Randomness, Vol 6

A little while back I saw a "Dateline" episode that dealt with consumer complaints. One of their first hot tips was "Avoid talking to people in Customer Service, they are basically useless. Go over their heads." On behalf of all of the people I worked with in customer service over the last 6 years, I'd like to say, "Eff you, Dateline!" Surprisingly, that wasn't my biggest problem with the show. Some of the people had some legitimate gripes, to be sure. But then there was "Mattress Lady." Mattress Lady was trying to get Serta to send her a new bed, because she had only had her's for a couple of months and the incline feature (or something) didn't work. That's fair. Serta had been stonewalling her, though. Poor form, Serta. After she wrote a letter to the president of the company, the heartless bastards at Serta wrote her a letter back, explaining that they would not replace the bed because she had bought a floor model which was sold "as is." Wait, WHAT!?!?!? Are you familiar with what "as is" means, Mattress Lady!? It means if you have problems with it, tough shit! That's why you get the flippin "as is" discount on it! She later received a replacement bed after NBC wrote a letter to Serta as well (mentioning the fact they were going to skewer the company on national TV, I'm sure.) So what you're saying is that my best bet for getting something out of a consumer complaint is to have Ann Curry or Stone Phillips write a letter to the company? Thanks for the practical advice, Dateline! Why don't you go blow up another pickup...

Can I interest you in Veramyst nasal spray? It treats seasonal allergy symptoms with just a few side effects, including possible glaucoma. How bad would your allergies need to be to risk GOING BLIND?!?!? "Well on the bright side, I can breathe without too much trouble now, and my eyes that I can't see out of anymore aren't itchy!" he said to the lamp, while he fired up some pharmaceutical kush.

Some of you already know this, but I HATE "heavyweight title fight" analogies. "This Sunday at the Masters was a heavyweight title fight between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson." Um, NO IT WASN'T! It was a good round of golf, you morons! Two guys dropping the gloves in hockey, that might be acceptable, but golf? NO! We got a different gem the other night from the good people at Vs., where a faceoff in the Detroit/Pittsburgh game was referred to as being "like a 40 yard dash." You mean the footrace? That 40 yard dash? That is somehow like two hockey players swiping at a dropped puck to determine possession? Got it.

The upcoming movie "The Proposal" ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjtLXe7KMMc ) features Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds as an executive and her assistant who can't stand each other, but are forced to fake an engagement so that she doesn't get deported back to her country of origin (it was either Canada or Honduras, I can't remember.) I mean these two really DO NOT like each other. Looks so booooorring. It'd be nice if they threw a curveball at us like if the two of them found out that they actually like each other and fall in love by the end of the flick. Wouldn't that blow your mind?!?! Maybe they could learn things about each other that make them realize they aren't so different after all. Maybe they could even take a trip back to his hometown, where she will be COMPLETELY out of her element. I'm just spitballing some new ideas here, people! This 'behind the scenes' clip is pretty funny, actually: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q5dchmKr18&feature=channel

Because we don't listen to Internet radio at work anymore, I've been pulling a lot of old CDs out of the woodwork. The latest revival is my favorite rap album of all time, "Doggystyle" by the one and only Snoop Doggy Dogg. He has a track featuring "Lil Malik aka Lil Hershey Loc". I have no idea how many people that is. I think it's the same person that for some reason couldn't get by on one 'Lil' nickname. For me, that was the golden era of hip hop / rap, right up until the point that 2Pac died and Master P started taking a dump on the genre. The stuff today is even worse. I never thought I would say, "Man, this stuff is worse than the Ying Yang Twins." Never.

Speaking of CDs, remember when everyone made "Enhanced CDs" like, you'd put the CD in your CD-ROM drive on your personal computer and then a program would start to automatically install for 20 minutes and then you would have access to music videos from the album and band bios and a bunch of other stuff you can find on the Internet now in under 30 seconds? Yeah, it's great when you pop one of those babies into your work computer and all of a sudden you're basically trying to install unauthorized software. If I'm ever fired for doing something against company policy on the computer, it better not be because I installed the enhanced features of the No Doubt "Tragic Kingdom" CD, OK? Just sayin'.

NATHAN TALKS TO FAMOUS PEOPLE:
Marilyn Manson has a new song. Yep, THAT Marilyn Manson. Name of the track? "Arma-Godd**n-MotherF**kin

-Geddon":

"Hey there, Marilyn? Yeah, double M. Over here. We're all gonna need you to go away for a while. And by a while, I mean, like forever. You can take your makeup with you, but we need you out by the end of the month. I don't want to see you come back with that suit with the fake boobs or drinking blood or any of that shit. And if you didn't come up with the name for your new song, find the guy that did, and take him with you... or shoot him. Up to you. Thanks, homey."

Finally, I leave you with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUm8Bzk-BvU
(Fast forward to the 3:10 mark. What in the hell is he screaming like that for? Who actually greenlighted him to do that in a song that was played in pretty heavy radio rotation? Love your stuff, Enrique. But, damn.)

I'm finished,
Nate