Keep an eye out for the new natehoss.com, coming soon!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Saturday, July 03, 2010
One Week Remaining!
One week until my first real show in Beloit with Krains Butter!!!
Ran through the set last night. Went about 43 minutes, which is about what I'm looking for. Plan of attack for today is to brave Wal Mart for some grillin stuff for tomorrow and then run the set a few more times. Later, I'm going to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and smoke in a bar for quite possibly the last time (Wisconsin goes smoke free on Tuesday.) So, I've got to get on that, here is my set from last week (and yes, I fall on my face.)
I'm finished,
Nate
Ran through the set last night. Went about 43 minutes, which is about what I'm looking for. Plan of attack for today is to brave Wal Mart for some grillin stuff for tomorrow and then run the set a few more times. Later, I'm going to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and smoke in a bar for quite possibly the last time (Wisconsin goes smoke free on Tuesday.) So, I've got to get on that, here is my set from last week (and yes, I fall on my face.)
I'm finished,
Nate
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day or in the future probably "One of the days I get visitation."
Went out to the show at Comedy Quarter last night. Nate Ford, Averell Carter and Michael Mack all showed up. The crowd? Not so much. It was like pulling teeth up there. Mack even called out the audience at one point saying he'd been to funerals that were more lively. I'm sure the crowd would have been offended, but that would require too much work. They really were just in full flatline.
Had breakfast out at Charcoal Grill this morning with Nate, Averell and my girl Ashley. Always love the breakfast buffet they put on out there. Talked a little comedy and then went home and napped for an hour. Now, for the rest of the evening, I'll be practicing the set I'm going to do tomorrow night w/ my posse in attendance!
Had breakfast out at Charcoal Grill this morning with Nate, Averell and my girl Ashley. Always love the breakfast buffet they put on out there. Talked a little comedy and then went home and napped for an hour. Now, for the rest of the evening, I'll be practicing the set I'm going to do tomorrow night w/ my posse in attendance!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Guest Set at Comedy Quarter last night.
Did a guest set last night at Comedy Quarter in Neenah. It was a lot of fun and I thought I did real good when I was up there. Upon further review of the video... not so much. I rehearsed the HELL out of this set. The problem is, when I got up there it sounded rehearsed and not as funny as it could have been. Good news is, I can fix it. The featured act was really funny and the Michael Mack had an amazing ending to his set. All, in all, it was a great experience and I can't wait to get on stage again.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Call Me Hoss (fake) News - Local teen unsure if he received compliment.
Local teen unsure if "I like the cut of your jib." is a compliment
by Nathan Holtslander
SCHAUMBURG, IL - Michael Ray is still looking for answers today to whether or not his boss paid him a compliment last Saturday evening. The 17 year old senior at Schaumburg High School works part time at the Osco Drug Store at 1801 W Golf Rd, had just finished restocking an end cap of Angel Soft toilet paper, a task that was neither required nor requested of him, on Saturday night when he received a peculiar comment from his supervisor.
He told me, "You know what? 'I like the cut of your jib, kid.' And then he just walked away." said Ray.
Ray, who is a reserve on the Saxons basketball team who plans to attend Valparaiso University in the fall, said he does enjoy receiving commendations if he performs above and beyond expectations, he just wishes the accolades would be a little easier to understand.
"I asked my dad (William Ray, 51, also of Schaumburg) what 'I like the cut of your jib' means. He said that it's something old guys say to each other. Like a way of letting the other know that they like how that person does things. So, I guess that's a compliment. My stepmom (Stephanie Taylor-Ray, 31) didn't know what it meant, either."
Michael's supervisor, Donald Jenkins, 55, of Hanover Park has been managing the store for the past four years and reportedly has a penchant for saying cryptic and sometimes confusing things to his employees.
"I remember once, we had a big order of Halloween candy to put away." recalls Desiree Johnson, 20, a former employee who is currently a sophomore at Northern Illinois University. "We had been stocking the candy pretty quickly, I mean a lot faster than we expected. Don walked by and told me and the other girl I was working with, "Now your cooking with gas." He went away and me and the other girl just stared at each other for a while. We thought about asking him later what it [his comment] meant, but we didn't want to run the risk of him seeing us and and making us work late. We already had plans to go to a really big house party that night."
As for Ray, he said that while he doesn't fully understand everything his boss tells him, he is still content with his job.
"Sure, working there is fine. I mean there's days when you get a shipment in and are putting away a bunch of merchandise and that sucks. But, it gives me some money to put in my gas tank and they don't seem to notice if you go out and get a little high on your lunch break, which is pretty chill."
Jenkins has this week off and could not be reached for comment on this story and did not immediately return messages left at his home or the Easy Street Pub at 17 S Roselle Rd in Schaumburg, which those close to him describe as his "home away from home."
by Nathan Holtslander
SCHAUMBURG, IL - Michael Ray is still looking for answers today to whether or not his boss paid him a compliment last Saturday evening. The 17 year old senior at Schaumburg High School works part time at the Osco Drug Store at 1801 W Golf Rd, had just finished restocking an end cap of Angel Soft toilet paper, a task that was neither required nor requested of him, on Saturday night when he received a peculiar comment from his supervisor.
He told me, "You know what? 'I like the cut of your jib, kid.' And then he just walked away." said Ray.
Ray, who is a reserve on the Saxons basketball team who plans to attend Valparaiso University in the fall, said he does enjoy receiving commendations if he performs above and beyond expectations, he just wishes the accolades would be a little easier to understand.
"I asked my dad (William Ray, 51, also of Schaumburg) what 'I like the cut of your jib' means. He said that it's something old guys say to each other. Like a way of letting the other know that they like how that person does things. So, I guess that's a compliment. My stepmom (Stephanie Taylor-Ray, 31) didn't know what it meant, either."
Michael's supervisor, Donald Jenkins, 55, of Hanover Park has been managing the store for the past four years and reportedly has a penchant for saying cryptic and sometimes confusing things to his employees.
"I remember once, we had a big order of Halloween candy to put away." recalls Desiree Johnson, 20, a former employee who is currently a sophomore at Northern Illinois University. "We had been stocking the candy pretty quickly, I mean a lot faster than we expected. Don walked by and told me and the other girl I was working with, "Now your cooking with gas." He went away and me and the other girl just stared at each other for a while. We thought about asking him later what it [his comment] meant, but we didn't want to run the risk of him seeing us and and making us work late. We already had plans to go to a really big house party that night."
As for Ray, he said that while he doesn't fully understand everything his boss tells him, he is still content with his job.
"Sure, working there is fine. I mean there's days when you get a shipment in and are putting away a bunch of merchandise and that sucks. But, it gives me some money to put in my gas tank and they don't seem to notice if you go out and get a little high on your lunch break, which is pretty chill."
Jenkins has this week off and could not be reached for comment on this story and did not immediately return messages left at his home or the Easy Street Pub at 17 S Roselle Rd in Schaumburg, which those close to him describe as his "home away from home."
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Randomness, Vol 14
You didn't think the Randomness had gone away for good, did ya?
Oh, Jesse James. I think in this post Tiger world, we are a little more accustomed to celebrities cheating. That being said, the girl has tattoos on her forehead, did you really think this was going to end up well for you?
I'm not sure what freaks me out more, the first scene in the movie Alien where an alien burst out of a persons chest, or when someone talks to me while I'm using a urinal. Yeah, it does look like we are going to have some good weather this weekend, could you maybe wait until I'm washing my hands to talk to me about it? Thanks, bro.
Every time we get technology updates at work, our department starts to behave like we are in the command center at NORAD and we just went to DEFCON 2. "I think it's trying to install the updates... Wait, hold on... What is this window!?! I've got an unidentified window here!! Is your computer doing this, too!?! Talk to me, people!!!" Also, I'm about .5-1.15% less productive at work in the days after I change my password. You know how hard it is to remember that my new password is "SuP3rJONASbros" right away?
Philadelphia is proposing a tax on sugary drinks (soda, etc...) as a way to combat the city's budget deficit. I heard this and thought, "What are we talking here, an extra 15-20 cents per bottle or can? That's reasonable." Nope $.02 per ounce! So, a 2 liter bottle (which is approximately 64oz) that let's says costs $1.99, would now have $1.28 tacked on for tax. Does this seem excessive to anyone else, or am I just overreacting?
If you only ever do one thing for me, read this article: "The Internet? Bah!" by Clifford Stoll from the Feb 27, 1995 issue of Newsweek. This guy... could not have been more wrong about everything he wrote in this article. Thanks to the fellas over at the Uhh Yeah Dude podcast for pointing their listeners in the direction of this story. Truly one for the ages.
I think the above story is laughable... and then I hear statements like the following from some middle aged lady in a restaurant a couple weeks ago: "As I understand it, if you have what they call a "smart phone" or another name for it is an "iPhone" then anyone can automatically know where you are currently located on this site called Twitter." Yeah, lady. The way you understand it is wicked not correct. They were also mad at "that young girl that beat Meryl Streep for the Oscar." You mean Sandra Bullock? Cause she's 45. It's certainly not ancient, but it's not like she lost to Ellen Page or Megan Fox.
Oh, MTV. I noticed in the channel lineup that MTV showed the movie "Phone Booth" a few nights back. Does MTV hate showing videos that much? I mean, I guess I understood when they started filling every evening with "15 & Pregnant", "The Hills", "RW/RR Challenge" and other original programming. Now you're showing bad movies? You mean to tell me you couldn't fill that time with music videos? Kanye West said that Beyonce's video was one of the best of all time. I would have no idea. Never saw it, because instead of videos they show "Phone Booth" and 8 year old episodes of South Park (which really have not aged well.) If you don't provide an outlet for the art form, innovation is bound to get stifled. We won't have any more great videos. No more Black Hole Sun. No more November Rain. No more Fantastic Voyage. No more Make 'Em say Uhh! OK, we could do without more of that last one. I know it's a tired argument, but you're running out of excuses to not show videos. You're also running out of time. I won't be in your demographic forever. Some would argue I'm already not.
If you're ever feeling a little down about yourself and thinking things like, "maybe I'm not that smart" or "it seems like everyone has their stuff together more than I do."Just take a few moments and read the user responses to just about any CNN.com story. You will feel so much better about yourself afterward, I promise.
For example, I read an article from last week about how it was ruled that Anna Nicole Smith's estate is not entitled to millions from her late husband the Crypt Keeper... Oh, I'm sorry, his name was J. Howard Marshall, he just looked a lot like the Crypt Keeper when he passed on at the age of 90. Anna Nicole of course died in 2007 as the result of a drug overdose. Here are some of my favorite responses:
"Creativeker" says:
Unfortunately, Anna Nicole Smith blew her life on drugs. She could have lived a very long life had she taken care of her own health. With that kind of money, why not buy health spa and fitness center? Educate to eat healthier and so forth?
Because Anna Nicole totally struck me as the kind of person that would "buy health spa and fitness center." Anyone who saw her E! True Hollywood story would know that she needed a lot of help, I'm not sure that buying a health spa and fitness center was the silver bullet for the psychological problems and addictions she had.
"john80" says:
Funny how the internet allows anyone to blog, and at the same time has made the press lazy
Actually, that isn't funny. Oh, and it doesn't make any sense.
"john80" also says:
War, healthcare, escalating gang violence from Mexico, missing affluent white children, missing poor black children, climate change... I'm glad when I choose to have the three top story headlines displayed on my homepage that something about the Anna Nicole Smith saga makes the list.
Really john80, you're having trouble finding news stories about war and healthcare reform? Have you turned on a TV or a radio or just been in the world recently? You can get your fix of those stories by accident these days. Also, while this was at its base a story about a Playmate marrying an old guy, the case did at some point go to the effin US Supreme Court. There are some legitimate reasons for it to be on CNN.com
From "muser":
Golllly, these people are so rich they get fight over money after they're dead. Who cares just give it to Haiti the kid doesn't need the money as much as she will need a shrink if all this crap about everything surrounding her is always a fight
You can find more musings from muser at battle-against-proper-grammar-and-punctuation.com
"Manc6267" chimes in:
thats good news if you ask me, neither she nor her next of kin deserve money for doing nothing more then sleeping with an old guy...
Remember the part in the story where she was married to him when he died? While the whole "Playmate married to an octagenarian" thing was admittedly a little creepy, she did have a legal document that said she was his spouse.
"OckamzRazor" says:
Interesting that all the key players are ghosts now. Wouldn't you like to sit in on the little afterlife conversation? "I REALLY, REALLY loved you and it wasn't for the money..." "Yeah, right. I saw the way you were talking to Elvis..."
That's funny. Gotta give credit where credit is due.
"Vikings2009"
One word...KARMA
The guy who's a fan of the team that got in bed with Brett Favre so he could stick it to his old team which may have disgusted the football gods so much that they rained down one of the most shocking playoff losses ever on them is talking about Karma?
"JMPGFOTO"
Afraid that I cannot say I am sorry for either side. I think all of the money from the old geezer should go to charity. The old man's family are a bunch of greedy, dishonest, scum and Anna Nicole was undoubtedly in for the money of the old buzzard. Just dump the whole crowd in a hole and bury them. Atleast the son also bought the farm so maybe there is some justice in that.
I love how so many people think the legal system should work. "Well, if we don't like these people, we should be able to kill them and give all their money to charity." I'm pretty sure this isn't how the system works. Law students, correct me if I'm wrong.
"lolotte" writes in:
Gold digger be aware.... you are not always winning. Think twice before choosing this job.
Not to be a dick and nitpick here, but you probably meant "Gold digger beware."
"bipar08" thinks:
what a waste of court time wouldn't it be better used for drug dealers that should be in prison,
Another guy named "DeFace" actually made a good rebuttal to this: "This was probate court." So, yeah, 75 drug dealers didn't go free because the Anna Nicole case had to go through the courts. Even so, we may have problems in this country arresting drug dealers and keeping them in prison, but do we really have a problem getting them prosecuted?
"Guest" says:
Good, this is how it should be. You keep what you earn and it stays within the family. Some money grubbing woman shouldn't be able to sleep her way into your family fortune.
Once again. Legal effin document. They were married.
"KinjiruRM" does some proofreading:
"Marshall's family said in a written statment. " - Wow CNN, too busy to bother with spell check?
That is actually a good point.
I'm finished,
Nate
Oh, Jesse James. I think in this post Tiger world, we are a little more accustomed to celebrities cheating. That being said, the girl has tattoos on her forehead, did you really think this was going to end up well for you?
I'm not sure what freaks me out more, the first scene in the movie Alien where an alien burst out of a persons chest, or when someone talks to me while I'm using a urinal. Yeah, it does look like we are going to have some good weather this weekend, could you maybe wait until I'm washing my hands to talk to me about it? Thanks, bro.
Every time we get technology updates at work, our department starts to behave like we are in the command center at NORAD and we just went to DEFCON 2. "I think it's trying to install the updates... Wait, hold on... What is this window!?! I've got an unidentified window here!! Is your computer doing this, too!?! Talk to me, people!!!" Also, I'm about .5-1.15% less productive at work in the days after I change my password. You know how hard it is to remember that my new password is "SuP3rJONASbros" right away?
Philadelphia is proposing a tax on sugary drinks (soda, etc...) as a way to combat the city's budget deficit. I heard this and thought, "What are we talking here, an extra 15-20 cents per bottle or can? That's reasonable." Nope $.02 per ounce! So, a 2 liter bottle (which is approximately 64oz) that let's says costs $1.99, would now have $1.28 tacked on for tax. Does this seem excessive to anyone else, or am I just overreacting?
If you only ever do one thing for me, read this article: "The Internet? Bah!" by Clifford Stoll from the Feb 27, 1995 issue of Newsweek. This guy... could not have been more wrong about everything he wrote in this article. Thanks to the fellas over at the Uhh Yeah Dude podcast for pointing their listeners in the direction of this story. Truly one for the ages.
I think the above story is laughable... and then I hear statements like the following from some middle aged lady in a restaurant a couple weeks ago: "As I understand it, if you have what they call a "smart phone" or another name for it is an "iPhone" then anyone can automatically know where you are currently located on this site called Twitter." Yeah, lady. The way you understand it is wicked not correct. They were also mad at "that young girl that beat Meryl Streep for the Oscar." You mean Sandra Bullock? Cause she's 45. It's certainly not ancient, but it's not like she lost to Ellen Page or Megan Fox.
Oh, MTV. I noticed in the channel lineup that MTV showed the movie "Phone Booth" a few nights back. Does MTV hate showing videos that much? I mean, I guess I understood when they started filling every evening with "15 & Pregnant", "The Hills", "RW/RR Challenge" and other original programming. Now you're showing bad movies? You mean to tell me you couldn't fill that time with music videos? Kanye West said that Beyonce's video was one of the best of all time. I would have no idea. Never saw it, because instead of videos they show "Phone Booth" and 8 year old episodes of South Park (which really have not aged well.) If you don't provide an outlet for the art form, innovation is bound to get stifled. We won't have any more great videos. No more Black Hole Sun. No more November Rain. No more Fantastic Voyage. No more Make 'Em say Uhh! OK, we could do without more of that last one. I know it's a tired argument, but you're running out of excuses to not show videos. You're also running out of time. I won't be in your demographic forever. Some would argue I'm already not.
If you're ever feeling a little down about yourself and thinking things like, "maybe I'm not that smart" or "it seems like everyone has their stuff together more than I do."Just take a few moments and read the user responses to just about any CNN.com story. You will feel so much better about yourself afterward, I promise.
For example, I read an article from last week about how it was ruled that Anna Nicole Smith's estate is not entitled to millions from her late husband the Crypt Keeper... Oh, I'm sorry, his name was J. Howard Marshall, he just looked a lot like the Crypt Keeper when he passed on at the age of 90. Anna Nicole of course died in 2007 as the result of a drug overdose. Here are some of my favorite responses:
"Creativeker" says:
Unfortunately, Anna Nicole Smith blew her life on drugs. She could have lived a very long life had she taken care of her own health. With that kind of money, why not buy health spa and fitness center? Educate to eat healthier and so forth?
Because Anna Nicole totally struck me as the kind of person that would "buy health spa and fitness center." Anyone who saw her E! True Hollywood story would know that she needed a lot of help, I'm not sure that buying a health spa and fitness center was the silver bullet for the psychological problems and addictions she had.
"john80" says:
Funny how the internet allows anyone to blog, and at the same time has made the press lazy
Actually, that isn't funny. Oh, and it doesn't make any sense.
"john80" also says:
War, healthcare, escalating gang violence from Mexico, missing affluent white children, missing poor black children, climate change... I'm glad when I choose to have the three top story headlines displayed on my homepage that something about the Anna Nicole Smith saga makes the list.
Really john80, you're having trouble finding news stories about war and healthcare reform? Have you turned on a TV or a radio or just been in the world recently? You can get your fix of those stories by accident these days. Also, while this was at its base a story about a Playmate marrying an old guy, the case did at some point go to the effin US Supreme Court. There are some legitimate reasons for it to be on CNN.com
From "muser":
Golllly, these people are so rich they get fight over money after they're dead. Who cares just give it to Haiti the kid doesn't need the money as much as she will need a shrink if all this crap about everything surrounding her is always a fight
You can find more musings from muser at battle-against-proper-grammar-and-punctuation.com
"Manc6267" chimes in:
thats good news if you ask me, neither she nor her next of kin deserve money for doing nothing more then sleeping with an old guy...
Remember the part in the story where she was married to him when he died? While the whole "Playmate married to an octagenarian" thing was admittedly a little creepy, she did have a legal document that said she was his spouse.
"OckamzRazor" says:
Interesting that all the key players are ghosts now. Wouldn't you like to sit in on the little afterlife conversation? "I REALLY, REALLY loved you and it wasn't for the money..." "Yeah, right. I saw the way you were talking to Elvis..."
That's funny. Gotta give credit where credit is due.
"Vikings2009"
One word...KARMA
The guy who's a fan of the team that got in bed with Brett Favre so he could stick it to his old team which may have disgusted the football gods so much that they rained down one of the most shocking playoff losses ever on them is talking about Karma?
"JMPGFOTO"
Afraid that I cannot say I am sorry for either side. I think all of the money from the old geezer should go to charity. The old man's family are a bunch of greedy, dishonest, scum and Anna Nicole was undoubtedly in for the money of the old buzzard. Just dump the whole crowd in a hole and bury them. Atleast the son also bought the farm so maybe there is some justice in that.
I love how so many people think the legal system should work. "Well, if we don't like these people, we should be able to kill them and give all their money to charity." I'm pretty sure this isn't how the system works. Law students, correct me if I'm wrong.
"lolotte" writes in:
Gold digger be aware.... you are not always winning. Think twice before choosing this job.
Not to be a dick and nitpick here, but you probably meant "Gold digger beware."
"bipar08" thinks:
what a waste of court time wouldn't it be better used for drug dealers that should be in prison,
Another guy named "DeFace" actually made a good rebuttal to this: "This was probate court." So, yeah, 75 drug dealers didn't go free because the Anna Nicole case had to go through the courts. Even so, we may have problems in this country arresting drug dealers and keeping them in prison, but do we really have a problem getting them prosecuted?
"Guest" says:
Good, this is how it should be. You keep what you earn and it stays within the family. Some money grubbing woman shouldn't be able to sleep her way into your family fortune.
Once again. Legal effin document. They were married.
"KinjiruRM" does some proofreading:
"Marshall's family said in a written statment. " - Wow CNN, too busy to bother with spell check?
That is actually a good point.
I'm finished,
Nate
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Onion style article - Pat Robertson: God's Displeasure With Chile "Obvious."
Pat Robertson Indicates That God's Displeasure With Chile Is "Obvious."
by Nathan Holtslander
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - Only two months removed from making incendiary observations about the Haitian earthquake being the result of pact the country's forefathers had made with the devil in 1791, conservative leader Pat Robertson has been surprisingly mum so far about the reasons behind the 8.8 magnitude earthquake in Chile. Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network released only a short press release, simply stating, "Well, it IS Chile. I think it's pretty obvious, right?"
Robertson seems to be stirring the pot less than he usually does when a horrific natural disaster or terrorist attack needs to be blamed on a deal with Satan or the general breakdown of morals in society. Robertson once famously concurred with Jerry Falwell that the 9/11 attacks could be blamed in no small part on the American Civil Liberties Union due to its support of homosexuals and feminists, among other despicable bottomfeeders of society. Some are speculating that Mr. Robertson is balking at this opportunity because it is believed his knowledge of South America is limited to "we send missionaries there to save indigenous people that don't have Jesus in their life" and "it's where all the drugs come from that are turning the youths of this nation into souless pagans all high on the reefer and the smack." (Note: Chile is not known to be a significant exporter of illegal drugs.) However, others argue, that's all you really need to know.
"I thinks when he said 'It's obvious.' that's exactly what he meant", said Mark Donaldson, president of the Conshohocken, PA chapter of conservative group Family Values in Action "I mean, if a people will sell poison to their fellow man and engage in all other kinds of lewd and homosexual behaviors, eventually God is going to have a word with them. And in this case, he had a word in the form of a big honkin earthquake." Mr. Davidson declined to elaborate on what kind of "homosexual behaviors" he was referring to, going only so far as to say, "They're doing it. You know they're doing it."
Others disagree and claim that God had little to do with the catastrophe. Michael Gilberts from the US Geological Survey explains, "It's really about location..." He then went into some boring speech about the location of tectonic plates and the Earth's crust and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Perhaps in the days and weeks ahead, we will be able to better understand what exactly the Chilean people did that angered God enough that he needed to immediately bring down judgment on a couple hundred of them. For now, Pat Robertson has left us open to interpret the reasons behind the righteous and bloody vengeance that occurred less than a week ago.
by Nathan Holtslander
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - Only two months removed from making incendiary observations about the Haitian earthquake being the result of pact the country's forefathers had made with the devil in 1791, conservative leader Pat Robertson has been surprisingly mum so far about the reasons behind the 8.8 magnitude earthquake in Chile. Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network released only a short press release, simply stating, "Well, it IS Chile. I think it's pretty obvious, right?"
Robertson seems to be stirring the pot less than he usually does when a horrific natural disaster or terrorist attack needs to be blamed on a deal with Satan or the general breakdown of morals in society. Robertson once famously concurred with Jerry Falwell that the 9/11 attacks could be blamed in no small part on the American Civil Liberties Union due to its support of homosexuals and feminists, among other despicable bottomfeeders of society. Some are speculating that Mr. Robertson is balking at this opportunity because it is believed his knowledge of South America is limited to "we send missionaries there to save indigenous people that don't have Jesus in their life" and "it's where all the drugs come from that are turning the youths of this nation into souless pagans all high on the reefer and the smack." (Note: Chile is not known to be a significant exporter of illegal drugs.) However, others argue, that's all you really need to know.
"I thinks when he said 'It's obvious.' that's exactly what he meant", said Mark Donaldson, president of the Conshohocken, PA chapter of conservative group Family Values in Action "I mean, if a people will sell poison to their fellow man and engage in all other kinds of lewd and homosexual behaviors, eventually God is going to have a word with them. And in this case, he had a word in the form of a big honkin earthquake." Mr. Davidson declined to elaborate on what kind of "homosexual behaviors" he was referring to, going only so far as to say, "They're doing it. You know they're doing it."
Others disagree and claim that God had little to do with the catastrophe. Michael Gilberts from the US Geological Survey explains, "It's really about location..." He then went into some boring speech about the location of tectonic plates and the Earth's crust and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Perhaps in the days and weeks ahead, we will be able to better understand what exactly the Chilean people did that angered God enough that he needed to immediately bring down judgment on a couple hundred of them. For now, Pat Robertson has left us open to interpret the reasons behind the righteous and bloody vengeance that occurred less than a week ago.
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