Remember the days when you thought there were great jobs out there? Here's one that I always thought I could try out for, if starting lineman for the Chicago Bears (my old favorite team) fell through: thug for rich villians. Every good villian in the movies always has at least 5 - 10 thugs hanging around. In fact there is a character in the cast of the immortal saloon epic "Road House" named Jimmy, Wesley's No. 1 Thug, played of course by Newport, Tennessee's own Marshall R. Teague, in a typical Marshall R. Teague role. These guys hang around all day at the boss's mansion, just waiting for something bad to happen. And it always does. Their boss messes with some innocent good hearted people, then Chuck Norris usually comes in and just beats the living piss out of these dudes with various forms of slow motion martial arts moves. They rarely get killed (or take more than one punch), get to hang out at a mansion, and wear cool Miami Vice-esque clothes. I wanted that job.
(Speaking of Chuck Norris, how did he not get the part of Dalton in "Road House?" Casting agents are sitting around thinking, "OK, we need a semi-wooden actor, must be a bad ass and good at magically turning love scenes into painfully awkward moments." If that doesn't describe Chuck Norris in "Walker Texas Ranger" I don't know what the heck does! Instead, they take Patrick "Just Did Dirty Dancing" Swayze. You gotta be kidding me.)
Sadly, a quick search on monster.com for "personal assistant," cross referenced with "weapons training" and "pink shirts" yeilded no results. Of course, there's no opening for "swimsuit model masseuse" or "late sleeping Playstation operator", either. Damn.
If you all want to check out something wicked cool, the trailer for the movie "Blade: Trinity" was posted on its website www.bladetrinity.com last week. My boy Ryan Reynolds plays a badass vampire hunter named Hannibal King. The thing looks off the chain.
Gotta try to get the Gutlass switched over with some new Wisconsin plates and hopefully a new Wisconsin driver's license for yours truly tomorrow. Six days until the city of CHI and a lot to do.
I'm finished.
Nate
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2 comments:
Oh come on Nate, there are plenty of good jobs out there for you. It would be nice to be a critic. Movie critic, food critic, video game critic, etc. And someone has to shoot those pictures for Playboy, right? And there's always stay at home dad. Don't give up! =) I'm still holding out for my job judging rodeos consisting of hot, half naked men riding beautiful horses in sunny Santo Domingo. I know the call is coming.
In response to your comment about phone voices: Do they not realize that they are doing it? Also, I only lasted at Range 1 week. I was no good at answering phones. :( *sigh*
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