." recalls Desiree Johnson, 20, a former employee who is currently a sophomore at Northern Illinois University. "We had been stocking the candy pretty quickly, I mean a lot faster than we expected. Don walked by and told me and the other girl I was working with, "Now your cooking with gas." He went away and me and the other girl just stared at each other for a while. We thought about asking him later what it [his comment] meant, but we didn't want to run the risk of him seeing us and and making us work late. We already had plans to go to a really big house party that night."
As for Ray, he said that while he doesn't fully understand everything his boss tells him, he is still content with his job.
"Sure, working there is fine. I mean there's days when you get a shipment in and are putting away a bunch of merchandise and that sucks. But, it gives me some money to put in my gas tank and they don't seem to notice if you go out and get a little high on your lunch break, which is pretty chill."
Jenkins has this week off and could not be reached for comment on this story and did not immediately return messages left at his home or the Easy Street Pub at 17 S Roselle Rd in Schaumburg, which those close to him describe as his "home away from home."
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Randomness, Vol 14
You didn't think the Randomness had gone away for good, did ya?
Oh, Jesse James. I think in this post Tiger world, we are a little more accustomed to celebrities cheating. That being said, the girl has tattoos on her forehead, did you really think this was going to end up well for you?
I'm not sure what freaks me out more, the first scene in the movie Alien where an alien burst out of a persons chest, or when someone talks to me while I'm using a urinal. Yeah, it does look like we are going to have some good weather this weekend, could you maybe wait until I'm washing my hands to talk to me about it? Thanks, bro.
Every time we get technology updates at work, our department starts to behave like we are in the command center at NORAD and we just went to DEFCON 2. "I think it's trying to install the updates... Wait, hold on... What is this window!?! I've got an unidentified window here!! Is your computer doing this, too!?! Talk to me, people!!!" Also, I'm about .5-1.15% less productive at work in the days after I change my password. You know how hard it is to remember that my new password is "SuP3rJONASbros" right away?
Philadelphia is proposing a tax on sugary drinks (soda, etc...) as a way to combat the city's budget deficit. I heard this and thought, "What are we talking here, an extra 15-20 cents per bottle or can? That's reasonable." Nope $.02 per ounce! So, a 2 liter bottle (which is approximately 64oz) that let's says costs $1.99, would now have $1.28 tacked on for tax. Does this seem excessive to anyone else, or am I just overreacting?
If you only ever do one thing for me, read this article: "The Internet? Bah!" by Clifford Stoll from the Feb 27, 1995 issue of Newsweek. This guy... could not have been more wrong about everything he wrote in this article. Thanks to the fellas over at the Uhh Yeah Dude podcast for pointing their listeners in the direction of this story. Truly one for the ages.
I think the above story is laughable... and then I hear statements like the following from some middle aged lady in a restaurant a couple weeks ago: "As I understand it, if you have what they call a "smart phone" or another name for it is an "iPhone" then anyone can automatically know where you are currently located on this site called Twitter." Yeah, lady. The way you understand it is wicked not correct. They were also mad at "that young girl that beat Meryl Streep for the Oscar." You mean Sandra Bullock? Cause she's 45. It's certainly not ancient, but it's not like she lost to Ellen Page or Megan Fox.
Oh, MTV. I noticed in the channel lineup that MTV showed the movie "Phone Booth" a few nights back. Does MTV hate showing videos that much? I mean, I guess I understood when they started filling every evening with "15 & Pregnant", "The Hills", "RW/RR Challenge" and other original programming. Now you're showing bad movies? You mean to tell me you couldn't fill that time with music videos? Kanye West said that Beyonce's video was one of the best of all time. I would have no idea. Never saw it, because instead of videos they show "Phone Booth" and 8 year old episodes of South Park (which really have not aged well.) If you don't provide an outlet for the art form, innovation is bound to get stifled. We won't have any more great videos. No more Black Hole Sun. No more November Rain. No more Fantastic Voyage. No more Make 'Em say Uhh! OK, we could do without more of that last one. I know it's a tired argument, but you're running out of excuses to not show videos. You're also running out of time. I won't be in your demographic forever. Some would argue I'm already not.
If you're ever feeling a little down about yourself and thinking things like, "maybe I'm not that smart" or "it seems like everyone has their stuff together more than I do."Just take a few moments and read the user responses to just about any CNN.com story. You will feel so much better about yourself afterward, I promise.
For example, I read an article from last week about how it was ruled that Anna Nicole Smith's estate is not entitled to millions from her late husband the Crypt Keeper... Oh, I'm sorry, his name was J. Howard Marshall, he just looked a lot like the Crypt Keeper when he passed on at the age of 90. Anna Nicole of course died in 2007 as the result of a drug overdose. Here are some of my favorite responses:
"Creativeker" says:
Unfortunately, Anna Nicole Smith blew her life on drugs. She could have lived a very long life had she taken care of her own health. With that kind of money, why not buy health spa and fitness center? Educate to eat healthier and so forth?
Because Anna Nicole totally struck me as the kind of person that would "buy health spa and fitness center." Anyone who saw her E! True Hollywood story would know that she needed a lot of help, I'm not sure that buying a health spa and fitness center was the silver bullet for the psychological problems and addictions she had.
"john80" says:
Funny how the internet allows anyone to blog, and at the same time has made the press lazy
Actually, that isn't funny. Oh, and it doesn't make any sense.
"john80" also says:
War, healthcare, escalating gang violence from Mexico, missing affluent white children, missing poor black children, climate change... I'm glad when I choose to have the three top story headlines displayed on my homepage that something about the Anna Nicole Smith saga makes the list.
Really john80, you're having trouble finding news stories about war and healthcare reform? Have you turned on a TV or a radio or just been in the world recently? You can get your fix of those stories by accident these days. Also, while this was at its base a story about a Playmate marrying an old guy, the case did at some point go to the effin US Supreme Court. There are some legitimate reasons for it to be on CNN.com
From "muser":
Golllly, these people are so rich they get fight over money after they're dead. Who cares just give it to Haiti the kid doesn't need the money as much as she will need a shrink if all this crap about everything surrounding her is always a fight
You can find more musings from muser at battle-against-proper-grammar-and-punctuation.com
"Manc6267" chimes in:
thats good news if you ask me, neither she nor her next of kin deserve money for doing nothing more then sleeping with an old guy...
Remember the part in the story where she was married to him when he died? While the whole "Playmate married to an octagenarian" thing was admittedly a little creepy, she did have a legal document that said she was his spouse.
"OckamzRazor" says:
Interesting that all the key players are ghosts now. Wouldn't you like to sit in on the little afterlife conversation? "I REALLY, REALLY loved you and it wasn't for the money..." "Yeah, right. I saw the way you were talking to Elvis..."
That's funny. Gotta give credit where credit is due.
"Vikings2009"
One word...KARMA
The guy who's a fan of the team that got in bed with Brett Favre so he could stick it to his old team which may have disgusted the football gods so much that they rained down one of the most shocking playoff losses ever on them is talking about Karma?
"JMPGFOTO"
Afraid that I cannot say I am sorry for either side. I think all of the money from the old geezer should go to charity. The old man's family are a bunch of greedy, dishonest, scum and Anna Nicole was undoubtedly in for the money of the old buzzard. Just dump the whole crowd in a hole and bury them. Atleast the son also bought the farm so maybe there is some justice in that.
I love how so many people think the legal system should work. "Well, if we don't like these people, we should be able to kill them and give all their money to charity." I'm pretty sure this isn't how the system works. Law students, correct me if I'm wrong.
"lolotte" writes in:
Gold digger be aware.... you are not always winning. Think twice before choosing this job.
Not to be a dick and nitpick here, but you probably meant "Gold digger beware."
"bipar08" thinks:
what a waste of court time wouldn't it be better used for drug dealers that should be in prison,
Another guy named "DeFace" actually made a good rebuttal to this: "This was probate court." So, yeah, 75 drug dealers didn't go free because the Anna Nicole case had to go through the courts. Even so, we may have problems in this country arresting drug dealers and keeping them in prison, but do we really have a problem getting them prosecuted?
"Guest" says:
Good, this is how it should be. You keep what you earn and it stays within the family. Some money grubbing woman shouldn't be able to sleep her way into your family fortune.
Once again. Legal effin document. They were married.
"KinjiruRM" does some proofreading:
"Marshall's family said in a written statment. " - Wow CNN, too busy to bother with spell check?
That is actually a good point.
I'm finished,
Nate
Oh, Jesse James. I think in this post Tiger world, we are a little more accustomed to celebrities cheating. That being said, the girl has tattoos on her forehead, did you really think this was going to end up well for you?
I'm not sure what freaks me out more, the first scene in the movie Alien where an alien burst out of a persons chest, or when someone talks to me while I'm using a urinal. Yeah, it does look like we are going to have some good weather this weekend, could you maybe wait until I'm washing my hands to talk to me about it? Thanks, bro.
Every time we get technology updates at work, our department starts to behave like we are in the command center at NORAD and we just went to DEFCON 2. "I think it's trying to install the updates... Wait, hold on... What is this window!?! I've got an unidentified window here!! Is your computer doing this, too!?! Talk to me, people!!!" Also, I'm about .5-1.15% less productive at work in the days after I change my password. You know how hard it is to remember that my new password is "SuP3rJONASbros" right away?
Philadelphia is proposing a tax on sugary drinks (soda, etc...) as a way to combat the city's budget deficit. I heard this and thought, "What are we talking here, an extra 15-20 cents per bottle or can? That's reasonable." Nope $.02 per ounce! So, a 2 liter bottle (which is approximately 64oz) that let's says costs $1.99, would now have $1.28 tacked on for tax. Does this seem excessive to anyone else, or am I just overreacting?
If you only ever do one thing for me, read this article: "The Internet? Bah!" by Clifford Stoll from the Feb 27, 1995 issue of Newsweek. This guy... could not have been more wrong about everything he wrote in this article. Thanks to the fellas over at the Uhh Yeah Dude podcast for pointing their listeners in the direction of this story. Truly one for the ages.
I think the above story is laughable... and then I hear statements like the following from some middle aged lady in a restaurant a couple weeks ago: "As I understand it, if you have what they call a "smart phone" or another name for it is an "iPhone" then anyone can automatically know where you are currently located on this site called Twitter." Yeah, lady. The way you understand it is wicked not correct. They were also mad at "that young girl that beat Meryl Streep for the Oscar." You mean Sandra Bullock? Cause she's 45. It's certainly not ancient, but it's not like she lost to Ellen Page or Megan Fox.
Oh, MTV. I noticed in the channel lineup that MTV showed the movie "Phone Booth" a few nights back. Does MTV hate showing videos that much? I mean, I guess I understood when they started filling every evening with "15 & Pregnant", "The Hills", "RW/RR Challenge" and other original programming. Now you're showing bad movies? You mean to tell me you couldn't fill that time with music videos? Kanye West said that Beyonce's video was one of the best of all time. I would have no idea. Never saw it, because instead of videos they show "Phone Booth" and 8 year old episodes of South Park (which really have not aged well.) If you don't provide an outlet for the art form, innovation is bound to get stifled. We won't have any more great videos. No more Black Hole Sun. No more November Rain. No more Fantastic Voyage. No more Make 'Em say Uhh! OK, we could do without more of that last one. I know it's a tired argument, but you're running out of excuses to not show videos. You're also running out of time. I won't be in your demographic forever. Some would argue I'm already not.
If you're ever feeling a little down about yourself and thinking things like, "maybe I'm not that smart" or "it seems like everyone has their stuff together more than I do."Just take a few moments and read the user responses to just about any CNN.com story. You will feel so much better about yourself afterward, I promise.
For example, I read an article from last week about how it was ruled that Anna Nicole Smith's estate is not entitled to millions from her late husband the Crypt Keeper... Oh, I'm sorry, his name was J. Howard Marshall, he just looked a lot like the Crypt Keeper when he passed on at the age of 90. Anna Nicole of course died in 2007 as the result of a drug overdose. Here are some of my favorite responses:
"Creativeker" says:
Unfortunately, Anna Nicole Smith blew her life on drugs. She could have lived a very long life had she taken care of her own health. With that kind of money, why not buy health spa and fitness center? Educate to eat healthier and so forth?
Because Anna Nicole totally struck me as the kind of person that would "buy health spa and fitness center." Anyone who saw her E! True Hollywood story would know that she needed a lot of help, I'm not sure that buying a health spa and fitness center was the silver bullet for the psychological problems and addictions she had.
"john80" says:
Funny how the internet allows anyone to blog, and at the same time has made the press lazy
Actually, that isn't funny. Oh, and it doesn't make any sense.
"john80" also says:
War, healthcare, escalating gang violence from Mexico, missing affluent white children, missing poor black children, climate change... I'm glad when I choose to have the three top story headlines displayed on my homepage that something about the Anna Nicole Smith saga makes the list.
Really john80, you're having trouble finding news stories about war and healthcare reform? Have you turned on a TV or a radio or just been in the world recently? You can get your fix of those stories by accident these days. Also, while this was at its base a story about a Playmate marrying an old guy, the case did at some point go to the effin US Supreme Court. There are some legitimate reasons for it to be on CNN.com
From "muser":
Golllly, these people are so rich they get fight over money after they're dead. Who cares just give it to Haiti the kid doesn't need the money as much as she will need a shrink if all this crap about everything surrounding her is always a fight
You can find more musings from muser at battle-against-proper-grammar-and-punctuation.com
"Manc6267" chimes in:
thats good news if you ask me, neither she nor her next of kin deserve money for doing nothing more then sleeping with an old guy...
Remember the part in the story where she was married to him when he died? While the whole "Playmate married to an octagenarian" thing was admittedly a little creepy, she did have a legal document that said she was his spouse.
"OckamzRazor" says:
Interesting that all the key players are ghosts now. Wouldn't you like to sit in on the little afterlife conversation? "I REALLY, REALLY loved you and it wasn't for the money..." "Yeah, right. I saw the way you were talking to Elvis..."
That's funny. Gotta give credit where credit is due.
"Vikings2009"
One word...KARMA
The guy who's a fan of the team that got in bed with Brett Favre so he could stick it to his old team which may have disgusted the football gods so much that they rained down one of the most shocking playoff losses ever on them is talking about Karma?
"JMPGFOTO"
Afraid that I cannot say I am sorry for either side. I think all of the money from the old geezer should go to charity. The old man's family are a bunch of greedy, dishonest, scum and Anna Nicole was undoubtedly in for the money of the old buzzard. Just dump the whole crowd in a hole and bury them. Atleast the son also bought the farm so maybe there is some justice in that.
I love how so many people think the legal system should work. "Well, if we don't like these people, we should be able to kill them and give all their money to charity." I'm pretty sure this isn't how the system works. Law students, correct me if I'm wrong.
"lolotte" writes in:
Gold digger be aware.... you are not always winning. Think twice before choosing this job.
Not to be a dick and nitpick here, but you probably meant "Gold digger beware."
"bipar08" thinks:
what a waste of court time wouldn't it be better used for drug dealers that should be in prison,
Another guy named "DeFace" actually made a good rebuttal to this: "This was probate court." So, yeah, 75 drug dealers didn't go free because the Anna Nicole case had to go through the courts. Even so, we may have problems in this country arresting drug dealers and keeping them in prison, but do we really have a problem getting them prosecuted?
"Guest" says:
Good, this is how it should be. You keep what you earn and it stays within the family. Some money grubbing woman shouldn't be able to sleep her way into your family fortune.
Once again. Legal effin document. They were married.
"KinjiruRM" does some proofreading:
"Marshall's family said in a written statment. " - Wow CNN, too busy to bother with spell check?
That is actually a good point.
I'm finished,
Nate
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Onion style article - Pat Robertson: God's Displeasure With Chile "Obvious."
Pat Robertson Indicates That God's Displeasure With Chile Is "Obvious."
by Nathan Holtslander
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - Only two months removed from making incendiary observations about the Haitian earthquake being the result of pact the country's forefathers had made with the devil in 1791, conservative leader Pat Robertson has been surprisingly mum so far about the reasons behind the 8.8 magnitude earthquake in Chile. Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network released only a short press release, simply stating, "Well, it IS Chile. I think it's pretty obvious, right?"
Robertson seems to be stirring the pot less than he usually does when a horrific natural disaster or terrorist attack needs to be blamed on a deal with Satan or the general breakdown of morals in society. Robertson once famously concurred with Jerry Falwell that the 9/11 attacks could be blamed in no small part on the American Civil Liberties Union due to its support of homosexuals and feminists, among other despicable bottomfeeders of society. Some are speculating that Mr. Robertson is balking at this opportunity because it is believed his knowledge of South America is limited to "we send missionaries there to save indigenous people that don't have Jesus in their life" and "it's where all the drugs come from that are turning the youths of this nation into souless pagans all high on the reefer and the smack." (Note: Chile is not known to be a significant exporter of illegal drugs.) However, others argue, that's all you really need to know.
"I thinks when he said 'It's obvious.' that's exactly what he meant", said Mark Donaldson, president of the Conshohocken, PA chapter of conservative group Family Values in Action "I mean, if a people will sell poison to their fellow man and engage in all other kinds of lewd and homosexual behaviors, eventually God is going to have a word with them. And in this case, he had a word in the form of a big honkin earthquake." Mr. Davidson declined to elaborate on what kind of "homosexual behaviors" he was referring to, going only so far as to say, "They're doing it. You know they're doing it."
Others disagree and claim that God had little to do with the catastrophe. Michael Gilberts from the US Geological Survey explains, "It's really about location..." He then went into some boring speech about the location of tectonic plates and the Earth's crust and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Perhaps in the days and weeks ahead, we will be able to better understand what exactly the Chilean people did that angered God enough that he needed to immediately bring down judgment on a couple hundred of them. For now, Pat Robertson has left us open to interpret the reasons behind the righteous and bloody vengeance that occurred less than a week ago.
by Nathan Holtslander
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - Only two months removed from making incendiary observations about the Haitian earthquake being the result of pact the country's forefathers had made with the devil in 1791, conservative leader Pat Robertson has been surprisingly mum so far about the reasons behind the 8.8 magnitude earthquake in Chile. Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network released only a short press release, simply stating, "Well, it IS Chile. I think it's pretty obvious, right?"
Robertson seems to be stirring the pot less than he usually does when a horrific natural disaster or terrorist attack needs to be blamed on a deal with Satan or the general breakdown of morals in society. Robertson once famously concurred with Jerry Falwell that the 9/11 attacks could be blamed in no small part on the American Civil Liberties Union due to its support of homosexuals and feminists, among other despicable bottomfeeders of society. Some are speculating that Mr. Robertson is balking at this opportunity because it is believed his knowledge of South America is limited to "we send missionaries there to save indigenous people that don't have Jesus in their life" and "it's where all the drugs come from that are turning the youths of this nation into souless pagans all high on the reefer and the smack." (Note: Chile is not known to be a significant exporter of illegal drugs.) However, others argue, that's all you really need to know.
"I thinks when he said 'It's obvious.' that's exactly what he meant", said Mark Donaldson, president of the Conshohocken, PA chapter of conservative group Family Values in Action "I mean, if a people will sell poison to their fellow man and engage in all other kinds of lewd and homosexual behaviors, eventually God is going to have a word with them. And in this case, he had a word in the form of a big honkin earthquake." Mr. Davidson declined to elaborate on what kind of "homosexual behaviors" he was referring to, going only so far as to say, "They're doing it. You know they're doing it."
Others disagree and claim that God had little to do with the catastrophe. Michael Gilberts from the US Geological Survey explains, "It's really about location..." He then went into some boring speech about the location of tectonic plates and the Earth's crust and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Perhaps in the days and weeks ahead, we will be able to better understand what exactly the Chilean people did that angered God enough that he needed to immediately bring down judgment on a couple hundred of them. For now, Pat Robertson has left us open to interpret the reasons behind the righteous and bloody vengeance that occurred less than a week ago.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
I tried a short Onion style article: "Sign points to expanded hours for area business... or does it?"
APPLETON- Area residents have been left wondering lately what the business hours actually are for the Computer Repair Center in Appleton. While the company claims that it's normal business hours are 10:00am - 6:00pm Monday through Fridays, some local residents feel that the business at 2423 N Richmond St may have recently expanded their hours.
"I'll drive by there sometimes at 8-9 o'clock at night" said local resident Janice Shew. "The lights will be off and there won't be any cars around the building, but that bright 'Open' sign will just be a flashing away. Sometimes, I'll even see the sign on before 7 in the morning when I'm on my way to work."
The sign, which appears to be a 13"x23" sign, with neon letters that flash intermittently and spell the word "Open", has created something of a controversy, with some believing that the sign is occasionally left on by employees when they finish the work day and that no one is actually at the business after hours.
"There's nobody there. They just forget to turn the sign off when they go home for the night. That's it." theorized Brett Shaw of Grand Chute, "I sure am glad I'm not paying their electric bill with them doing things like leaving a neon sign on all night."
A call to the business (placed at 8:30pm Monday via cell phone in the parking lot while the neon sign was illuminated) was not answered and a message not immediately returned. Still, some residents believe a store's sign means something greater.
"If their open sign is in the window, they must be open." said Bernard Seymour of Appleton. "When a store is closed, do they put a sign that says "Open" in the window? Of course not. They might do that kind of silly stuff in Iraq or Afghanistan, but here in the U.S.? No sir."
Similar instances of open signs being illuminated while the businesses appear to be closed have been reported at the Cash Store at 1218 N Badger Ave in Appleton and Little Luigi's Pizza at 102 W Wisconsin Ave in Kaukauna.
"I'll drive by there sometimes at 8-9 o'clock at night" said local resident Janice Shew. "The lights will be off and there won't be any cars around the building, but that bright 'Open' sign will just be a flashing away. Sometimes, I'll even see the sign on before 7 in the morning when I'm on my way to work."
The sign, which appears to be a 13"x23" sign, with neon letters that flash intermittently and spell the word "Open", has created something of a controversy, with some believing that the sign is occasionally left on by employees when they finish the work day and that no one is actually at the business after hours.
"There's nobody there. They just forget to turn the sign off when they go home for the night. That's it." theorized Brett Shaw of Grand Chute, "I sure am glad I'm not paying their electric bill with them doing things like leaving a neon sign on all night."
A call to the business (placed at 8:30pm Monday via cell phone in the parking lot while the neon sign was illuminated) was not answered and a message not immediately returned. Still, some residents believe a store's sign means something greater.
"If their open sign is in the window, they must be open." said Bernard Seymour of Appleton. "When a store is closed, do they put a sign that says "Open" in the window? Of course not. They might do that kind of silly stuff in Iraq or Afghanistan, but here in the U.S.? No sir."
Similar instances of open signs being illuminated while the businesses appear to be closed have been reported at the Cash Store at 1218 N Badger Ave in Appleton and Little Luigi's Pizza at 102 W Wisconsin Ave in Kaukauna.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
35% Of Your Daily Sodium - November 2009
Once again, a short review of the delightful and not so delightful selections found in your grocer's freezer.
Nov 03, 2009 - Healthy Choice Portabella Spinach Parmesan - I learned a very valuable lesson from this dish: Parmesan can apparently mask my distaste for mushrooms. See, I can handle mushrooms on pizza and in certain dishes (including this one.) However, just eating mushrooms plain? That sounds like a challenge on "Fear Factor" to me. Let's put it this way, when you can bread and deep fry a food and I STILL have no desire to eat it, that isn't a good thing.
Nov 06, 2009 - Smart Ones Creamy Rigatoni With Broccoli & Chicken - Well. It's as plain as it sounds.
Nov 09, 2009 - Smart Ones Shrimp Marinara - This without a doubt the best Shrimp Marinara that Smart Ones makes. Take that for what it's worth.
Nov 10, 2009 - Smart Ones Salisbury Steak - This really took me back to 1991. Terminator 2 was tearing it up at the box office, the song "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" was topping the charts (not to mention misusing the hell out of parentheses), and at Rapid River Public Schools, an eleven year old Nate Dogg was dining on the best Salisbury Steak he can remember. One thing that I always noticed was that Salisbury steak day was usually, almost without fail, two days after hamburger day. I assumed there was some correlation there, but I never did figure out what it was.
Nov 13, 2009 - Smart Ones Pasta Primavera - Pretty good. Pasta primavera is something that sounds really fancy, like something you'd only order when you know the company is footing the bill. Basically though, it's just pasta, broccoli, carrots and Parmesan sauce. It's kind of a let down once you know that information.
Nov 19, 2009 - Smart Ones Fettuccine Alfredo - I feel strongly that noodles and alfredo should not be served without being accompanied by some sort of meat. Chicken alfredo, shrimp alfredo, veal alfredo, bologna alfredo, etc...
Nov 23, 2009 - Swanson's Boneless Fried Chicken - Figured that going into Thanksgiving, I'd be eating a lot Thursday and Friday, so I started the week off with something light like... fried chicken. How did it taste? Well... Um... Hmm... You ever warm up fried food in the microwave? It kind of tastes like that.
Nov 30, 2009 - Michelina's Budget Gourmet Stir Fry Rice and Vegetables - Difficult to cook for sure. They expect you to peel back the corner of the container (I ended up stabbing it with a fork), cooking the thing for three minutes, and then pulling the rest of top off while steam comes billowing out that feels like it was heated by a blowtorch or nuclear reactor. After I bandaged my scorched index finger (OK, I might be embellishing here) and started eating, it was pretty good, truth be told.
Nov 03, 2009 - Healthy Choice Portabella Spinach Parmesan - I learned a very valuable lesson from this dish: Parmesan can apparently mask my distaste for mushrooms. See, I can handle mushrooms on pizza and in certain dishes (including this one.) However, just eating mushrooms plain? That sounds like a challenge on "Fear Factor" to me. Let's put it this way, when you can bread and deep fry a food and I STILL have no desire to eat it, that isn't a good thing.
Nov 06, 2009 - Smart Ones Creamy Rigatoni With Broccoli & Chicken - Well. It's as plain as it sounds.
Nov 09, 2009 - Smart Ones Shrimp Marinara - This without a doubt the best Shrimp Marinara that Smart Ones makes. Take that for what it's worth.
Nov 10, 2009 - Smart Ones Salisbury Steak - This really took me back to 1991. Terminator 2 was tearing it up at the box office, the song "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" was topping the charts (not to mention misusing the hell out of parentheses), and at Rapid River Public Schools, an eleven year old Nate Dogg was dining on the best Salisbury Steak he can remember. One thing that I always noticed was that Salisbury steak day was usually, almost without fail, two days after hamburger day. I assumed there was some correlation there, but I never did figure out what it was.
Nov 13, 2009 - Smart Ones Pasta Primavera - Pretty good. Pasta primavera is something that sounds really fancy, like something you'd only order when you know the company is footing the bill. Basically though, it's just pasta, broccoli, carrots and Parmesan sauce. It's kind of a let down once you know that information.
Nov 19, 2009 - Smart Ones Fettuccine Alfredo - I feel strongly that noodles and alfredo should not be served without being accompanied by some sort of meat. Chicken alfredo, shrimp alfredo, veal alfredo, bologna alfredo, etc...
Nov 23, 2009 - Swanson's Boneless Fried Chicken - Figured that going into Thanksgiving, I'd be eating a lot Thursday and Friday, so I started the week off with something light like... fried chicken. How did it taste? Well... Um... Hmm... You ever warm up fried food in the microwave? It kind of tastes like that.
Nov 30, 2009 - Michelina's Budget Gourmet Stir Fry Rice and Vegetables - Difficult to cook for sure. They expect you to peel back the corner of the container (I ended up stabbing it with a fork), cooking the thing for three minutes, and then pulling the rest of top off while steam comes billowing out that feels like it was heated by a blowtorch or nuclear reactor. After I bandaged my scorched index finger (OK, I might be embellishing here) and started eating, it was pretty good, truth be told.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
What I Did Instead of Watching Michigan v. Ohio St.
I was planning to write a running diary of what I was doing while Michigan/Ohio St was on this weekend because I was done with the Wolverines for this year. It was lame. I watched a couple of episodes of "Scrubs" on Comedy Central and went out to Fuddrucker's for a burger. So, instead, I pulled up an old post about the Wolverines from my blog (callmehoss.blogspot.com if you haven't checked it out and told a friend, please do) where I was lamenting the state of the U of M football program. I've annotated my current thoughts in bold to illustrate how completely naive I was about the state of this program. Enjoy...
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Going Bowling, Part Deux.
MasterCard Alamo Bowl, Dec. 28- San Antonio, TX
Michigan v. Nebraska
Needless to say, this is not where this season was supposed to end up for the maize and blue. I remember watching the Wolverines on Sept. 10 (when they were still in the top 5) as they tried to come back against Notre Dame and thinking, "Uh-oh. This team isn't as good as everyone thought." (This is exactly what I was thinking about 4 years later watching them lose to Iowa this year.) It also seems that they have a hard time coming back against anyone and always lose that game or two that they probably just shouldn't lose. (Two years later we lost to D-IAA Appalachian St. which people have been happily reminding me about since.) Granted, three out of the four teams they lost to this year (Wisconsin, Notre Dame, Ohio St.) (the crappy team they lost to was the "Fake U of M", Minnesota) were pretty darned good and they did beat the team that finished #3 in the BCS (Penn St.), but these were supposed to be wins when the season began (with the possible exception of OSU.) (Now, we say things like, "Well, we should beat Delaware St and the "Directional Michigan" schools we play this year. And, if they had played Central Michigan this year instead of Delaware St, they would've lost.)
It is hard to use the words "consistently mediocre" (I'd commit a misdemeanor for "mediocre" right about now) about a team that has won a national championship in the last decade (It's now been more than a decade) and a Big Ten title as recently as last year, but at some points that is how I feel about this team. Every year as a Wolverine fan, you just wait for the other shoe to drop (There has been nothing but shoes dropping the last couple of years). If we make it through the Notre Dame game, there is always the Ohio St game, provided we even make it through the Michigan St. game or when we go to Camp Randall to play Bucky. Do you think this is the way USC fans have gone into the last two years? (USC is probably doing this now after the couple of years they've had.) Besides Oklahoma, do you think Texas looks at any game on their schedule and says, "Man, I wish we could just skip them this year!" Miami? (Miami got real bad after this post.) How about Georgia? I want to start looking at the Wolverine's schedule and feel like Ohio St. is the only game we need to worry about, and even then, worry only slightly. (Hahahahahahaha. LMFAO! OMG! LOL! We need to worry about every effin game now. I was so stupid!) That is the feeling an elite college football team should have. (We are no longer an elite program in the Big Ten, let alone nationally!) I just haven't seen that from the Wolverines. I think my buddy Corey, a U of M grad student, put it best by saying, "One of the great subtleties of Michigan athletics seems to be the lack of a killer instinct; that'll keep you going to mediocre bowls for decades at a time but prevent outright dominance." (We haven't been to any bowls for two years now. That's "any" with a "zero".)
In this game, on this day, Michigan wins the Alamo Bowl. Nebraska sucks hard. (BTW- This Nebraska team sucked so hard they beat Michigan 32-28.) Ironically, eight years ago, this should have been the matchup for the National Championship. (Just so you know, in 2009 the Nebraska program is playing for the Big XII championship in 2 weeks while the Wolverines now have some down time.) Today, in 2005 it'll be an entry in the media guide that makes us look back in a few years and think, "What the hell happened that season?" (Yeah, I'm pretty sure the first 2 years of the Dick Rod (Rich Rodriguez) era will be much more embarrassing than the 2005 season. I asked my hetero-lifemate Grant after the Wisconsin game this year, "Will we see Michigan win another national championship in our lifetime?" His response was "Of course. But, no time soon." Well, they went damn near 50 years between the 1948 national championship team and the 1997 national championship team. I don't think this is a slam dunk. Charles Woodson and Brian Griese aren't walking through that door, son. Grant brought up that we were a close win against Indiana from going winless in the Big Ten this year. There seems to be no hope. So, my assessment going forward? The 2010 Wolverines win the Big Ten and play Alabama in the National Championship game. Wolverines win 21-17. HAIL TO THE VICTORS VALIENT!!!!!!!!!!!)
I'm finished,
Nate
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Going Bowling, Part Deux.
MasterCard Alamo Bowl, Dec. 28- San Antonio, TX
Michigan v. Nebraska
Needless to say, this is not where this season was supposed to end up for the maize and blue. I remember watching the Wolverines on Sept. 10 (when they were still in the top 5) as they tried to come back against Notre Dame and thinking, "Uh-oh. This team isn't as good as everyone thought." (This is exactly what I was thinking about 4 years later watching them lose to Iowa this year.) It also seems that they have a hard time coming back against anyone and always lose that game or two that they probably just shouldn't lose. (Two years later we lost to D-IAA Appalachian St. which people have been happily reminding me about since.) Granted, three out of the four teams they lost to this year (Wisconsin, Notre Dame, Ohio St.) (the crappy team they lost to was the "Fake U of M", Minnesota) were pretty darned good and they did beat the team that finished #3 in the BCS (Penn St.), but these were supposed to be wins when the season began (with the possible exception of OSU.) (Now, we say things like, "Well, we should beat Delaware St and the "Directional Michigan" schools we play this year. And, if they had played Central Michigan this year instead of Delaware St, they would've lost.)
It is hard to use the words "consistently mediocre" (I'd commit a misdemeanor for "mediocre" right about now) about a team that has won a national championship in the last decade (It's now been more than a decade) and a Big Ten title as recently as last year, but at some points that is how I feel about this team. Every year as a Wolverine fan, you just wait for the other shoe to drop (There has been nothing but shoes dropping the last couple of years). If we make it through the Notre Dame game, there is always the Ohio St game, provided we even make it through the Michigan St. game or when we go to Camp Randall to play Bucky. Do you think this is the way USC fans have gone into the last two years? (USC is probably doing this now after the couple of years they've had.) Besides Oklahoma, do you think Texas looks at any game on their schedule and says, "Man, I wish we could just skip them this year!" Miami? (Miami got real bad after this post.) How about Georgia? I want to start looking at the Wolverine's schedule and feel like Ohio St. is the only game we need to worry about, and even then, worry only slightly. (Hahahahahahaha. LMFAO! OMG! LOL! We need to worry about every effin game now. I was so stupid!) That is the feeling an elite college football team should have. (We are no longer an elite program in the Big Ten, let alone nationally!) I just haven't seen that from the Wolverines. I think my buddy Corey, a U of M grad student, put it best by saying, "One of the great subtleties of Michigan athletics seems to be the lack of a killer instinct; that'll keep you going to mediocre bowls for decades at a time but prevent outright dominance." (We haven't been to any bowls for two years now. That's "any" with a "zero".)
In this game, on this day, Michigan wins the Alamo Bowl. Nebraska sucks hard. (BTW- This Nebraska team sucked so hard they beat Michigan 32-28.) Ironically, eight years ago, this should have been the matchup for the National Championship. (Just so you know, in 2009 the Nebraska program is playing for the Big XII championship in 2 weeks while the Wolverines now have some down time.) Today, in 2005 it'll be an entry in the media guide that makes us look back in a few years and think, "What the hell happened that season?" (Yeah, I'm pretty sure the first 2 years of the Dick Rod (Rich Rodriguez) era will be much more embarrassing than the 2005 season. I asked my hetero-lifemate Grant after the Wisconsin game this year, "Will we see Michigan win another national championship in our lifetime?" His response was "Of course. But, no time soon." Well, they went damn near 50 years between the 1948 national championship team and the 1997 national championship team. I don't think this is a slam dunk. Charles Woodson and Brian Griese aren't walking through that door, son. Grant brought up that we were a close win against Indiana from going winless in the Big Ten this year. There seems to be no hope. So, my assessment going forward? The 2010 Wolverines win the Big Ten and play Alabama in the National Championship game. Wolverines win 21-17. HAIL TO THE VICTORS VALIENT!!!!!!!!!!!)
I'm finished,
Nate
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
You're Better Than That, Vol 4 & 5
As you know, I am not the biggest Sarah Palin fan. I feel that while she became Governor of a state (something which I will never do), she rarely has anything of substance to say.
That being said, I would at least like to think that a "news" magazine would not have a headline that reads in part "She's Bad News For The GOP - And For Everybody Else, Too."
Newsweek, aren't you better than that?
Palin angered by 'sexist' Newsweek cover
But also, Sarah? You really posed for that picture? Thought you were better than that, too.
That being said, I would at least like to think that a "news" magazine would not have a headline that reads in part "She's Bad News For The GOP - And For Everybody Else, Too."
Newsweek, aren't you better than that?
Palin angered by 'sexist' Newsweek cover
But also, Sarah? You really posed for that picture? Thought you were better than that, too.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Hey Ladies....
At times, when there is nothing good on sports talk and there is a long commercial break on 94.7 WZOR I will need to turn over to 101.1, which one could nickname "Miley Radio." The currently have in heavy rotation the latest song from Blu Cantrell. The problem is, the latest song from Blu Cantrell is "Hit Em Up Style", it's eight years old and is one of the most god damned annoying songs of all time. If I could ban songs from ever being played again, this stupid song would be right up there with "Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas.
Now, I'm all about bringing back old stuff if it's good, but seriously can we stop with the Blu Cantrell and bring back something better like:
Now, I'm all about bringing back old stuff if it's good, but seriously can we stop with the Blu Cantrell and bring back something better like:
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Baloon Boy Parents To Plead Guilty
Well, the jig as they say, is up for the creepy balloon boy hoax parents.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/12/balloon.boy.charges/index.html
Part of the reason the parents agreed to plea deals was the citizenship status of the mother Mayumi Heene. That makes sense. The indignation of the family's lawyers certainly does not make sense.
Um, you're damn right. These parents screwed up and tried to make a little kid lie to Wolf Blitzer so that the parents (not the family, the parents) could maybe get a reality TV show. They are lucky to still have kids. You just said yourself that if they risked going to court for a felony she can get deported. You want to take that risk? Maybe you want them to just not be charged with anything at all. Seeing as your client has already come out and said it was a hoax (that cost taxpayers a couple mil), these prosecutors are throwing you a absolute, gift wrapped bone here by allowing a plea and not nailing your ass to the wall. Where does this indignation that this plea is somehow bad for the welfare of the children come from, you prick? I think it is well within law enforcement's right to threaten someone with deportation if they VERY CLEARLY ADMIT TO BREAKING THE LAW and the DA wants to avoid a pain in the ass (albeit a slam dunk pain in the ass) trial.
So, sorry, balloon parents. You won't get media coverage of a trial either, which I'm sure you would've loved.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/12/balloon.boy.charges/index.html
Part of the reason the parents agreed to plea deals was the citizenship status of the mother Mayumi Heene. That makes sense. The indignation of the family's lawyers certainly does not make sense.
The threat of deportation for Mayumi Heene was a factor in the plea deal negotiation, the attorney's statement said.
"Mayumi Heene is a citizen of Japan. As such, any felony conviction or certain misdemeanors would result in her deportation, even though her husband and children are Americans," the statement said.
"It is supremely ironic that law enforcement has expressed such grave concern over the welfare of the children, but it was ultimately the threat of taking the children's mother from the family and deporting her to Japan which fueled this deal."
Um, you're damn right. These parents screwed up and tried to make a little kid lie to Wolf Blitzer so that the parents (not the family, the parents) could maybe get a reality TV show. They are lucky to still have kids. You just said yourself that if they risked going to court for a felony she can get deported. You want to take that risk? Maybe you want them to just not be charged with anything at all. Seeing as your client has already come out and said it was a hoax (that cost taxpayers a couple mil), these prosecutors are throwing you a absolute, gift wrapped bone here by allowing a plea and not nailing your ass to the wall. Where does this indignation that this plea is somehow bad for the welfare of the children come from, you prick? I think it is well within law enforcement's right to threaten someone with deportation if they VERY CLEARLY ADMIT TO BREAKING THE LAW and the DA wants to avoid a pain in the ass (albeit a slam dunk pain in the ass) trial.
So, sorry, balloon parents. You won't get media coverage of a trial either, which I'm sure you would've loved.
Monday, November 09, 2009
Randomness, Vol 13
Just a short one. Been busy lately overseeing my white blood cells do battle with an invading cold army.
Well, 'multi-platimum' (I think we're taking his word on that) singer/songwriter Ray J is back for another season of "For the Love of Ray J." The beginning of this season shows him flying in a Gulfstream, landing on the tarmac to get into an expensive Italian sports car that eventually pulls up at an opulent mansion. The scene is interspersed with Ray J explaining that with his hectic schedule, it's hard to find love. Couple of things: a) How sad do you think he's going to be when vh1 takes the car, mansion and use of the jet back? b) You have such a busy schedule but yet you have time to film 12 episodes of a reality dating show!?!? c) How many more fake "For the Love of..." type shows do we need, for the love of Christ?!?! This must be catering to an entirely different demographic than the one I hang with.
And I thought the Miss California story couldn't get any more effed up. Read this web address, it pretty much sums this whole story up (do read it, though.) - http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/11/05/2009-11-05_carrie_prejean_sex_tape_forced_exmiss_californias_lawsuit_settlement_report_.html
It's almost a decade later, do we still need to be on guard about that Y2K thing?
At the height of its popularity back in 2002, "That 70s Show" spawned a little known spinoff called "That 80s Show." It was just a classic example of having one concept that is good and popular and trying to take it one step too far. On a related note, Activision just recently came out with DJ Hero and Band Hero.
Shouldn't a lawsuit seeking over $1 trillion in damages just be automatically thrown out on grounds of ridiculousness?
Hey, Pink? If your attitude is such that most of your songs are about how men are a bunch of immature D Bags, should you really be surprised when you have relationship problems? I don't want to point fingers here, but...
I don't know what this Christmas Carol story is all about, but if it's got Jim Carrey in it, it's got to be great. When have you steered me wrong (Eternal Sunshine, Lemony Snicket's, The Truman Show, The Number 23 and Fun with Dick and Jane excluded.)
I don't think I heard one Jon & Kate story this week. Glorious.
Bryan Fischer, the director of Issues Analysis (what an outstanding ambiguous title) for the American Family Association has a simple solution for stopping violence like what happened in Ft Hood, TX. The alleged shooter was Muslim so, very simply, kick all Muslims out of the military. At least until Muslims, quote, "invent a jihadi-detector that works every time it's used." Yeah, how about nobody starts work on a "jihadi-detector" until we figure out why our counter-terrorism officials may have intercepted communications between the shooter and a radical Muslim spiritual leader and didn't do anything about it? It's not like this guy was in the general population, you mean to tell me someone from the CIA couldn't have contacted his C.O. to arrange an interview to discuss his future in the military? So yes, Brian Fischer, it may end up that the fact that this soldier was Muslim was the biggest reason for this rampage. I am actually more appalled if the true is there may have been hints of this before it happened that were ignored. A main justification for this proposed ban are that "Christianity is a religion of peace... Islam is a religion of war and violence..." So, the assholes that bomb and shoot up abortion clinic doctors... were they just out sick on that "religion of peace" day? But maybe your plan isn't ambitious enough. Why limit it to Muslims in the military? Let's just bring back concentration camps like we had in W.W.II! That wasn't a black eye in American history that I'm gonna love to explain to my kids someday. You say the military is "about being ready to break things and kill people so that Americans can sleep securely in their beds at night." Well, you obviously don't sleep very securely with people around who follow the Muslim religion... oh, I see where this is headed...
Seriously though, just a terrible terrible thing that went down last week.
I'm finished,
Nate
Well, 'multi-platimum' (I think we're taking his word on that) singer/songwriter Ray J is back for another season of "For the Love of Ray J." The beginning of this season shows him flying in a Gulfstream, landing on the tarmac to get into an expensive Italian sports car that eventually pulls up at an opulent mansion. The scene is interspersed with Ray J explaining that with his hectic schedule, it's hard to find love. Couple of things: a) How sad do you think he's going to be when vh1 takes the car, mansion and use of the jet back? b) You have such a busy schedule but yet you have time to film 12 episodes of a reality dating show!?!? c) How many more fake "For the Love of..." type shows do we need, for the love of Christ?!?! This must be catering to an entirely different demographic than the one I hang with.
And I thought the Miss California story couldn't get any more effed up. Read this web address, it pretty much sums this whole story up (do read it, though.) - http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/11/05/2009-11-05_carrie_prejean_sex_tape_forced_exmiss_californias_lawsuit_settlement_report_.html
It's almost a decade later, do we still need to be on guard about that Y2K thing?
At the height of its popularity back in 2002, "That 70s Show" spawned a little known spinoff called "That 80s Show." It was just a classic example of having one concept that is good and popular and trying to take it one step too far. On a related note, Activision just recently came out with DJ Hero and Band Hero.
Shouldn't a lawsuit seeking over $1 trillion in damages just be automatically thrown out on grounds of ridiculousness?
Hey, Pink? If your attitude is such that most of your songs are about how men are a bunch of immature D Bags, should you really be surprised when you have relationship problems? I don't want to point fingers here, but...
I don't know what this Christmas Carol story is all about, but if it's got Jim Carrey in it, it's got to be great. When have you steered me wrong (Eternal Sunshine, Lemony Snicket's, The Truman Show, The Number 23 and Fun with Dick and Jane excluded.)
I don't think I heard one Jon & Kate story this week. Glorious.
Bryan Fischer, the director of Issues Analysis (what an outstanding ambiguous title) for the American Family Association has a simple solution for stopping violence like what happened in Ft Hood, TX. The alleged shooter was Muslim so, very simply, kick all Muslims out of the military. At least until Muslims, quote, "invent a jihadi-detector that works every time it's used." Yeah, how about nobody starts work on a "jihadi-detector" until we figure out why our counter-terrorism officials may have intercepted communications between the shooter and a radical Muslim spiritual leader and didn't do anything about it? It's not like this guy was in the general population, you mean to tell me someone from the CIA couldn't have contacted his C.O. to arrange an interview to discuss his future in the military? So yes, Brian Fischer, it may end up that the fact that this soldier was Muslim was the biggest reason for this rampage. I am actually more appalled if the true is there may have been hints of this before it happened that were ignored. A main justification for this proposed ban are that "Christianity is a religion of peace... Islam is a religion of war and violence..." So, the assholes that bomb and shoot up abortion clinic doctors... were they just out sick on that "religion of peace" day? But maybe your plan isn't ambitious enough. Why limit it to Muslims in the military? Let's just bring back concentration camps like we had in W.W.II! That wasn't a black eye in American history that I'm gonna love to explain to my kids someday. You say the military is "about being ready to break things and kill people so that Americans can sleep securely in their beds at night." Well, you obviously don't sleep very securely with people around who follow the Muslim religion... oh, I see where this is headed...
Seriously though, just a terrible terrible thing that went down last week.
I'm finished,
Nate
Friday, November 06, 2009
"Grey Mucus... Awesome."
So, my big accomplishment this week was fighting through a pretty bad cold while not missing any work. The fun started with a little tickle in my throat on Monday and peaked as I was in bed, under my winter quilt, with a space heater going full bore right next to me, watching "Parks and Recreation" and thinking "Hey, Amy Poehler isn't that terrible" (that must have been the Sudafed talking.) An hour later? Quilt is off, space heater's turned off and the window's cracked to let some cold night air in. You want to make up your mind, cold riddled body?
Speaking of Sudafed, what a lovely drug that is, right? You got a runny nose? Well, we've got a drug that will make your nose Mojave level dry and painfully itchy while giving your brain and the rest of your body the functioning capacity of a DVD player trying to read VHS tapes. Take the red pill if you want to continue.
Speaking of Sudafed, what a lovely drug that is, right? You got a runny nose? Well, we've got a drug that will make your nose Mojave level dry and painfully itchy while giving your brain and the rest of your body the functioning capacity of a DVD player trying to read VHS tapes. Take the red pill if you want to continue.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Daylight Savings Time
I usually wait at least 5 or 6 days to change my clocks back in the fall. I love the feeling of waking up in morning, looking at the clock and thinking, "Oh, man! I'm gonna be late!" and then a few seconds later thinking, "Nevermind, I can go back to sleep for a little bit." Or, when I get home from the gym after work... OK, ya got me... when I get home from Cheyenne's Bar and Grill after work and think, "Crap, I missed the first half of NCIS! Oh, wait. Nope. Still have a half hour to go. Whew." Eventually, I'll update all my clocks, but for a little while, it's kinda neat to live in a world with extra time and I recommend that everyone try it.
Monday, November 02, 2009
Welcome!
For those of you who came over here via facebook, I still plan to post the Randomness, You're Better Than That and 35% of Your Daily Sodium on fb. In addition here, I will be posting more quick hitter things that I can't justify doing as a note on your facebook wall, clogging up your newsfeed.
Also, feel free to take a look back at this kid's older posts, and if you think that what I have to say is funny or has merit, please, by all means pass the address on to a friend, coworker, douche bag you see surfing the web on his Blackberry while driving, etc...
callmehoss.blogspot.com
Late.....
Also, feel free to take a look back at this kid's older posts, and if you think that what I have to say is funny or has merit, please, by all means pass the address on to a friend, coworker, douche bag you see surfing the web on his Blackberry while driving, etc...
callmehoss.blogspot.com
Late.....
35% Of Your Daily Sodium - October 2009
Once again, as a service to you, I've jotted down some brief thoughts on the prepackaged meals I happened to eat last month. That's good eatin'.
Oct 05, 2009 - Michelina's Shrimp Fried Rice - I had to break my "Never buy anything that costs less than $2 and involves seafood unless you are in a third world Asian nation where $2 is a weeks pay" Rule for this one. Not bad, actually. As far as shrimp quotient is concerned, I finally found out where all of the shrimp that are too small to qualify as salad shrimp go, but with a price tag of 2 for $3, it met my low expectations.
Oct 13, 2009 - Orv's Beef Pasty - This thing has two strikes against it from jump street. a) It's a pasty that is not made in the U.P. b) It's made by Orv's, the company that produces some of the most repugnant oven bake pizza I've ever had. So obviously, this is going to be terrible. Got a couple of bites in and realized... it wasn't that bad. At 6oz, it is embarrassingly small and nowhere near the quality of St. Charles, Jean Kay's, Dobber's, or even the Pasty Koop here in Appleton. That being said, I can see another couple of Orv's Beef Pasties in my future (if other options are not available, of course.)
Oct 14, 2009 - Swanson's Roasted Carved Turkey - Swanson's claims to have invented the TV Dinner back in 1954. Apparently since then, much like the Hardee's chain, they've scoffed in the face of the healthy eating movement with classic offerings such as Salisbury steak, boneless fried chicken, fried chicken strips and fried Salisbury steak w/ fried carrots. OK, I made that last one up, but I wouldn't put it past 'em. The turkey in this dish is so thin, I'm assuming it was "carved" with a deli meat slicer and the stuffing tasted about what you'd expect microwaved bread crumbs to taste like, but in the end, it wasn't all that bad. A solid B - to C+.
Oct 15, 2009 - Campbell's Select Harvest Mexican-Style Chicken Tortilla soup - The soup was good, but the commercials for these Select Harvest soups are outstanding. They basically criticize all of the artificial flavorings and chemicals that are in "other" soups. You mean "other" soups like everything else that you sell, Campbell's? It's like saying, "Good thing you're eating this, because the rest of our soups are straight up garbage, yo."
Oct 16, 2009 - Campbell's Select Harvest Savory Chicken with Vegetables soup - If I went back in time to talk to my great great great grandparents, two things would be certain: 1) My great great great grandfather would look a lot like either me or Michael J Fox. 2) They'd want me to be burned as a heretic when I told them I 'made' soup for lunch and it only took 3 1/2 minutes.
Oct 20, 2009 - Healthy Choice Sweet Asian Potstickers - Truth be told, I had no idea what a "potsticker" was when I bought this (I'm relatively certain you as the reader are looking it up on Wikipedia right now.) I'll sum this up in a haiku:
No like whole grain rice
Potstickers way too bland
Will not buy again
Oct 21, 2009 - La Preferida Spanish Rice w/ Bell Peppers & Onions - I almost wish we lived in a world without "Best if used by" dates. Then I could avoid situations in which I talk myself into taking a can of spanish rice that's about to go bad to work and calling it "lunch." Just a terrible decision by the kid. 'Preferida' is of course Spanish for 'favorite.' Based on the quality, I assume they mean 'favorite' like, "Ball St (0-7) is a four point 'favorite' at Eastern Michigan (0-6) this weekend."
Sunday, October 25, 2009
You're Better Than That, Vol 3
I had dinner Saturday night in the atrium of famed Lambeau Field at Curley's Pub. There was a group of 10 (3 couples and 4 singles) getting ourselves some dinner before heading over to the Resch Center for some Green Bay Gamblers hockey (they won 3-0.) Our waitress Liz came over to the table to take drink orders. That's when everything went horribly, horribly wrong.
Liz asked us for our drink orders and brought them out promptly. Then dinner orders commenced. I found it odd that she didn't ask if the bill was to be split up in some way, but I thought, "Well they can do that when we are ready to pay." No biggie.
I had mac and cheese. Some of the best mac and cheese I've ever had. I'd recommend going and having it at least once in your life, but I can't. Thanks for effing that up, Liz. Read on...
First of all, she had someone else bring the food out and we spent a good 5 minutes telling him which plate went to which patron. Not that uncommon, but kind of annoying. Homegirl Angie's food wasn't even brought out, so they had to go back in the kitchen to actually complete the order. Once again, it happens.
Then it comes time to pay the check. Liz brings the bill over. (Going forward, I swear to God that this is a decent facisimile of what she said and did. You may think I'm embellishing, but I and the people with me can assure you that I am not.) She says, "YOu can figure out the bill now." and DROPS IT in the middle of the table from about 10 inches above the table. We all look at each other. Some folks have debit cards. Some have cash. None of us have $190 of disposable income available to cover the tab for everyone.
We ask Liz to split the bill.
"We can't. It's a real annoyance to us to put everything on seperate bills. So, someone will have to pay it and then you can all figure it out later."
We let Liz know that we need to have this split up on seperate bills.
"I'm not even sure we can do that on our computer system. I'll see if it's even possible."
At this point, all of us are thinking, "Are you kidding us?" I'm done calling her "Liz."
The solution that Spawn of Satan came up with was (I'm not kidding), "Can you all just pay $19 a piece." We let Sexually Frustrated Divorcee know that we all had meals of varying cost and some had more drinks than others. "Do you really need this bill split up?" I think this may have been accompanied by an eye roll, but my eyes had kind of half glazed over with rage at this point.
Trying With The Makeup But Not Working comes back and lets us know that "When I take the orders, I don't even need to remember who orders what. If you want this split up, you're going to have to go through this print out and tell me what each bill should have on it." I AM NOT EXAGURRATING HERE, I SWEAR TO GOD!! It adds, "For future reference, we don't allow people to split up bills. It's just too hard for the waitstaff."
So, we are at the table, (I am not joking) adding up our own bills. I just payed $9 for mac and cheese, and now I have to help add up my own bill. This takes approximately 15 minutes.
Should Not Be In The Service Industry In Any Capacity reiterates, "For future reference, we don't do this. You're lucky its not busier, or we wouldn't be able to do this." You don't split checks? You see a group of 10 people and assume that one person is paying? Really? And you think I'm actually ever eating here again? Are you high? She slithers over one more time to let us know that we didn't account for two sandwiches. Not surprisingly, this was The Crypt Keeper's mistake, not ours. We were then finally able to leave to go over to the game. I made damn sure that when I ordered a beer from the concessions that I was very clear that I wanted this on a seperate bill and that I wasn't paying for the beers of everyone in line and we would figure it out later amongst ourselves.
Bottom line, I have never been so insulted by someone in the service industry. This includes an episode at the Shell gas station in Manistique, MI when a cashier rang up my items while on a phone call that was obviously personal in nature and POINTED at the amount I owed without even breaking stride in the phone conversation. Should Maybe Be A Busdriver And Not A Waitress has now knocked that one from the #1 spot of sucktitude.
So, to Curly's Pub in the Lambeau Field Atrium, I would say, "You're better than that." But if this is the kind of waitstaff that you employ and tolerate, maybe you're not.
Liz asked us for our drink orders and brought them out promptly. Then dinner orders commenced. I found it odd that she didn't ask if the bill was to be split up in some way, but I thought, "Well they can do that when we are ready to pay." No biggie.
I had mac and cheese. Some of the best mac and cheese I've ever had. I'd recommend going and having it at least once in your life, but I can't. Thanks for effing that up, Liz. Read on...
First of all, she had someone else bring the food out and we spent a good 5 minutes telling him which plate went to which patron. Not that uncommon, but kind of annoying. Homegirl Angie's food wasn't even brought out, so they had to go back in the kitchen to actually complete the order. Once again, it happens.
Then it comes time to pay the check. Liz brings the bill over. (Going forward, I swear to God that this is a decent facisimile of what she said and did. You may think I'm embellishing, but I and the people with me can assure you that I am not.) She says, "YOu can figure out the bill now." and DROPS IT in the middle of the table from about 10 inches above the table. We all look at each other. Some folks have debit cards. Some have cash. None of us have $190 of disposable income available to cover the tab for everyone.
We ask Liz to split the bill.
"We can't. It's a real annoyance to us to put everything on seperate bills. So, someone will have to pay it and then you can all figure it out later."
We let Liz know that we need to have this split up on seperate bills.
"I'm not even sure we can do that on our computer system. I'll see if it's even possible."
At this point, all of us are thinking, "Are you kidding us?" I'm done calling her "Liz."
The solution that Spawn of Satan came up with was (I'm not kidding), "Can you all just pay $19 a piece." We let Sexually Frustrated Divorcee know that we all had meals of varying cost and some had more drinks than others. "Do you really need this bill split up?" I think this may have been accompanied by an eye roll, but my eyes had kind of half glazed over with rage at this point.
Trying With The Makeup But Not Working comes back and lets us know that "When I take the orders, I don't even need to remember who orders what. If you want this split up, you're going to have to go through this print out and tell me what each bill should have on it." I AM NOT EXAGURRATING HERE, I SWEAR TO GOD!! It adds, "For future reference, we don't allow people to split up bills. It's just too hard for the waitstaff."
So, we are at the table, (I am not joking) adding up our own bills. I just payed $9 for mac and cheese, and now I have to help add up my own bill. This takes approximately 15 minutes.
Should Not Be In The Service Industry In Any Capacity reiterates, "For future reference, we don't do this. You're lucky its not busier, or we wouldn't be able to do this." You don't split checks? You see a group of 10 people and assume that one person is paying? Really? And you think I'm actually ever eating here again? Are you high? She slithers over one more time to let us know that we didn't account for two sandwiches. Not surprisingly, this was The Crypt Keeper's mistake, not ours. We were then finally able to leave to go over to the game. I made damn sure that when I ordered a beer from the concessions that I was very clear that I wanted this on a seperate bill and that I wasn't paying for the beers of everyone in line and we would figure it out later amongst ourselves.
Bottom line, I have never been so insulted by someone in the service industry. This includes an episode at the Shell gas station in Manistique, MI when a cashier rang up my items while on a phone call that was obviously personal in nature and POINTED at the amount I owed without even breaking stride in the phone conversation. Should Maybe Be A Busdriver And Not A Waitress has now knocked that one from the #1 spot of sucktitude.
So, to Curly's Pub in the Lambeau Field Atrium, I would say, "You're better than that." But if this is the kind of waitstaff that you employ and tolerate, maybe you're not.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Randomness, Vol 12
We had a big scare this week when a kid reportedly took off in a hot air balloon. Initially I thought, "That's what happens when you play 'Grand Theft Balloon' for PlayStation 3 too much. You steal the first one you come across. Next thing you know, you're beating up a hooker." Thankfully, the kid never took the balloon and was safe and sound.
Jeff Dunham will be bringing his trunk filled with dummies to his new show on Comedy Central, debuting Oct. 22. Finally, someone is satiating the American public's voracious appetite for ventriloquism!
So, I'm 29 years old now, and all of a sudden, every kids movie is in digital hi-def and 3-D. Awesome. THIS COULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED WHEN I WAS 9 YEARS OLD?!?! Yeah, because I wouldn't have wanted to see "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" in 3-D. A kid in the middle of a giant Cheerio coming out of the screen at me? That wouldn't have been freaking awesome at all.
A man was arrested in Pennsylvania for breaking into a house. Cops were able to track him down because he logged into his Facebook account at the house and forgot to log out. I hope finding out that someone has a pink cow available for adoption on Farmville is worth the jail time, ya knucklehead.
The National Parks: America's Best Idea, a documentary by Ken Burns, was some of the most interesting and informative TV I've seen in a long time.
I only barely get the reason that Jim Beam and Jack Daniel's flavored barbecue sauces are available. Budweiser flavored barbecue sauce? I mean, I like beer. And I like barbecue sauce. And I like beer. (Did I already say that?) I'm not convinced that they are two great tastes that go great together. I'll let this one slide, but if I ever go into the store and see an Olde English 800 Malt Liquor barbecue sauce, I'm throwing every bottle of it in a trash can and lighting it on fire with a bottle of nail polish remover from the health and beauty aisle.
A part time census worker in rural Kentucky was bound, gagged and hanged with the word "FED" written on his chest. Couple of things: A) The Bluegrass State is making a strong play to become the site of an "Escape from New York type" prison, in which we just build a 50 foot concrete wall around the whole state and throw in our worst criminals to fend for themselves. What've we got to lose, besides people that kill census workers because they equate them to "feds?" B) Some of the conservative media responses to this story have been downright heinous. I'll let you read them for yourselves. Hey, Dan Riehl? Maybe you shouldn't write stuff anymore if you're going to call a guy who adopts a male child a possible "gay child predator" with no proof. Just a thought.
You've gotta love TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress." Nothing like seeing someone buy a dress for the approximate cost of a 2010 Toyota Camry to make you feel good about the fact that you're hoping your energy bill for next month isn't too high.
I think I speak for everyone who has watched TV on a regular basis for the past decade or so when I say, "They're still making new episodes of One Tree Hill?"
I'm sure that in the limited time that Barack Obama has had his office and the public eye in general, he's done enough to deserve a Nobel Peace Prize. Also, I'm sure Forrest Gump deserved to win an Oscar for Best Picture over Pulp Fiction and Shawshank Redemption. To be fair, in 1994 the Peace Prize was shared by Yasser Arafat, Shimon Peres and the late Yitzhak Rabin for fixing that Middle East peace problem. So, maybe it's not a prize that actually requires results after all.
I think it's ridiculous that virtually every travel guide for cities will tell you to visit the farmer's market if they have a famous one. Like I'm gonna go to Los Angeles and get some lettuce to take home with me. Is it even legal to take vegetables across state lines?
Where the hell did the term "Fashion Police" come from? Is it simply that someone should be arrested for doing something offensive (but not illegal) and if that thing happens to be wearing something aesthetically offensive, the "Fashion Police" should be called? Are there other faux police forces that we could report people to?
Nate
Jeff Dunham will be bringing his trunk filled with dummies to his new show on Comedy Central, debuting Oct. 22. Finally, someone is satiating the American public's voracious appetite for ventriloquism!
So, I'm 29 years old now, and all of a sudden, every kids movie is in digital hi-def and 3-D. Awesome. THIS COULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED WHEN I WAS 9 YEARS OLD?!?! Yeah, because I wouldn't have wanted to see "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" in 3-D. A kid in the middle of a giant Cheerio coming out of the screen at me? That wouldn't have been freaking awesome at all.
A man was arrested in Pennsylvania for breaking into a house. Cops were able to track him down because he logged into his Facebook account at the house and forgot to log out. I hope finding out that someone has a pink cow available for adoption on Farmville is worth the jail time, ya knucklehead.
The National Parks: America's Best Idea, a documentary by Ken Burns, was some of the most interesting and informative TV I've seen in a long time.
I only barely get the reason that Jim Beam and Jack Daniel's flavored barbecue sauces are available. Budweiser flavored barbecue sauce? I mean, I like beer. And I like barbecue sauce. And I like beer. (Did I already say that?) I'm not convinced that they are two great tastes that go great together. I'll let this one slide, but if I ever go into the store and see an Olde English 800 Malt Liquor barbecue sauce, I'm throwing every bottle of it in a trash can and lighting it on fire with a bottle of nail polish remover from the health and beauty aisle.
A part time census worker in rural Kentucky was bound, gagged and hanged with the word "FED" written on his chest. Couple of things: A) The Bluegrass State is making a strong play to become the site of an "Escape from New York type" prison, in which we just build a 50 foot concrete wall around the whole state and throw in our worst criminals to fend for themselves. What've we got to lose, besides people that kill census workers because they equate them to "feds?" B) Some of the conservative media responses to this story have been downright heinous. I'll let you read them for yourselves. Hey, Dan Riehl? Maybe you shouldn't write stuff anymore if you're going to call a guy who adopts a male child a possible "gay child predator" with no proof. Just a thought.
You've gotta love TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress." Nothing like seeing someone buy a dress for the approximate cost of a 2010 Toyota Camry to make you feel good about the fact that you're hoping your energy bill for next month isn't too high.
I think I speak for everyone who has watched TV on a regular basis for the past decade or so when I say, "They're still making new episodes of One Tree Hill?"
I'm sure that in the limited time that Barack Obama has had his office and the public eye in general, he's done enough to deserve a Nobel Peace Prize. Also, I'm sure Forrest Gump deserved to win an Oscar for Best Picture over Pulp Fiction and Shawshank Redemption. To be fair, in 1994 the Peace Prize was shared by Yasser Arafat, Shimon Peres and the late Yitzhak Rabin for fixing that Middle East peace problem. So, maybe it's not a prize that actually requires results after all.
I think it's ridiculous that virtually every travel guide for cities will tell you to visit the farmer's market if they have a famous one. Like I'm gonna go to Los Angeles and get some lettuce to take home with me. Is it even legal to take vegetables across state lines?
Where the hell did the term "Fashion Police" come from? Is it simply that someone should be arrested for doing something offensive (but not illegal) and if that thing happens to be wearing something aesthetically offensive, the "Fashion Police" should be called? Are there other faux police forces that we could report people to?
- "Kanye, we are going to call the Tact Police on you!"
- "Am I going to have to call the Fidelity Police on you, Republican Party?"
- "The Gratitude Police just put out an APB for Megan Fox."
- "Mary Kate and Ashley... actually, we are going to call those Fashion Police on you. Those outfits are pretty hideous."
- "Oh Michael Moore, you rascal! You better get out of here before the Watchability Police show up!"
- "Chris Brown, someone should call the police on you. Like, the real police. Pretty sure beating girls up is a felony."
Nate
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